How to recognise a n00b

[ajaybc]

Well.....I saw several posts/threads in this forum with the word "n00b/noob".
Many call this word to refer to inexperienced or ignorant people.(I get called noob while playing Call of Duty online)
So yesterday after one guy in Call of Duty called me a noob I did a little google research to find the actual meaning of that word.And here are my findings.

1. NOOB

A. INTRO
I. What is this?
II. Defining 'Noob'

B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS
I. Noobish
II. Where to find noobs
III. Behavior of noobs
IV. Noob religion
V. More about noob habitats

C. AVOIDING NOOBS
I. Make sure you aren't one
II. Major noob avoiding strategies

------------------------

A. INTRO

I. What is this?
This guide is designed to give you a better understanding of what a noob is, how to recognize them, some details about them, and how to avoid or get rid of them. It mostly applies to online forums, which are the main targets of migrating noobs.

II. Defining 'Noob'
Contrary to the belief of many, a noob/n00b and a newbie/newb are not the same thing. Newbs are those who are new to some task* and are very beginner at it, possibly a little overconfident about it, but they are willing to learn and fix their errors to move out of that stage. n00bs, on the other hand, know little and have no will to learn any more. They expect people to do the work for them and then expect to get praised about it, and make up a unique species of their own. It is the latter we will study in this guide so that the reader is prepared to encounter them in the wild if needed.

Noobs are often referred to as n00bs as a sign of disrespect toward them, and it's often hella funny, but I will refer to them as noobs during this reading.

* Usually the topic at hand on an internet forum.

B. COMMON NOOB CHARACTERISTICS

I. Noobish
Often, but not always, noobs will attempt to communicate in their own primitive language, known as "n00bish." It is a variant of the hacker language that exposes them as having little intelligence or will to learn. Here is an example of some noobish. Do not attempt to comprehend it: it cannot be discerned without professionals at hand.

stFU /../..an, i r teh r0xx0rz liek emin3m, u cna go tO EHLL OR ATLE4St help m3 wit hthIS!!111!!!!!!!1~~1!!``!! LOLLOLOLLOLOLlOoLLOlollLLl u n00b

Although you may find this unbelievably funny and/or annoying, it is best to restrain yourself and keep from talking back to them, as they are very territorial and easily angered. This will result in their attempted verbal abuse of you, possibly backed up by other noobs, because they work in packs when doing offensive tasks. It is not an easy task to learn this language because our intelligent accent will keep it from sounding quite right when spoken. You can write some simple noobish of your own, however, by slamming your face into your keyboard repeatedly.

II. Where to find n00bs
On the internet, n00bs make their colonies on forums. They migrate in waves, usually on weekends, and proceed to clog up bandwidth with stupid questions and sometimes even stupid answers. If you happen to be unfortunate enough to be on a board large enough to attract migrating noobs, there will hopefully be authority in charge who is smart enough to take extermination measures before they can make nests and larger colonies. THE BANNER HAMMER is one form of authority.

Larger colonies can result in the mutation of some into spammers. Not commercial spammers, but pointless spammers. A noob can become one of these at any point, but the larger the amount of noobs, the more chance pointless spammers will appear.

Off the internet, noobs appear anywhere the focus is on learning or discussing something specific.

III. Behavior of noobs
Since noobs are basically ignorant *******s, they have a lot in common. The most often seen characteristic is their fluency in noobish, which is why it got its own section. They will also be very self confident as if they were the absolute best at what they are in fact the worst at. Also, they are quite agressive and self-centered, and tend to laugh a lot using many L's and O's in rapid sucession (the noobish word for laughing like an ultimate retard).

It is their instinct to assemble in packs for defense, and they often attempt to organize packs that they call teams. Unfortunately for them, teams usually result in a total loss of communication and they can often begin to fight amongst each other. These teams are quite unlike those formed by non-noobs.

Noobs have difficulty reading English and cannot comprehend the idea of authority.

Therefore, they have an all-out disregard for rules, basic or not. A good way to identify a noob (bad) vs. a newb (good) is to tell them (or have an authority tell them) which rule they are unknowingly breaking. If they respond with an apology and fix it, they are probably not a noob. If they react by insulting everything around them in rapid noobish and causing general mayhem, it is because they are a noob and have had a small seizure due to their inability to understand what is happening.

IV. Noob Religion
Noobs follow a variation of the 1337 (sometimes 7331) religion, in which they worship the number in odd rituals and put altars in their forum avatars and signatures. They often call themselves 1337, which experts say is somewhat like calling themselves godly in a human language. It's best to not interfere with their religious fantasies and practices because that can lead to a noob uprising, which can turn a forum to mush in less than a week.

V. More about noob habitats
Noobs often attempt to maintain their own web pages. Some common features of these lairs are a terrible lack of content, background music, lots of pointless animated gifs, and pages that say some variation of 'tHEir isnothinG H34r yEtt LOLLOLOL!111!1!!~~~!!`! 13371337', which means 'Nothing here yet' in noobish.

They will also have large, seemingly infinite marquees of 88X31 affiliate buttons replaced with red X's scattered here and there, and possibly a hit counter showing a number less than 100. These habitats are numerous but fairly easy to avoid because only noobs link to them. So if you can identify a noob, don't go to its homepage. Simple as that.

C. AVOIDING NOOBS

I. Make sure you aren't one
Note: This section is bilingual so even noobs can make the discovery if they haven't already.

English (T4lk)-

Read the above parts of this guide carefully. If you find yourself unable to comprehend any of it but are instead beginning to think about how great you are and how awesome 'teh 1337' is, you might want to take one of the many available online quizzes to check your noobancy.

Noobish (133713371337)- Liek, u gott4 re3D teh gudieCAREFUl1y and tehn OMG LIEK I AM R0XX0RZ ya anD ify 0u turn into teh reTARDED u gota go 2 MY WEBP4GE LOLLOLOL!!111~11 ad check 4 warez n stfuu. if u r a n00b go2HELL LOLLOLOlROFLMFAO11!!!11!!!! a/s/l pos gtg n00b suxx0rz ur b0xx0rz OLOOOLOLLLL HELP HELP HELP 1337133713371337

II. Major noob avoiding strategies
The main factor in attracting migrating herds of noobs is a large, active forum. If you find one of these, look to see if it has the management to avoid noob infestation. If not, look for a small or mid-sized forum that covers the same topic so you can enjoy your time there before the noobs find it.

Another way to keep noobs from interfering with your life is to become part of the authority on one of these forums. But that's often hard to do so you'll probably be better off avoiding larger forums first off. If you do manage to become part of the authority, however, take full advantage of it and establish extermination policies so that normal people can have a nice time without noob infestations.
Noob Talk: LAlWAlwalwalWAWLAWLAWA!~!~!~!!!11!!! 1M NOtttt N0000BZ

Source:http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=noob

[Faun]

noob got his biography

[ajaybc]

Originally Posted by T159

noob got his biography

I have been called a noob many times while playing COD4.So I dont mind u calling me .



Some more noob things to add.

noob
21 up, 12 down
Someone that completely and utterly sucks at what they are doing. This can range from cooking food, to playing Halo or other games.

The word noob should NOT be used with the word "newb" or "newbie." These words have completely different definitions and meanings to them, which will be explained next.

A newb is someone that is new to what they are doing. This can range from having a new job, making burgers at McDonalds, to playing Call of Duty 4 for the first time.

A noob is always mistaken in many different ways of forms by several people. Below is a list compiled of several different actions a noob would do, so people will not mistake someone for a noob again. These are just a few examples of what a noob would do, but not all of them.

A noob would...
Walk into fire
TYPE IN ALL CAPS
kill his own teammates on accident
Type in bright colors
Play on an easy difficulty setting
State the obvious (Ex: Our flag has been taken!)
Sing, when they suck at it.
Type random letters
Spam you with messages
Burn food he/she is cooking on accident
Forget to wear their headset
Scream into their headset
Have more deaths than kills
Lose any game (Ex: Halo, Chess, Checkers, Counter-Strike)
Lose repeatedly
Get owned by the same guy repeatedly
Make the same joke over and over again
Steal other people's ideas
Not use proper grammar when they type (Ex: do u wanna go to the mall wit justin and i)
Camp in the same spot over and over again, even when they get killed there.
Fail a test
Have a virus on their PC
Things that a noob would say:
do u wanna go to the mall wit justin and i
OMGGG OUR FLAG HAS BEEN TAKEN!!!!1!
I wonder what this button does...

Jerry! Why did you walk into my flame thrower? You're such a noob.

Source:http://www.urbandictionary.com/defin...ge=2&term=noob

Got this "how to kill a n00b" video frm youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qbELWI5nkPg

[naveen_reloaded]

Good research there...

[ajaybc]

There are even noob comics:
http://www.thenoobcomic.com/index.php

[Faun]

@ajaybc
nevermind we just take the pleasure

Look here is the entry from uncyclopedia
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Noob

[Krazy_About_Technology]

OMG, i use to write myself as a linux n00b now i'll write myself a newb Thanks yaar

[ajaybc]

Originally Posted by Krazy_About_Technology

OMG, i use to write myself as a linux n00b now i'll write myself a newb Thanks yaar

[The_Devil_Himself]

noobsville!!!!

run marco run.

[Faun]

err...newbie !

[ray|raven]

Noobiest thread ever.

Oh wait cancel that, its the Noobiest thread yet.

[SunnyChahal]

What a Noobish thread

[Pathik]

You know you are a n00b when you have to google it.

[Faun]

q00u

[Pathik]

Guys, Dont mind T159. He s jus a lil excited.
N00b.

[ajaybc]

Why are u all calling me a n00b?
What n00bish behaviour did I display?
I just posted the guidelines for spotting a n00b.
So if I posted the symptoms for AIDS or BREAST CANCER or some STD then u guys wud say that Iam infected with the same.

[Faun]

very nice, me yes q00u

[ray|raven]

Originally Posted by ajaybc

Why are u all calling me a n00b?
What n00bish behaviour did I display?
I just posted the guidelines for spotting a n00b.
So if I posted the symptoms for AIDS or BREAST CANCER or some STD then u guys wud say that Iam infected with the same.

Dude, Chill.

Not everyone's calling you a noob, people are jus voicing their opinions here.

Besides, the topic you chose is, IMO , quite noobish.

So noobish , that 'Duh!' , would make an understatement

[ajaybc]

Originally Posted by rayraven

Dude, Chill.

Not everyone's calling you a noob, people are jus voicing their opinions here.

Besides, the topic you chose is, IMO , quite noobish.

So noobish , that 'Duh!' , would make an understatement

no problem me cool here.
It is just because I have had my day today.
Today was my first day at college after shaving my moustache.(Believe me even though Iam just 19 I have a 30 year olds moustache)
All were after me teasing.It was like I shaved my pubes off.Why shud they bother.Almost all in north India dont have moustache .

[Pathik]

Posting such a thread in a tech forum is like posting the Symptoms of Breast cancer in an all male gay forum.
What do you expect??
No offence.

[ray|raven]

^Yeah, though i must say , we got more than our share of noobs on the forums

[Arsenal_Gunners]

Omgzzzz!!!11!!!11!thx Fr De Info!!!!11!!eleventyone!!!!!

[MetalheadGautham]

awssome one.
this must be a sticky...

[Faun]

ZOMG 1!!! FONCL

btw u should've chosen vacation time to remove moustache and the slowly getting accustomed to it

Originally Posted by MetalheadGautham

awssome one.
this must be a sticky...

wat abt urs

[ajaybc]

Originally Posted by Pathik

Posting such a thread in a tech forum is like posting the Symptoms of Breast cancer in an all male gay forum.
What do you expect??
No offence.

Dude do u think these threads are techie???

What song are you addicted to at the moment?
Recommand me some horror movies!(English only)
I need barley biscuits
How many of YOU guys can COOK?
http://www.thinkdigit.com/forum/showthread.php?t=88617
Any farmers here in this tech forum?
Please Recommend some good Romatic movies! (English only)
Mahatma Gandhi & Nobel Peace Prize
The Most Dangerous Species in Mediterranean
CRS disease - Please help - Which movie it is ?

More are there and I dont have time to copy paste all of them.

And also I posted this thread in the Chit Chat section not in technology news or Bazaar or software troubleshooting and according to the definition by the forum admins
"Chit Chat Anything that doesn’t fit into the other sections—from upcoming technology to personal anecdotes—should be posted here".


Mods please close this thread if u think it is worthless.My apologies to all.

[Kl@w-24]

Originally Posted by ajaybc

no problem me cool here.
It is just because I have had my day today.
Today was my first day at college after shaving my moustache.(Believe me even though Iam just 19 I have a 30 year olds moustache)
All were after me teasing.It was like I shaved my pubes off.Why shud they bother.Almost all in north India dont have moustache .

[FilledVoid]

Noob is so 60s . Its llama now , will all of you catch up already.

[Pathik]

Sure llama.

[praka123]

^@ajay:you are in kochi only na?students in kerala prefer moustache.
Our Culture show men are with Moustache.women with long hair

[krazzy]

WTF! n00bs!