Share Your Computer Jokes Here

[speedyguy]

wosh! quite big ones....i thought of writing some here but now....oh no! nowez! newez nice ones

Enjoy~!

[soham]

Some wise sayings:
A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things.

Life is not measured by breaths we take in a moment but by moments that take our breaths away

life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it

Those who are afraid to fall, will never fly

Love ur enemys... It really ticks them off

If you don't Stand for Something.You will Fall for Everything

da poorest man on earth is not da 1 without money, but is da 1 without a dream

To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the
world

Look into the picture of ur present life, 4 the picture determines ur future

It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for what your not

Be yourself, there are enough other people

dont frown,you never know whos falling in love with ur smile

if u can stay calm while every1 else is goin mad ... u probably havnt completely understood the situation!

FRIENDS are like stars…you do not ALWAYS SEE them but you know they are always there!..

A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes. A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever

Dont b afraid 2 expose yourself.Reach out and tell sum1 wot they mean 2 u coz when u decide its the right time it might b 2 late!

Sumtimes its harder 2 say no wen u really mean yes.Its hard 2 close ur eyes wen u really want 2 see.But the hardest thing 2 do is to let go wen u want to stay

Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think

What do you do when the only person who can stop you crying, is the person who makes you cry in the first place?

You might regret what you do- but you'll you regret what you don't do SO much more

2 let go doesnt mean 2 stop carin.2 let go is to learn theres sumthin beyond.2 let go means acceptin reality.2 let go is lovin more coz u only want the best.

If you are the flame you can't be burned

Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery.today is a gift that is why we call it the present!

Intelligence is like a river. The deeper it is the less noise it makes
__________
Jokes :

It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!

Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!

Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?

i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again

Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the one off.

An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!

A woman was found dead in her home 2day! She was discoverd in her bath tub which was filled with milk & conflakes.the police suspect a cerial killer!

Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they've already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?)

I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION

Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?

im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!

4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!

Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem!

[Crazy Kidd]

By the way this isn't the place for this kind of topics. try Chit Chat. Where are the moderators.
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Damn, can't find one when needed.
__________
Life itself cant give you joy, unless you really want it. Life just gives you time and space. Its up to you. How you fill it. Have a nice day.

[mehulved]

I have edited/deleted some messages which will be inappropriate for some of the audience here.
And please remember this is a technology forum. There are many other forums out there where you can share your adult jokes.

[jatt]

hi friends keep it up please give more sms here
thanks to alll friends

[Third Eye]

nice SMS Collection.post more.

[DeSmOnD dAvId]

You know that the net is filled with wild and really ridiculus stuff. Tell here about the most wacky stuff you find. Also you can post your own Jokes.

To start with, heres some stuff I found :

Desi Bryan Adams kaisa gayega Summer Of 69??

I had my first real six rupees,
stole it from my father's pants.
went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the sambhar of 69.
Me and some kadke dost,

had it all and we caught bukhaar,
jimy puked, joey got ulcers,
and Bagga ne maari dakar.

Oh when I went back there now,
the food was as stale as ever,
and though it was 1999,
still the sambhar was being served over there,

that was the worst food of my life.

Therez no use in complaining,
when you got no other place to eat,
rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic, but he too was at the toilet seat, yeah

standing there waiting outside,
nurse told me I will wait forever,
oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.

BACK 2 SUMMER OF 69

[aryayush]

Originally Posted by tech_your_future

I have edited/deleted some messages which will be inappropriate for some of the audience here.
And please remember this is a technology forum. There are many other forums out there where you can share your adult jokes.

Thank you for doing what should have been done a long while ago.

Just a suggestion: There are already a few threads on this forum meant for jokes and stuff. Can't they all be merged together - and maybe even stickied, so that new threads do not keep popping up every now and then?

[x7r3m3]

so pathetic song

[gauravakaasid]

@x7r3m3..........dude looks like you need to get a life and some sense of humour too.....if you aint happy with whatevers posted, y dont you give it a shot? atleast dnt discourage others

[s18000rpm]

Sing it with the original song playing in the background.

man its so FUNNY

[Arsenal_Gunners]

[iMav]

its hilarious ....

[blueshift]

Another one..from Orkut

HOTEL KERALA-FONIA - by The Yeagles
On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial

Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to
myself
I don't like the look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say



Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It's
infested here
It's infested here



His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that's just his laugh
Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips
I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar,I sending you

meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray



Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies



The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise
And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef
Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure
Relax, said the
watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country? Oh, Hell! __._,_.___

[blackpearl]

Here is a better Hotle California

HOTEL KARNALOFONIA

On the dark GT highway
Pagdi patka in my hair
Warm smell of some dhabas
Rising up in the air

Up ahead in the distance
I saw a ttharra joint
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I must have drunk over a pint
There he stood in the drive way
I heard his truck helper yell
And I was thinking to myself
This had to be Devinder Singh Behl

Then he belched, and scratched his head
And he was on the highway
And the other drivers leaning from their truck car doors
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-a-fonia
Vaddi changi place (vaddi changi place)
Vaddi changi place
Massage, manicure, pedicure at Karnal-a-fonia
Any kind of ear (any kind of ear)
You can clean it here

His car's grill was definitely twisted
He's got a Maruti-Benz
He's got a lot of petty petty MLAs
Whom he calls friends
Dancing bhangra in the courtyard
See surdie sweat
Some dancer is this Devinder
Armpits stinking wet
So I told the bell captain
I's made a reservation online
And he said, oye khoteyya our internet hasnt worked at all Since Y2K - 1999

And still those drivers were calling from the drive way
Woke me in the middle of the night
I know I heard them say

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-a-fonia
Itthey karlo rest (itthey karlo rest)
Itthey karlo r Aish karo at the hotel Karnal-a-fonia
Kudi umr bais (kudi umr bais)
Will serve you nice

Daler on the ceiling
And on the walls in every guise
And waitresses dressed like actresses
From flicks of Subhash Ghai's
And in the downstairs canteen
I sat down for my meal
Butter chicken, and sarson da saag
Had a shock when they showed me the bill
Looking for help I saw Devinder
Dancing wildly on the floor
I had to find my hostess back
Oh where is this Gurpreet Kaur?

Relax said Milkha Singh
Play golf with my son Jeev
Tu ban gaya Punjab da puttar
Now you cant ever leave


So here I am,
Wasting life at the Hotel Karnal-a-fonia
__________


My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my b! edroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me. I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is:

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"Always keep your condoms in the car"
__________


Once there was this man, working in a lighthouse all one on a lonely island.The island was 100's of miles from the mainland, and completely deserted.One fine day, he sees a shipwreck on the horizon.Through his telescope, he sees that all the sailors die except one who manages to swim ashore.Feeling pity on this man, the man in the light house decides to help him out.So he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.On reaching the person, he realised that the man was on the edge of death...so as a last wish the sailor asks for one last wish to be granted.The man from the lighthouse agrees and asks him what does he want as his last wish.The sailor asks for a bowl of chicken soup.The man is kinda puzzled, but agrees.So he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.He prepares chicken soup up in his cabin in the lighthouse.Then he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.He gives him the chicken soup he prepared, and then after having the soup, the man dies.The person feels pity on him ,and buries him.After burying him, he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.

The next day, he sees another shipwreck on the horizon.Through his telescope, he sees that all the sailors die except one who manages to swim ashore.So he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where this sailor had landed.On reaching the person, he realised that this man was also at the edge of death...so as a last wish this sailor too asks for one last wish to be granted.The man from the lighthouse agrees and asks him what does he want as his last wish.The sailor asks for a bowl of prawn soup.The man is now really puzzled, but agrees.So he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.He prepares prawn soup up in his cabin in the lighthouse.Then he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.He gives him the prawn soup he prepared, and then after having the soup, the man dies.The person feels pity on him ,and buries him.After burying him, he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.

The next day, he sees another shipwreck on the horizon.Through his telescope, he again sees that all the sailors die except one who amazingly manages to swim ashore.So he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.On reaching the person, he realised that this man was also at the edge of death...so as a last wish this sailor too asks for one last wish to be granted.The man from the lighthouse agrees and asks him what does he want as his last wish.The sailor asks for a bowl of chicken soup.The man is now completely puzzled, but agrees with some hesitation.So he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.He prepares chicken soup up in his cabin in the lighthouse.Then he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.He give him the chicken soup he prepared, and then after having the soup, the man dies.The person feels pity on him ,and buries him.After burying him, he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.


What is the moral of the story??

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Moral: Chicken soup is more popular than prawn soup.

[DeSmOnD dAvId]

Cool Jokes blackpearl!

[hemant_mathur]

Nice songs and cool stories.

[mehulved]

Originally Posted by aryayush

Just a suggestion: There are already a few threads on this forum meant for jokes and stuff. Can't they all be merged together - and maybe even stickied, so that new threads do not keep popping up every now and then?

There were a couple of threads made for jokes, they were followed for a while but after sometime as they fell beyond the 2nd - 3rd page people again started making new threads. Only way to stop is make one sticky thread. But, making a sticky thread for jokes and such stuff doesn't make sense on a tech forum.

[aryayush]

But it IS the 'Chit-Chat' thread. And having five 'Jokes' threads on a tech forum does not make much sense either!

[shadow slayer 2007]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”


This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”


Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.


A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”


A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "Okay, now what?"

[DeSmOnD dAvId]

An American, Japanese and Indian general were once on a ship alongwith all of their soldiers. After sometime of drinking together, the American replied,"Lets see whose Army has got the guts". The others agree. The american calls one of his bravest men and orders him to jump into the ocean, swim two rounds around the ship and return. The soldier does the same and returns not exhausted at all. The other generals are wonderstruck. The american General replies,"See the guts!".

The Japanese general calls one of his bravest men and orders hime to jump into the ocean, swim 5 rounds around his ship and return. The soldier does the same and returns. The other two generals are wonderstruck. The Japanese General replies,"See the guts!".

The Indian General calls one of his bravest men and orders him to jump into the ocean, swim 10 rounds around the ship and return. The soldier shouts," AM I YOUR FATHERS SERVENT!!". The Indian general says,"See the guts!"

[s18000rpm]

^^
nice one

[~Phenom~]

^^really funny.

[Pathik]

lol

[Josan]

Cool Collection well Done!!

[shaunak]

~-****(Scientific PJs)****-~
PJ= (pathetic joke)^∞

> Once some electrons were having a party when they were attacked by protons. A dashing superhero comes to their rescue. His name? Bond, COVALENT BOND.

> Once Heisenberg [the author of the uncertainty relations which states that it is impossible to simultaneously determine the velocity and position of an electron.] Was stopped by a traffic cop in Berlin for who asked him "do you have any idea how fast you were going?". To this the physicist replied "No, but i know precisely where I am."

Warning
[If you have forgotten you math dont read this]

> Suppose you want to have a bath and there is nothing around you, what do you do?

A:
You integrate ∂ℓuϰ wrt ℓuϰ
=∫(∂ℓuϰ)ℓuϰ
= ℓuϰ+ć
You bathe with the ℓuϰ in the "c"

[s18000rpm]

geeky jokes. nice

[shaunak]

http://www.best-wallpapers.com/funny...ges/image9.htm

[SolidSnake]

Mera source code padh kar hasnaa nahin,
Ise chalata dekh tum fasna nahin,
Main testing karta hun boss ki kasam,
Bina piye Whiskey , Beer ya Rum,
Bill Gates milaa mujhe raste mein,
Beche Windows humne saste main,
Usne kaha "Tujhe CEO banaoo",
Ghar tere aake Operator ban jaoon...
Bill Gates ko kaha mere ghar na aanaa,
Bill Joy ko bol diya naa baba naa,
Chahe Boston me dede mujhe BMW car,
Ya H-1 pe dede mujhe dollar dus hazaar,
Par development ke liye main to kachha hoon,
Dus saal se Porting me atkaa hoon,

(slow)
Mere daddoo, likhe software,
Binaa use kiye, koi Hardware,
Meri beti, banegi Aunty,
Jab tak install hoga NT

(fast)
Release ho raha hai mera Software nayaa,
Unix ko DOS pe hai port kiyaa,
Microsoft ne jab mera H-1 kiyaa,
Bug free Windows maine release kiya...

[s18000rpm]

funny,
but you could have posted it @ this thread- *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^*