If Operating Systems Were Beers .....
DOS Beer
Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available.
Mac Beer
At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a "light" beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that "you don't need to know." A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan.
Windows 3.1 Beer
Once considered the world's most popular beer. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beers. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it.
OS/2 Beer
Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3.1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold.
Windows 95 Beer
The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3.1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3.1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew.
Windows NT Beer
Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 95 Beer. Touted as an "industrial strength" beer, and suggested only for use in bars.
Windows 98 Beer
Millions sampled Windows95 beer and noticed that it was often flat, right out of the can. The manufacturer of Windows95 beer decided to re-release it as Windows98 beer and guarantee it's freshness. Most consumers are skeptical of the manufacturer's claims, and will continue to drink flat Windows95 beer because they have acquired the taste for it.
Windows 2000 Beer
The manufacturer of the Windows line of beers says this will be "the" beer, if they can just finish playing with the ingredients. This beer will have many ingredients of Windows 95/98 and NT beers. Many drinkers in the future will be forced to drink this when they get thirsty since they won't be able to find Windows 95 or 98 or NT beer on the shelves. According to manufacturer it's combines the greatest taste ever with almost no calories. Only one problem, the cans explode without warning and take out half the refrigerator with them.
Unix Beer
Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years.
Linux Beer
LINUX beer tastes just like Unix beer. Like Unix beer, Linux beer is intended for expert beer drinkers only. It originally had no pop tops or cans because you had to brew it yourself. First you would get a recipe and some yeast from a Unix guru. Then go plow a field, plant your barley and hops. After harvest you would take your Kernels and put them into a barrel full of water, then you just add your yeast close the lid, and let your beer compile. After all this you have what experts claim to be one of the Worlds Best Beers. Linux beers do not normally explode but many brewers have been known to. Linux beer is now available from some Micro Brewerys in handy pop top versions for easy drinking by beginner Unix or Linux beer drinkers. Keep your can openers handy.
AmigaDOS Beer
The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway.
VMS Beer
Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.
Source:
http://www.tobp.com/humor/systems.shtml
If Operating Systems Were Cars...
Ever wonder what your car would be like if it were designed like the major operating systems were? Wonder no more. . .
WinCar 95 - This is the car of yesteryear’s yesteryear. Though completely obsolete in every way some people still drive it. It gets 6 mpg, tends to die at odd moments and has a bad habit of catching fire and killing all aboard. Despite these draw backs some owners still have one of these sitting in the garage.
WinCar 98 - This is really just a Win95 model with a slightly better fire-suppression system and a better paint job. Though more advanced than its predecessor major flaws still remain. It might not explode like Win95 did but it does have a tendency to periodically eject you from the car when you go over 55 mph. Oddly enough it too continues to enjoy wide support even though its owners admit that better and cheaper options exist.
WinCar 2000 - This is really just a Win98 model with a much better paint job. Sadly it has numerous problems which were officially renamed “features�. Such features include simultaneously blowing out all four tires, the ability to only roll one window down at a time, the option of buying three more seats so that other people can ride in your car and a windshield made of stained glass. Pretty but not very useful. Win2000 was the most reliable WinCar to date. Sadly, like its predecessors it would sometimes turn a bright shade of blue and completely stop working. Many drivers were killed when this happened to them while driving on interstate.
WinCarME - This was supposed to be the next big thing from WinCars however it turned out to be more like one of those future-cars that people in the 40’s thought we would drive 60 years later. It has lots of flash and dash however its completely useless. This model was discontinued because even under best driving conditions when the car was driven according to the manual it would catch fire, blow a tire, roll over, decapitate you with the airbag and then burn itself into slag. You are more likely to see a Win95 model on the road than this thing.
WinCarXP - Introduced as the latest and greatest from WinCar this was the ultimate in driving experience. Slightly larger than Aircraft Carrier WinXP had the ability to do everything, it just did it poorly. The main downside was the ease with which car thieves could break in and steal your CD player. At first, all they had to do was open the door. After that WinCar did a recall and installed door locks. This didn’t help much because people never locked their doors. After crooks started stealing everything that wasn’t nailed down and then driving the car into a burning building people started locking their doors. However by this time criminals started using coat hangers. Another recall later and anti-coat hanger devices were installed. Soon criminals had so many different ways of breaking into your car that seperate companies sprung up that existed solely to sell you WinClub and similar anti-theft devices. Sadly this trend has been going on for several years with no end in sight.
WinCarLonghorn - This car was going to come out shortly after the horde of critical flaws in XP were discovered. This model was to include warp engines, cloaking fields, time travel portals, anti-criminal auto targeting phasers, telepathic interface etc. Sadly, despite legions of workers, no one at WinCar could seem to really implement these ideas. So, after pushing the deadline back by 4 years and cutting most of the features that was to make this model so special WinCar has decided to just rerelease WinXP with a new paint job and hope no one notices.
AutoMac 7.0-9.2 This was the AppleCar equivalent of WinCar’s 95,98 and 2000 models. Mac’s cars all tended to look the same but were much more reliable than WinCars. Despite being solar powered, coming with custom interiors and stellar reliability sales were sluggish. Many pundits have noticed striking resemblances between a MacCar model and the WinCar model released the next year.
AutoMac X - This is a solar powered, all terrain vehicle that never breaks down and has a crusing speed of 80% the speed of light. Recent editions allow one to not only fly but engage in a high- altitude orbit of the earth. Theft is not a problem because once you exit the car it morphs into a seamless sphere providing no access without the key. Despite having more features than any of the WinCar’s products adoption of this model has been also been slow. Though it should be noted that you will never see one of these on the side of the road with a shirt rolled up in the window.
Unix Motor Works - Originally designed by masochist UnixCar has improved considerably over the years. All models are essentially gun-metal gray cubes with four wheels and a headlight that can inflict fourth degree burns. There is no windshield, instead you navigate using radar and thermal imaging (it takes a little practice to be sure). The first dozen or so models had no gauges, warning lights, indicators or displays at all. Instead that was just one large red bulb that would come on when a problem occurred. Thankfully that feature is long gone (now there are two bulbs!). While not as intuitive as most other manufacturers, UC’s continually produces reliable transportation. Though never one to win any beauty awards this baby will get you were you need to go with utmost security.
TransLinux (formerly known as DIY Car-In-A-Box) - One day a large automaker went out of business. Ex-employees raided the place before the lawyers got there and carried off parts and plans to the current generation of cars. Thus one guy eventually built his own car from scratch. Granted, you could still outrun it on a unicycle but it was a start. Over time a large socialist corporation was formed in which everyone created their own car but put a LinuxCar bumper sticker on it anyway. Currently there are over 4,000 different LinuxCars being sold or given away for free. Some resemble the UnixCar cube design, some favor the more flashy WinCar style while others sport a more Mac/UnixCar hybrid look. Linux cars tend to cater to the specialty crowd more so than any other manufacturer. For example SuCsCar’s Linux model produces cars that are actually suitcases and can thus fold up and be dragged various places. RedLightCar’s Linux model automatically stops at all red lights. KnokItCar’s Linux model is merely four wheels, a seat, steering wheel and an engine attached to a frame. It is advisable to wear eye protection to avoid being blinded by bugs when driving this model. NsCar’s Linux Model is designed for those speed freaks who never go in reverse only like to turn left. On the whole LinuxCars tend to be reliable and secure but some interfaces can leave something to be desired. People who use this car tend to tinker with their auto all the time. Many times while they are driving down the road much to the confusion of other drivers.
Source:
http://www.applematters.com/
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[Humour] What if Operating Systems Were ....
Happy on Linux Airlines,but got three Linux Airlines and One Windows Airlines in my Line of Flights.Windows Flight is for those risky minded who loves beauty,not safety 
One great use of words is to hide our thoughts.
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