A Letter from Management to Staff !!!

[gaurav_indian]

A Letter from Management to Staff !!!

Dear Staff,


Due to the current financial situation caused by worldwide slowdown of economy since end of 2007, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 30 plus years of age on early retirement.


This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retiring Appropriate People Early). People selected for RAPE can also apply to management for eligibility in SHAFT scheme (Special Help, After Forced Termination). People who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Systematic Coursing Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.


People who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously people who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.


People left and staying on will receive as much **** (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of **** it gives to its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough ****, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to give you all the **** you may require and handle.


Yours Sincerely,

The Management

[amitava82]

omfg.. ROFLROCKET!!

[iNFiNiTE]

lololol

[Coool]

Nice letter

[R2K]

lol...................

[JAK]

ROFL......

[Stuge]

lol

[DigitalDude]

a big LOL.... i guess my laptop HDD almost died out due to the intensity of my laugh


_

[thewisecrab]

ROFLROCKET

[pushkar]

Great one.

[Faun]

zomg ! lol

[Kl@w-24]

I've got another one. It's a memo to students:

Memo to all students.

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
from students, it will be our policy to keep all students well
taught through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING
(S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give our students more S.H.I.T. than
anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the
course, please see your lecturer. You will be immediately placed at
the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our lecturers are especially skilled
at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Students who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
EDUCATIONAL EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T.). Those who fail
to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to
EDUCATIONAL ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our lecturers
took S.H.I.T. before they graduated, they don't have to do
S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job
teaching others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING
LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

For students who are intending to pursue a career in management and
consultancy, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL
OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.). This course
emphasizes how to manage M.O.R.E. S.H.I.T.

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF
TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TEACHING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)