When Bill Gates was in India, he had a chance 2 listen Ramayana from Atal Behari Vajpayee. After returning 2 US he wrote it in his personal Diary. A Tabloid in US got a copy of his writings. These are excerpts from his diary.
Â*
Ramayana by Bill Gates...
Â*
LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs--RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana. RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers, however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess 'C'ta. 12years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/CAE(Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon
by DOS-rat for a lifesaving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14 years.
Â*
At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed through DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less. RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he should marry her. RAM, politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka ,where RAW-van, moved by TRAN-SISTOR's plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, which, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice. Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, 'C'ta urged LSI-man to his brother's aid. Catching the opportunity ,RAW-van DELINKED 'C'ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.
Â*
RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing 'C'ta all over the
forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM. SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful 'SEARCH' techniques to FIND the missing 'C'ta. His PROGRAMMERS
SEARCHED all around the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and animals not to forget the 'WEBCRAWLERS' (Insects) and tried to 'INFO SEEK. something about 'C'ta. Some of them even shouted'YAA-HOO' but they all ended up with 'NOT OUNDMESSAGES'. Several other SEARCH techniques proved useless. Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN
DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. After doing some local SEARCH, Ha-NEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to 'C'ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, 'C'ta believed in him and asked him to send a 'STATUS_OK' MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around 'C'tacaptured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'. Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from
LAN-ka and conveyed all the STATUSMESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan decided to take the all-powerful RAM head-on and prepared for the battle. One of the RAW-wan's SUN (son) almost DELETED RAM &LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X gradients and REFORMATTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of
RAW-wan and once for all wiped out RAW-wan's presence on earth. After the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spreaded his MICROSOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and every one lived happily ever after.
System Administrator
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
main()
{
char *tmp;
int i=0;
/* on y va bourin */
tmp=(char *)malloc(1024*sizeof(char));
while (tmp[i]="Hello Wolrd"[i++]);
/* Ooopps y'a une infusion ! */
i=(int)tmp[8];
tmp[8]=tmp[9];
tmp[9]=(char)i;
printf("%s\n",tmp);
}
System Administrator
#include <stdio.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
main()
{
char *tmp;
int i=0;
/* on y va bourin */
tmp=(char *)malloc(1024*sizeof(char));
while (tmp[i]="Hello Wolrd"[i++]);
/* Ooopps y'a une infusion ! */
i=(int)tmp[8];
tmp[8]=tmp[9];
tmp[9]=(char)i;
printf("%s\n",tmp);
}
New Manager (do you remember?)
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
Middle Manager
mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
I need it by tomorrow.
^D
Senior Manager
% zmail jim
I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.
Chief Executive
% letter
letter: Command not found.
% mail
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
Research Scientist
PROGRAM HELLO
PRINT *, 'Hello World'
END
Older research Scientist
WRITE (6, 100)
100 FORMAT (1H ,11HHELLO WORLD)
CALL EXIT
END
Good to see this one.
You could have put them in quotes here itself.
Where the hell do you get this kind of stuff ?
A link is sure to enlighten me !
maharajadhiraj
26-02-2006, 12:16 AM
Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
He's so full of ****, his eyes are brown. :twisted: :twisted: :twisted:
This is your mobile operator and we just found out you are too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it . Thank you
Your birthcertificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
I hear you're connected to the Police Department - by a pair of handcuffs...
Everybody has a photographic memory. You simply don't have the film.
Hey check out these insults. Most of them are repeated though. :lol: :roll: :winkPls don't mind the non-veg adult part PLS :oops:
No insults intended to any1 :)
readermaniax
26-02-2006, 12:25 AM
HEy nice INSULTS yaar ..... but where is the link/
Mr.Cool
26-02-2006, 03:02 PM
Hello to all.
Welcome to the Humour thread.
Post all your jokes here.
I will start off with :-
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.
One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"
When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
"God Almighty!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" but Mary didn't even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.
"Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary. The teacher said, "Very good!" and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?"
Again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and Shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"
The Teacher fainted.
sujithtom
26-02-2006, 03:19 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: Nice one. But i see tht there is no Bad option in the Poll ;-)
devarajan
26-02-2006, 03:29 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: Nice one. But i see tht there is no Bad option in the Poll ;-)
u r right man......
Mr.Cool
26-02-2006, 03:36 PM
Ahem. Satisfactory ! Hehe ! And post ur jokes too !
Deep
27-02-2006, 01:07 PM
how about...
"You have only 2 parents?"
That was no joke.... it's what our bio sir asked one of the guyz in class.. (By mistake!)
HI! THIS I SELF-INSULT
LOL this one was the funniest one haha
escape7
27-02-2006, 11:41 PM
I had memorised a few, the've come in handy, thanks a lot dude
readermaniax
28-02-2006, 01:46 AM
Hey u know wat/ .... these insults ive posted helped me in makin girl frnds
desertwind
28-02-2006, 02:40 PM
Chief Executive
% letter
letter: Command not found.
% mail
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
Old, but damn funny.
rajkumar_personal
01-03-2006, 11:25 AM
HOW ??
Did you insult someone else and show off your English skills ??? :wink:
jamyang312
01-03-2006, 01:25 PM
that was gr8!
readermaniax
02-03-2006, 07:48 AM
ya i did insult some one ....her previous boyfriend ... and takin about showing english ...what is there in english to show off///
readermaniax
03-03-2006, 11:55 PM
Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...
Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?
I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.
You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...
Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.
Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?
Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.
You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder
All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.
I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.
You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.
He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe
Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.
If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!
You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.
You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!
I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.
Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?
Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?
Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...
I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.
Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.
I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?
Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.
You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!
I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.
Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!
I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'
http://www.humorsphere.com/insults/
readermaniax
04-03-2006, 12:01 AM
"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."
- Groucho Marx
"His mind is so open - so open that ideas simply pass through it."
- F. H. Bradley
"The stupid person's idea of a clever person."
- Elizabeth Bowen talking about Aldous Huxley
"Avoid all needle drugs. The only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon."
- Abbie Hoffman
"The only genius with an IQ of 60."
- Gore Vidal talking about Andy Warhol
"A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind"
- Anon.
"Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today"
- Anon.
"Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing"
- Anon.
"Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own"
- Anon.
"He always finds himself lost in thought - it's an unfamiliar territory"
- Anon.
"He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words"
- Anon.
"I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works"
- Anon.
"I don't think you are a fool, but what's my opinion compared to that of thousands of others"
- Anon.
"He does the work of three men: Larry, Curly & Moe"
- Anon.
If you were orphaned when you were a child, I feel sorry for you, but not for your parents.
If you don't want to give people a bad name, you will have your children illegitimately.
Is your name Laryngitis? You're a pain in the neck.
Is your name Dan Druff? You get into people's hair.
I hear you pick your friends -- to pieces!!
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
They say that two heads are better than one. In your case, one would have been better than none.
You should toss out more of your funny remarks; that's all they're good for.
People can't say that you have absolutely nothing! After all, you have inferiority!
You must have a low opinion of people if you think they're your equals.
I wish you were all here. I don't like to think there is more!
If we were to kill everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; it would be genocide!
Even your best friend cheats on you and lies to you, and that's the best friend you can get.
I don't think you are a fool. But then, what's my own humble opinion against thousands of others?
Nobody says that you are dumb. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
People say that you are the perfect idiot. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright.
Ordinarily people live and learn. You just live.
The mind reader had a very busy day today reading minds. You were a vacation for him.
I thought of you all day today when I was at the zoo.
When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening.
I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice.
I reprimanded my brother for mimicking you. I told him not to act like a fool.
I'm very careful of how I express my opinions of you because I want to put as much vituperation in them as possible.
I don't hold your behavior against you because I realize it was caused by childhood trauma; your parents spanked you when you fell on your head and broke the cemen
Hello....I am starting this new topic for sharing Jokes related to Computers.
So please include your computer jokes or pranks in this thread...
Dont scold me if tese dont make u smile or if it's a repost...
techno_junkie
07-03-2006, 05:04 PM
The Top 11 Entries in Bill Gates' Diary
11. Invited entire tech-support department to play golf. Brought Melissa to complete the foursome.
10. Steve Jobs started work today. The silverware looks great, but he doesn't do windows -- yet.
9. The baby cries constantly. Maybe I'll buy Fisher-Price.
8. Bought my first Macintosh. It's sooooo cute!
7. Good day. Found over 15 bucks' worth of soda cans in the trash bins outside Microsoft headquarters.
6. Bad day. Ellison sent back the heads of two of the three hitmen I hired, along with a note saying he ate the third one whole.
5. Still ahead of Murdoch and Eisner. Yes!
4. Reminder: 35-cent Snapple coupon expires in two days!
3. Memo to self: Next time, when my wife says we need to buy china, she means dishes.
2. Ran into Demi and Bruce. Upped my offer to a billion dollars.
and the Number 1 Entry in Bill Gates' Diary...
1. Seventh day: rested.
techno_junkie
07-03-2006, 05:05 PM
Check out these full forms: - PART 1
PCMCIA - People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms.
IBM - I Blame Microsoft.
ISDN - It Still Does Nothing.
MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers.
RAM - Rarely Adequate Memory
ROM - Really Old Machine
APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity.
SCSI - System Can't See It.
PENTIUM - Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics.
LISP - Lots of Infuriating & Silly Parenthesis.
DOS - Defunct Operating System.
techno_junkie
07-03-2006, 05:06 PM
The Ten Commandments of DOS
I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.
Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack .
Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.
Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.
Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out .
Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.
Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0
Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof .
Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you're at it, don't try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.
Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the first place.
====================================
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0
and noticed a slow down in the performance of flower
and jewellry applications that had operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other
valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, but installed
undesirable programs such as NFL 5.0 and NBA 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6
simply crashes the system. I've tried running NAGGING
5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I
do?
Desperate
***************************
[REPLY]
Dear Desperate,
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment
package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and
install Tears 6.2.
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilty 3.0 and
Flowers 7.0.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence
2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Television 6.1. Television 6.1 is a very bad program
that will create Loud noises ( WAV files) and does not get deleted.
DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying
additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Cheerfulness 2.0.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
==================================
Top Ten Reasons Computers Are Male
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shinny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They'll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody's home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.
techno_junkie
07-03-2006, 05:07 PM
You Might Be an ISP if...
you know 56k means 'reliable 33.6' and 33.6 means 'reliable 28.8' and so forth.
you know the win98 setup wizard by heart and can walk a user through it without even interrupting your Quake/MUD/IRC session to do so.
you know where the email settings are in Internet Mail, Outlook Express, Pegasus, Eudora, Netscape Mail, Messenger Mailbox, and you don't use any of those programs for personal use.
you maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.
you know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they've done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.
you know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.
you know more ip addresses than phone numbers. Sometimes you just find it easier to type the dotted quad.
you know more phone numbers to modem banks than you know phone numbers to people.
you can name two web browsers other than Netscape or Microsoft's.
you find telnet a helpful daily tool instead of wondering what it is for.
you loathe the dancing baby and other large file attachments sent through email to unsuspecting users who can't pick them up off the server and then have to call and whine that their email doesn't work anymore.
you despise Microsoft FrontPage as a web editing tool and as extensions to your webserver.
you can answer the question 'is the internet broken' without laughing.
you can spot the theme behind the following list: RedHat, SuSE, Debian, Caldera, Slackware.
you can feel the load a server is under without actually checking statistics. It 'just isn't running right' actually makes sense.
techno_junkie
07-03-2006, 05:08 PM
Top 10 Signs that You've Overdosed on The World Wide Web
Your opening line is: "So, what's your homepage address?"
You see a beautiful sunset, and you half-expect to see "Enhanced for Netscape 4.0" on one of the clouds.
You are overcome with disbelief, anger, and finally depressed acceptance when you encounter a Webpage with no links.
You felt driven to consult the "Cool Page of the Day" on your wedding day.
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You are driving on a dark and rainy night when you hydroplane on a puddle, sending your car careening towards the flimsy guardrail that separates you the precipice of a rocky cliff and certain death, and you desperately look for the "Back" button.
You visit "The Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything" again and again and again.
Your dog has his own webpage.
So does your hamster.
When you read a magazine, you have an irresistible urge to click on the underlined passages.
techno_junkie
07-03-2006, 05:08 PM
You know you are an Internet Junkie when...
When asked to your address, your answer begins with http://
Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
You chat with your fingers, not your mouth.
You use Netscape 4.72, and you check every week whether version 4.73 was released.
You know the difference between Java and Javascript.
Most of your friends have an @ in their names.
In order to watch CNN you move to www.cnn.com
On your business card the e-mail appears before the phone number.
You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
You can perfectly imitate the sound pattern of your modem connecting to your ISP.
You can think of nineteen keystroke symbols that are far more clever than : -).
You are told about a new program, and you are disappointed to find that it is a TV program.
Not only do you check your email more often than your paper mail, but you remember your network address faster than your postal one.
You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
techno_junkie
07-03-2006, 05:09 PM
What does a baby computer call his father?
Data.
What is a computer`s first sign of old age?
Loss of memory.
What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
It slipped a disk.
Why was there a bug in the computer?
It was looking for a byte to eat.
What is a computer virus?
A terminal illness.
To err is human; but to really mess things up requires a computer.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
techno_junkie
07-03-2006, 05:09 PM
Some New Error Messages Planned for Microsoft Windows XP !!!
1) Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.
2) Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.
3) Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
4) Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!
5) Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.
6) Close your eyes and press escape three times.
7) Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.
This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?
9) Windows message: You have just made a type mismatch! Shall I format your brain?
10) This is a message from God: "Rebooting the universe, please log out"
11) Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue.
12) BREAKFAST.SYS halted... Cereal port not responding.
13) COFFEE.SYS missing... Insert cup and press any key.
14) CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot BJP? (Y/N)
15) File not found. Should I fake it? (Y/N)
16) Bad or missing mouse driver. Spank the cat? (Y/N)
17) Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.
1 Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
19) WinErr 547: LPT1 not found... Use backup... PENCIL & PAPER.
20) User Error: Replace user.
21) Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "OS/2 found: Remove it? (Y/Y)"
22) Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic
dIgItaL_BrAt
07-03-2006, 09:06 PM
Great stuff,dude!
can't stop LMAO!
sid_ashok
07-03-2006, 09:10 PM
instead of pasting from other sites please give me the source i will see it my self.
Any ways great jokes
SWEET SNEHA
07-03-2006, 09:13 PM
Customer: "Your sound card is defective and I want a new one." Tech Support: "What seems to be the problem?" Customer: "The balance is backwards. The left channel is coming out Of the right speaker and the right channel is coming out the left. It's defective." Tech Support: "You can solve the problem by moving the left speaker to the right side of the machine and vice versa." Customer: (sputter) (click) Tech Support: (snicker)
This guy calls in to complain that he gets an "Access Denied" message every time he logs in. It turned out he was typing his user name and password in capital letters.
Tech Support: "OK, let's try once more, but use lower case letters." Customer: "Uh, I only have capital letters on my keyboard." A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?" Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"
Tech Support: "Ok Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I don't have a 'P'." Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"
Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"
I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to keep it.
Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that go something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
Some people pay for their on-line services with checks made payable to "The Internet."
Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Yeah." Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, right?" Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon." Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows -- because of the icons -- I'm a Protestant, and I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well, that's just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to -- "Customer: "I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file cabinet...is 'little picture' ok?" Customer: [click]
Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." Customer: "No, it didn't crash -- it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game. That's what I said before. Now it doesn't work." Turned out, the user was playing Lunar Lander and crashed his spaceship. Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"
Vyasram
08-03-2006, 08:46 AM
seen it way back in digit/c**p
a guy calls a technican and says that his hard drive had crashed
technician asks him whether he had backed up
the guy backs away from his pc and asks, "why is it gonna blow"
imported_dheeraj_kumar
08-03-2006, 11:26 AM
a real life incident
some months back my comp didnt have proper earthing, so when you touch some places in the cabinet you may get a small shock.
my frnd came to my place last month, and the earthing was proper. he didnt know that, so he asked me if he would still receive the shock. so i touched the cabinet, i got no shock, and so i told him to touch it. he was a person who easily got scared. so he brought his hand near the cabinet slowly, and just when he was about to touch it i shouted"booooooooo". that guy got so frightened he fell outta the chair ROTFLOL that was the funniest incident
from the next day at school he was afraid to do the "ohms law" experiment lol
Vyasram
08-03-2006, 06:08 PM
had billy been the icc president, what wd he have done
He wd have make a rule that a team must declare if it reaches 640
Retro
09-03-2006, 04:03 PM
You know you are an Internet Junkie when...
You chat with your fingers, not your mouth.
You use Netscape 4.72, and you check every week whether version 4.73 was released.
You know the difference between Java and Javascript.
This is quite old dude
1) Netscape 4.7 and not Firefox or Opera?? Blatant ripping.. You need to credit the source though!
2) You know the difference between Java and Javascript?
BTW Nice jokes but as someone said, do credit the source, they spent a lot of time making them up!
readermaniax
10-03-2006, 01:33 AM
Ques. 1 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
Scroll Down for answer
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A TOMATO....... AND THE TRING TRING TRING WAS TO CONFUSE YOU......
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e157/fatalh4xor/Showteeth.gif
Anyways... Here s one more....
Ques 2 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
Scroll Down for answer (Yes Thats What u should be doing... )
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The DOOR BELL and the RED was to CONFUSE you......
http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e157/fatalh4xor/smile.gif
Anyways... Here s one more....
Ques 3 : What is RED and goes TRING TRING TRING ????
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was a
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great post!!
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Where are you finding these mumbai police and this article?
readermaniax
10-03-2006, 02:09 AM
hey.... this 1 is mine ...
ashnik
13-03-2006, 12:53 AM
tooooo old, no hard feelings
KHUBBU
13-03-2006, 01:17 AM
but really it was good and refreshing !
pradipudhaya
26-03-2006, 09:05 AM
Sardarji in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.
The questions are as follows:
1) How long was the 100 yr war?
A) 116
B) 99
C) 100
D) 150
Sardar says "I will skip this"
2) In which country are the Panama hats made?
A) BRASIL
B) CHILE
C) PANAMA
D) EQUADOR
Sardar asks for help from the University students
3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
A) JANUARY
B) SEPTEMBER
C) OCTOBER
D) NOVEMBER
Sardar asks for help from general public
4) Which of these was King George VI first name?
A) EDER
B) ALBERT
C) GEORGE
D) MANOEL
Sardar asks for lucky cards
5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:
A) CANARY BIRD
B) KANGAROO
C) PUPPY
D) RAT
Sardar gives up.
If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's
replies, then please check the answers below:
1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453
2) The Panama hat is made in Ecuador
3) The October revolution is celebrated in November
4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.
5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies.
Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again
//siddhartha//
26-03-2006, 11:50 AM
This proves THAT YOU ARE A SARDAR LOL..
thecyclone2k
26-03-2006, 11:56 AM
Ise Doordarshan pe suna hai (lol)
Read it before!!
shwetanshu
26-03-2006, 12:18 PM
got this in a mail forward 145786447541454775 times
mehulved
26-03-2006, 02:05 PM
Well sardar's(by sardar's I mean idiots) too have brains only that they use it sometimes.
BTW I got 3 right.I guess that's not bad.
Jatin_T
26-03-2006, 02:46 PM
Man..have read this so many time bfore..even in my stupid col mag..and they copied it from last years college mag of guess wat..our college...
But connecting them facts to Sardar was not needed!
~Phenom~
26-03-2006, 02:54 PM
Yeah , read it many times before.
pradipudhaya
26-03-2006, 05:27 PM
This proves THAT YOU ARE A SARDAR LOL..
duhhh.. i am not a sardar :shock: :x :evil:
__Virus__
27-03-2006, 12:20 AM
and the same topic existed right here on digit which lead to flaming :P
rajesh_nk22
27-03-2006, 03:40 PM
are sardars really dumb ones? have heard many jokes like this before.
niranjan_mcarenyold
28-03-2006, 10:21 AM
sardars are not dumbs, indeed they laugh for the jokes on them, because they know about the persons joking on them just wasting time finding faults in others instead of spending time on useful things.
if they consider this joke their time will waste in protecting india. because the punjab regiement is the powerful regiement in indian army
(meanwhile i am not at all a sardar and an army person)
gary4gar
28-03-2006, 02:25 PM
sardars are the most misunderstood & comic community in our community.poor caps!
rajesh_nk22
28-03-2006, 02:32 PM
Ya i agree with niranjan, Sardars hamhare army ki shaan hai
rajat22
30-03-2006, 04:24 PM
Sardar Jokes .. Fresh Stock
1. Ek dost ne sardar se poocha "yaar tu hamesha foreign channel kyon
dekhta rehta."
Sardar "yaar kuch bijli unki bhi kharcha hone do."
2.
4 hightech sardar inventions:
---Waterproof towel
---Solar powered torch
---Book on how to read
---Pedal powered wheel chair.
3. Why did sardar cut the sides of the capsule before taking it? Guess
what
---To avoid side effect!!!
4. Sardar ke bagiche me bahut pedh the. Sardar ne naukar se bola pedho
ko
pani dal.
Naukar bola "sahib barish ho rahi hai"
sardar : abe budhu chatri pakdke dal na".
5.
Man:sardarji where were u born?
sardarji: punjab.
man: which part.
Sardar: oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in punjab".
6. Lawyer to sardar: Gita pe haath laga kar kaho ke
---Sardar :yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court me bulaiya. ab fir
gita
pe haath.
6. Ek teacher ne sardar se puchha
"akal badhi ya bhais "
Sardar bola "sir pehle date of birth to batao".
8. Why was sardarji writing the exam near the door???
bcoz it was an
entrance
exam.
9.
Banta's son:dad there is some one on the door 2 collect donations for a
swimming pool.
Banta: give him a glass of water.
10.
Santa:I am a proud sardar, my son is in medical college.
Banta: really what is he studying?
santa: he is not studying they r studying him.
Third Eye
13-04-2006, 09:47 PM
PLEASE PUT YOUR ALL JOKES IN THIS THREAD !
The Sardar Jokes !
Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
Doctor: Aaisa kab hota hai?
Sardar: Phone karte waqt.
Sardar's son: Mom, kal raat ko wapas waisa hi hua. Bathroom jane ke liye darwaza khola aur apne aap light on ho gayi.
Mom: tenu kitni baar bola ki fridge ganda mat kiya kar.
Teacher: What is the chemical formula 4 water?
Sardar: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O.
Teacher: what r u talking?
Sardar: sir, yesterday u said it is H to O!!
Santa singh: Can u spell a word tht has more thn 1000 letters in it?
Banta singh: Post office.
Sardar: (to a friend)Aap kitna padhe ho?
Friend: B.A.
Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar! Sirf do word padhe, aur woh bhi ulte!?
A friend asks sardar: how was ur exam?
Sardar: It was ok but i couldnt answer past tense of THINK. I thought, thought & finally I wrote 'THUNK'!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Sardarni asked her lover, Santa Singh "Santa Darling, if we get engaged
will you give me a ring?"
"Sure" replied Santa "What's your phone number?"
* * * * * * *
Once Santa Singh, the psychiatrist, met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard
you are dead."
"But you see I'm alive," smiled the friend.
"Impossible," said Santa Singh. "The man who told me is much more reliable
than you."
* * * * * *
Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read
after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said Banta with joy,
"I have been illiterate for so long."
* * * * * *
Santa Singh was brought to court on charges of Drunken Driving. Just
before the trial there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded
the gravel on his table and shouted, "Order, order." Santa immediately
responded, "Thank you, your honour, I'll have a scotch and soda."
* * * * * *
Mr. Jaswant singh went to a grocery stores collected the grocery and came
to the counter and person at the counter started preparing bill for the
items.
Singh asked " Where is the fat ?"
The person didn't understand what Singh was saying and said, "Excuse me
sir, FAT???"
Sardar : "Yes Fat, Give me the fat"
Sardar started shouting and arguing with the person and all people gathered
and Manager of that grocery stores came there and asked Sardar about the
problem. Then sardar said "Hey Manager look, I took a yogurt from your
stores and it was written 'FAT FREE' on that but this guy is not giving me
the fat.
************
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
* * * * * *
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
* * * * * *
KHALISTAN JOKES
Khalistan National Drink: Sarbat Khalsa.
Khalistan National Bird: Tandoori Chicken.
International Airline: Kitthe Pacific.
National Airline: Itthe Pacific.
National Anthem: Sten-a gun-a man-a ..........
National Taxi Service: Kar Seva.
National song: Bande marte hum.
Female terrorist: Hard Kaur.
National dish: AKALI-DAAL.
Sikh scuba diver: JULL-UNDER SINGH.
Better adapted sikh diver: JULLUNDER SINGH GILL.
----------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardarji went to US & had a meeting with Bill
Clinton.
Bill : I want to show you the US advancement.
come with me. (He takes him in a deep forest)
Bill : Dig the ground. (Sardarji did it.)
Bill : more..more..more...
(Sardarji went upto 100 feet)
Bill : So now , try to search something.
Sardarji: I got a wire.
Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago
we used to have telephones.
( Sardarji became frustrated.)
He invited Bill to india. Next year Bill had been
in India
Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement.
(the same, he takes Bill in forest.)
Sardar : dig it .
(Bill does.)
Sardar : more ..more ..more .......... (Bill goes
upto almost 400 feet..)
Sardarji : try to find something.
(Bill tries.)
Sardarji : did you get anything ?
Bill : no.
Sardarji : yes, even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh saw that his friend Banta Singh was very
depressed.
"What Happened?" asked Banta.
"Yaar, I lost Rs.800 in a bet yesterday" replied
Banta.
"How Come?" asked Santa.
"well yesterday,the one day match between india and
england was being shown live on tv. I bet Rs.500 that
india would win, but i lost the bet"
"But that only 500"exclaimed Santa."Where did the rest
go?"
Banta Singh was in court charges with parking his car
in a restricted area. The judge asked him if he had
anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices" said
Banta.
" It said ' Fine for Parking here'"
An englishman, an american and Santa were called upon
to test a lie detector.
The Englishman said, Ican drink 20 bottles of beer ,
The detector went BUZZZZZZZ. Okay he said 10 bottles.
The machine was silent.
The american said, i can eat 15 Hamburgers, the
detector went BUZZZZZ. Okay he said 8 Burgers. The
Machine was silent.
Then Comes Santa, He said " I THINK ......"
BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ went the machine.
Once Banta had this ides that he would prove that
sardars are always normal at 12 o'clock. So he called
a press conference. He placed a big wall clock in the
hall and invited 100 Sardars there to test their
reaction. Time went by, and there was no reaction from
the sardars.
finally, there was only one minute left.
The media agog in anticipation of the breakthrough
they were about to witness.
Exactly a minute later, one sardar got up and asked, "
Saddi choti sui Kithe Gayi ( Where has our small hand
gone)
In Chennai Banta singh went to shop at Burma Bazaar.
His Tamilian friend told him things at the bazaar were
overpriced and he would do well to bargain for half
the price quoted by the shopkeeper.
Banta admired a stereo at ashop and asked the man its
price.
" Rs.2,000" said the shopkeeper.
" Rs.1,000" Said Banta.
" Rs.1,800" said the shopkeeper.
" Rs.900 " said Banta.
" Okay, I'll give it to you for Rs.1500 said the
shopkeeper.
No said banta Rs.750
Irritated finally , the shopkeeper told Banta to just
take the stereo and go he would give it to him for
free.
" Make It Two", said Banta.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Third Eye
13-04-2006, 09:48 PM
OTHER JOKES !
Robert: boss, China se Mr. Hu aayee hain.
Ajit: Goli maar do. Hu mar jaane par humor ban ke sab ko hasaayenge.
Scene: Ajeet thouroughly disgusted with Mona daaa..arrling's typing.
Ajeet: Raaberrt, Mona ke dono hathon ko kaat do.
Raabert: Magar kyoon baas ?
Ajeet: Typing to nahi atee, kamsekam shaarthand to seekh legi.
Ajeet: Raabert, in kutton ke saamne yeh Compooter laga do aur debugger
starrt kar do.
Raabert: Lekin kyoon, baas?
Ajeet: Saale Checkpoint mein atak jayenge.
Ajeet: Raabert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Raabert: Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakka maar raha hai.
Ajeet: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega. Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Raabert: Yes Boss.
Ajeet: (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards, tumhari Maa hamare
kabze mein hai .......
Scene: Ajeet comes to know about the traitor in his gang.
Ajeet: Raabert, ise ShamePain mein daal tho, agar Shame se nahi mara
to Pain se mar jayega.
Scene: Giving a decision as to how the hero should be killed.
Ajeet: Peter, time bomb le aao aur is saale ko usse bandh do. Timer ko
teek das bajhe set kar do. Nahin nahin, yeh saala to sub cheez
hamesha late karta hai. Iska mauth bhi late hona chahiye. Timer ko
panch minute late rakh do. Arre, Raabert, Raabert, bevkoof, silly
fellow, time bomb ko yahan peh math rakho, yeh to 'no-smoking' area
hai. Ha haa ha. Time bomb 'tic tic tic tic' karke bajega. Aur iska
dil 'tup tup tup' karke dhatakega. Tum agar paas me khade hoge
to tumko 'tic tup tic tup tic tup' suanaai dega"
Ajeet: Rabert! isko eraser se maar do, yeh mar bhi jayega aur mit
bhi jayega
Raabert: Boss! Aaap ko kaun si teen chiz sabse jahyahda pasand hein boss?
Ajeet: Ek Mona, Doosra Sona, aur Tisra, Mona ke saath Sona
Peter: Boss? Sona kahan hei?
Ajeet: Tum chahe jahan bhi sona, lekin mujhe to Mona darling ke saath sona!
Scene: Ajeet spots one of his is enemies...
Ajeet: Maikal, woh jo admi ghadi pahne tumhe nazar aarahaa hai, woh hamara mehman hai.
Tum ja kar uske doosre hath mein bhee gadhi pahna do...phir woh do
ghadi ka mehman ho jayega !
Scene: Ajeet is escaping with his men in a helicopter...
Ajeet: Kuch hee der mein hamara helicopter hindustan ki sarhadon ke pare
door birmingham mein hoga. Wahaan tumhe ek kaale rang ki sioorlett
(cheverlett) nazar aayegi. Wo tumhe signal degee...on..off..on..off
Raabert : Boss..hamara signal kya hoga ?
Ajeet : bewkoof...off..on..off..on...
Raabert: Boss? Is kaa kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Rawbert! Is pille ko liquid oxygen me daal do. Liquid ise jeene
nahi dega, aur oxygen ise marne nahi dega.
Peter: Boss? aur is pille ka kyaa kare boss?
Ajeet: Peter! Is saale ko super-conductor me daal do, saala bus mein
ticket dete-dete thak jayega.
Peter: Boss is saale ka kya karen ?
Ajeet: Ise microprocessor mein daal do...BIT by BIT marega !
Robert: aur boss..iska kya karen ?
Ajeet:Ise hamlet poison khilado...sochta rahega, to be or not to be !
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Ise varnish mein daal do, saala mar bhi jaayega aur finish
bhi aa jaayegi.
Bob: Boss, mission par kaise jaaoon, mujhe headek ho raha hai.
Ajeet: Abe head ek ho ya do, kaam to karna hi padegak.!
Scene: Ajeet ordering his chela to kill the enemy
Ajeet: "Raabert, Isss Haramzaade ko social security pe daal doo. Saale ko
Society jeene nahin degea aur security isse marne nahin degea.
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet are in a boat. The boat suddenly springs a hole
and water starts coming inside. Raabert is perplexed !
Raabert: Boss ab kya hoga ??
Ajeet: Raabert Ek aur hole bana do , aur ek hole me IN aur doosre me out
lik do . Ek hole se paani ander aayega aur doosre se bahar chale
jayega !!
Scene: Ajeet is worried about something. Robert is facing him.
Ajeet: Shanker kaal bahuth bada maal Versova beach per aane wala hain.....
A pause.....
Tum chootti le lo.
Scene: Raabert had twins and comes to the "Boss".....
Raabert: Boss, mere dono bachon ke liye koi naam bataiye..
Ajeet : Ek ka naam rakho Peter....
Raabert: boss or doosre ka ?
Ajeet: Repeater.
Scene: Raabert had triplet and comes to the "Boss".....
Raabert: Boss, mera teen bachche ka keya naam shoche hein aap?
Ajeet: Ek Naam rakhkho, Peter, Repeater aur Wang Chung.
Raabert: Teesra ka naam "Wang Chung" kiu boss???!!!
Ajeet: Beokuf, tumhe malum nehi...is prithwi me paida hone waalaa har
teesra bachcha Chinese hota hai.
Ajeet: Raabert, is bail kaa stool test karo.
Raabert: Stool, boss ?
Ajeet: Aakhir pataa chale ki ye bullshit kya cheez hai.
Scene: Ajeet get's hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.
Ajeet: Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara
rang laga do.
Maikal: Lekin kyon baas?
Ajeet: Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise
range haathon pakad legi. he he he....
Scene: Raabert and Ajeet go for shikar...Raabert spots a peacock...
Raabert: Boss....more.. more...
Ajeet picks up the peacock, shoots it and says...
Ajeet : Nomore !
Robert: Bass is gaddar ka kya karen ?
Ajeet : ise sui chubho chubho kar mar daalo... pulees samjhegi sui-cide
hua hai.
Peter: bass yeh aadmi to kuchh boal hee nahin rahaa...
Ajeet: Ise revolving chair pe bitha do, pataa to lage chakkar kya hai.
Ajeet: Mona, tum Toni se shaadi mat karnaa, bahut mona-toni ho jaegi.
Ajeet: Raabert, dayna (Diana) ko kuch khatta pila do.
Robert: kyu boss ?
Ajeet: Bewkoof, woh dayna se daynasour ho jayegi, phir extinct kar dena.
Third Eye
14-04-2006, 03:27 PM
Other Sardar Jokes !
PLEASE POST YOUR OWN JOKES HERE !
The Sardar Jokes !
One day Santa Singh climbed up a building, which had 200 floors.
One of Santa's friend called him- Banta your son is dead.
When he heard this he came down. But when he came down on the 100th storey then he remembered- aree I have no son, and when he came on 50th storey he remembered- aree I'm not married.
And when he came down on the last storey, then he remembered his name is Santa and not Banta.
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognized me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.
"I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
Mr Banta Singh is traveling from Moscow to Bhatinda. Seated besides him is Gary Kasparov. Gary asks him whether he would like to play chess to kill time.
Banta : 'Oye Gar(r)y. You think I don't know who you are?. I can't compete with a world champion'
Gary : 'How about if I play left handed ?'
Banta : [Think.. Think..] 'OK!'
Banta is demolished in 4 moves... and is very upset through-out the rest of the journey. On landing he meets his friend Santa Singh.
Banta : Hey! You know what! I played Chess with Gary Kasparov and he defeated me inspite of him playing left-handed.....
Santa : Oye ullu-de pathey!! He sure did fool you!! You know what!! Gary IS LEFT-HANDED!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once a sardar calls another sardar on the phone and says Hi,
Main Bol Raha Hoon.
The other sardar replies Kamaal Hain, Ithe Vi Main Bol Raha Hoon!
Boss tells his new employee, "Santa Singh, I'll give you 10 bucks an hour
starting today and in three months, I'll raise it to 20 bucks an hour. So
when would you like to start?"Santa replied, "In 3 months."
ik sardar jee se ek aadmeen poocha akal badhee yah bhens tu sardar jee thodha sochne ke baad bole pehleh dono ki umer batao phir batoonga
Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, ''Aap ke paas color TV hai kya?''
''Haan'' replies shopowner.
Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'
A Sardar, a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert.
They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they continued their journey.
The Japanese took the radiator, the British took the seat, and
the Sardar took the door.
After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid."
Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the seat?" So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the sand. I can
sit on this comfortable seat." Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the door.
The Sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it gets
hot all I have to do is roll down the window."
Sardar proposed a Girl......Girl said ''I''m 1yr elder to you''.
Sardar said ''Oh! No Problem Soniye, I''ll marry you NEXT YEAR.
A Sardar & his wife filed an application for Divorce. Judge asked: How''ll U divide, Ur 3 children?
Sardar replied: Ok! Well apply NEXT YEAR
Sardar was writing something very slowly.
Friend asked: Why r u writing so slowly?
Sardar: I'm writing a letter to my 6 yr old son, he can''t read very fast.
Flash news: A Two seater plane crashed in a graveyard in punjab . Local sardars have so far found 500 bodies and are still digging for more..
gary4gar
04-05-2006, 08:32 PM
i sometimes get bored with tons of tech news and search for some homurous & sooding news for a time refrashment.in this section members can post
1) email forwards
2) jokes
3) funny news & anything
members should feel to share the homur in this thread
Note:it should be suitable for all ages
To begin with here some student teacher Jokes
--------------------------------------------
=====
Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it".
=====
Waiter : "Would you like your coffee black?"
Customer : "What other colours do you have?"
=====
My grand-father is so old that when he was in school,
history was called current affairs.
=====
Teacher : "Sam, you talk a lot !"
Sam : "It's a family tradition".
Teacher : "What do you mean?"
Sam : "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher : "What about your mother?"
Sam : "She's a woman".
=====
Tom : "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed again?"
David: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated".
=====
Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?"
Student : "Brotherly love".
=====
Teacher : "Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?"
Sam : "No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook".
=====
Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him ?"
One Student: " Because George still had the axe in is hand."
=====
MysticHalo
05-05-2006, 03:27 AM
Good JOB...nice simple (short) jokes :D
~~~~~
PS:I wud rep u if they'll make me laugh...
gary4gar
05-05-2006, 12:26 PM
don't u all think all light talks should be held here???
what was all this supposed to mean? No offence dude...these old jokes are lame stuff.
QwertyManiac
12-05-2006, 09:17 AM
Huh, I guess you confused yourself into posting this LP ....... (Hmm, just to confuse you more, LP here isnt Linkin Park, its your post, LAME POST) :|
True Geek
12-05-2006, 11:51 AM
Man
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
This
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Just
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.Sux
And it isnt to confuse you. What a lame stuff
MysticHalo
12-05-2006, 02:34 PM
Huh, I guess you confused yourself into posting this LP ....... (Hmm, just to confuse you more, LP here isnt Linkin Park, its your post, LAME POST) :|
ROFL :D
still cant understand what he was trying to prove...anyways...where is the telephone?
~Phenom~
12-05-2006, 09:33 PM
And I thought he was talking about a red telephone.
Silly me?????
Naaaa....
Silly HE.
gary4gar
04-06-2006, 05:08 PM
I am creating this thread because i feed up daily seeing 3 or 4 threads of jokes or vedios.i think always in tech forum there shound'nt be more than one thread of his kind.i jokes posted by me here are not made by me.i am just sharing it with you.so lets start off...
======================================
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
Santa :"Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World Channel'. How does he know that?"
======================================
on Reservation
I think we should have job reservations in all the fields. I completely
support the PM and all the politicians for promoting this. Let's start the
reservation with our cricket team. We should have 10 percent reservation for
Muslims. 30 percent for OBC, SC/ST like that. Cricket rules should be
modified accordingly. The boundary circle should be reduced for an SC/ST
player. The four hit by an OBC player should be considered as a six and a
six hit by an OBC player should be counted as 8 runs. An OBC player scoring
60 runs should be declared as a century.
We should influence ICC and make rules so that the pace bowlers like Shoaib
Akhtar should not bowl fast balls to our OBC player. Bowlers should bowl
maximum speed of 80 kilometer per hour to an OBC player. Any delivery above
this speed should be made illegal.
Also we should have reservation in Olympics. In the 100 meters race, an OBC
player should be given a gold medal if he runs 80 meters.
There can be reservation in Government jobs also. Let's recruit SC/ST and
OBC pilots for aircrafts which are carrying the ministers and politicians
(that can really help the country...)
Ensure that only SC/ST and OBC doctors do the operations for the ministers
and other politicians. (Another way of saving the country...)
Let's be creative and think of ways and means to guide INDIA forward...
Lets show the world that INDIA is a GREAT country. Let's be proud of being
an INDIAN...
May the good breed of politicians like ARJUN SINGH long live...
=============================================
mods: please make it a sticky
Vyasram
04-06-2006, 06:09 PM
yeah, make this a sticky
I'd also recommend a sticky for all those wallpapers/screensavers/funny pictures ppl post in separate threads here
Two good frnds (A n B)start a company, initial success turns into disaster. A cudn't understand what he got wrong. Things got worse and he became a pauper. One day his friend told him "I am the reason for all our losses. I used most of the money to smuggle drugs. Now that truck has been captured and i got no money. A took a pistol and pointed at his own head. B stopped him sayin "Itz not that big, we can work this out". A replied "work this out, no way,after me you're next!" :D
also guyz plz post the source or original contributor's name if the joke isn;t made by u. The above reservation joke was made by Azim Premji
thetopcyborg
04-06-2006, 07:02 PM
I am creating this thread because i feed up daily seeing 3 or 4 threads of jokes or vedios.i think always in tech forum there shound'nt be more than one thread of his kind.i jokes posted by me here are not made by me.i am just sharing it with you.so lets start off...
======================================
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
Santa :"Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?" Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World Channel'. How does he know that?"
======================================
on Reservation
I think we should have job reservations in all the fields. I completely
support the PM and all the politicians for promoting this. Let's start the
reservation with our cricket team. We should have 10 percent reservation for
Muslims. 30 percent for OBC, SC/ST like that. Cricket rules should be
modified accordingly. The boundary circle should be reduced for an SC/ST
player. The four hit by an OBC player should be considered as a six and a
six hit by an OBC player should be counted as 8 runs. An OBC player scoring
60 runs should be declared as a century.
We should influence ICC and make rules so that the pace bowlers like Shoaib
Akhtar should not bowl fast balls to our OBC player. Bowlers should bowl
maximum speed of 80 kilometer per hour to an OBC player. Any delivery above
this speed should be made illegal.
Also we should have reservation in Olympics. In the 100 meters race, an OBC
player should be given a gold medal if he runs 80 meters.
There can be reservation in Government jobs also. Let's recruit SC/ST and
OBC pilots for aircrafts which are carrying the ministers and politicians
(that can really help the country...)
Ensure that only SC/ST and OBC doctors do the operations for the ministers
and other politicians. (Another way of saving the country...)
Let's be creative and think of ways and means to guide INDIA forward...
Lets show the world that INDIA is a GREAT country. Let's be proud of being
an INDIAN...
May the good breed of politicians like ARJUN SINGH long live...
=============================================
mods: please make it a sticky
nice joke ;-)
maharajadhiraj
05-06-2006, 09:54 AM
Hey buddy cut out the non-veg part will ya :D , there are kids in the forum!!!!
phatratt
05-06-2006, 10:37 AM
haha,nice thread,but pls no non-veg stuff:D jokes only related to computers and technology only would be nice.
here's one
An Internet Geeks Prayer
Help me log-on without fretting
Guide me as i'm internetting
Bless my downloading and uploading
Keep my browser from
exploding.
May my website be protected
Let not my password be rejected
Keep my line always connected
And may all my inputs be accepted.
Please keep my programs alive
And remember to back up my hard drive
And protect my computer from a crashing dive
From a virus that would make it a nesting hive.
__________________________________________________ _______________________________
Newton 's laws of software. ..
Law 1: Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by manager.
Law
2: The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.
Law 3: For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.
Law 4 : Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant!
Vyasram
05-06-2006, 10:43 AM
what is non-veg stuff????
robin345
05-06-2006, 11:49 AM
what is non-veg stuff????
Stuff that should be kept away from kids .Like Adult Jokes etcetc
Vyasram
05-06-2006, 12:01 PM
then why that name non-veg stuff , aren't kids supposed to eat fish and eggs and chicken
gary4gar
05-06-2006, 12:27 PM
all Double meaning stuff in my posts deleted.how delete the quote from maharajadhiraj posts.maharajadhiraj pls edit ur post
aryayush
05-06-2006, 12:53 PM
then why that name non-veg stuff , aren't kids supposed to eat fish and eggs and chickenSome things just get accepted by everyone without question and become a trend. This is one of those - no logic behind it, whatsoever! :D
Anyway, here is a superb poem:
ABORT, RETRY, IGNORE?
Once upon a midnight dreary, fingers cramped and vision bleary,
System manuals piled high and wasted paper on the floor,
Longing for the warmth of bed sheets, still I sat there doing spreadsheets.
Having reached the bottom line I took a floppy from the drawer,
I then invoked the SAVE command and waited for the disk to store,
Only this and nothing more.
Deep into the monitor peering, long I sat there wond'ring, fearing,
Doubting, while the disk kept churning, turning yet to churn some more.
But the silence was unbroken, and the stillness gave no token.
"Save!" I said, "You cursed machine! Save my data from before!"
One thing did the phosphors answer, only this and nothing more,
Just, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
Was this some occult illusion, some maniacal intrusion?
These were choices undesired, ones I'd never faced before.
Carefully I weighed the choices as the disk made impish noises.
The cursor flashed, insistent, waiting, baiting me to type some more.
Clearly I must press a key, choosing one and nothing more,
From "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
With fingers pale and trembling, slowly toward the keyboard bending,
Longing for a happy ending, hoping all would be restored,
Praying for some guarantee, timidly, I pressed a key.
But on the screen there still persisted words appearing as before.
Ghastly grim they blinked and taunted, haunted, as my patience wore,
Saying "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
I tried to catch the chips off guard, and pressed again, but twice as hard.
I pleaded with the cursed machine: I begged and cried and then I swore.
Now in mighty desperation, trying random combinations,
Still there came the incantation, just as senseless as before.
Cursor blinking, angrily winking, blinking nonsense as before.
Reading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
There I sat, distraught, exhausted, by my own machine accosted.
Getting up I turned away and paced across the office floor.
And then I saw a dreadful sight: a lightning bolt cut through the night.
A gasp of horror overtook me, shook me to my very core.
The lightning zapped my previous data, lost and gone forevermore.
Not even, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
To this day I do not know, the place to which lost data go.
What demonic nether world us wrought where lost data will be stored,
Beyond the reach of mortal souls, beyond the ether, into black holes?
But sure as there's C, Pascal, Lotus, Ashton-Tate and more,
You will one day be left to wander, lost on some Plutonian shore,
Pleading, "Abort, Retry, Ignore?"
gary4gar
07-06-2006, 08:15 PM
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence?"
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."
Teacher: How old is ur father.
Sunny:- As old as I am.
Teacher: How is it possible?
Sunny:- He became father only after I was born.
TEACHER:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs.
TEACHER:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
TEACHER:There is a frog,Ship is sinking,potatoes cost Rs 3/kg .Then,what is my age? STUDENT:32 yrs.
TEACHER:How do you know?
STUDENT:Well,my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.
Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of Water?
Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O
Teacher: What is this?
Paul: Well!! you said it is H2O.
Student (to teacher)Ma'am my pen has run out of ink.
Teacher:Go run after it.
Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class?
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.
Teacher: Where does God live?
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom.
Teacher: Why do you say that?
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"
Pupil: “Sir, Would you mind e-mailing my exam results to my parents?”
Teacher: “But your parents don’t have a computer.”
Pupil: “Exactly!”
gary4gar
09-06-2006, 09:29 AM
[Santa Banta]
Once a train was moving on the railway line. Suddenly the train got down from the railway line and started moving into the fields.
The passengers got angry and decided to punish the train driver.
When the train stopped, all the passengers came to the driver and asked:"Why did you take the train off the track into the fields."
Driver: A man came in front and was standing on the railway line.
Passeners: Why did you risk the life of so many passengers in order to save the life of one man.You should have driven the train on that man.
Driver: I was going to do this only but the man ran towards the field.
_____________________________________________
Once Morron entered a cybercafe to check his mails.It was crowded so he had to wait.As he waited he saw a man checking his mails.He stood behind him and watched.The man typed his password and was waiting when morron cried out "Yes yes I know your password.I can read your mails now.
"Surprised the man asked "Oh yeah, tell me what is it".
Morron replied " Five stars."
__________________________________________________ _-
Why did Santa Singh took 18 sardars to watch a movie?
Because under 18 was not allowed!
__________________________________________________ _
Banta: “My grandfather’s watch fell into a well and when it was found after 30 years, it was still keeping correct time”
Santa: What is so great about it? Once my grandfather fell into a well, and after thirty years when he was taken out, he was still alive.”
Banta: “How can it be possible? What was he doing in the well for thirty years?”
Santa: “He was winding your grandfather’s wrist-watch.”
__________________________________________________ ________________
Santa was was on his death bed. Santa: Where is my wife?
Santa's Wife: I am here.
Santa: Where are my sons?
Santa's Sons: We are here. Dad!
Santa: Where is Banta?
Banta: I am also here.
Santa: Then! who is at the shop.
__________________________________________________ ______
Santa:What should we do? The water level has risen above the danger mark.
Banta:Raise the danger level mark up by a few meters.
__________________________________________________ _______
How will a sardarji climb a tree?
He'll stand on a corn and wait for it 2 grow
__________________________________________________ ___________
Once Banta went to meet Santa.
Banta:When do U get up after a nice nap.
Santa:As soon as the sun's rays enter my room through the window Banta: Don't u find it too early.
Santa:No my window is towards the west, not towards the east.
__________________________________________________ ______________
SANTA & BANTA WERE GOOD FRIENDS.THEY BOTH LOVED CRICKET.THEY BOTH DECIDED THAT WHO EVER DIES FIRST WILL COME IN THE OTHER'S DREAM & TALK ABOUT CRICKET.BANTA DIED FIRST.
SO BANTA CAME IN SANTA'S DREAM AND TALKED ABOUT CRICKET.SO SANTA ASKED BANTA THAT HOW IS CRICKET IN HEAVEN?
BANTA SAID"IN HEAVEN CRICKET IS VERY FAMOUS".
THE NEXT DAY BANTA AGAIN CAME.HE TOLD SANTA THAT HE HAS ONE GOODNEWS & ONE BAD NEWS.SANTA FIRST ASKED THE GOODNEWS.
BANTA SAID"THE GOODNEWS IS THAT THERE IS A MATCH IN HEAVEN TOMORROW & I'AM THE OPENING BATSMAN".
THEN SANTA ASKED THE BAD NEWS & BANTA SAID "THE BAD NEWS IS THAT YOU ARE THE OPENING BOWLER IN THAT MATCH!!!".
__________________________________________________ __________________
Once two friends were boasting about themselves. Santa Singh:Once my granfather's wrist- watch fell in the well.When it was taken out after thirty years it was still running.
Banta Singh:So what's great about it!Once my grandfather himself fell into the well.When he taken out afer thirty years he was still alive.
Santa Singh:How can it be possible. What was he doing in the well for thirty years?
Banta Singh:Why not! He was winding your granfather's wrist-watch.
__________________________________________________ ________________
Once Santa Singh and some other country scientists came for launching a rocket.They started the counting 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 go!The rocket was still there.They tried it 3,4 times.
Then Santa said"Wait I'll try"
He climed up the rocket,first tilted to left,then to the right.He climed down,and then asked them to count.They started 10 9 8......go!The rocket went.
Everybody asked "How did u do it''.
Santa replied"In our country we start our bajaj scooter like that only...
__________________________________________________ _____________
Q:What is difference between a donkey and a sardar?
A:Only this a donkey has a tail.
__________________________________________________ ______________
One day Santa told Banta that Hindustan & Bharat are on war.
Banta replied but we live in India
______________________________________________
ONE DAY SANTA WAS CRYING. BANTA ASKED HIM WHY ARE YOU CRYING . HE ANSWERED I HAVE ONLY ONE BROTHER & BUT MY SISTER HAS TWO
Bear says: "If I roar in the forest, the entire forest is shivering with fear."
Lion says: "If I roar in the jungle, the entire jungle is afraid of me."
Says the chicken: "Big deal I only have to cough, and the entire planet sh*ts itself."
gary4gar
09-06-2006, 11:08 AM
thanx for response.lets make this thread a succes by dailly updating it
gary4gar
09-06-2006, 07:09 PM
Customer : I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer : Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and
all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
_________________________________
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer : A white one...
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support : Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer : Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support : That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer : No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on
my desk... sorry....
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Male customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill
Gates, damn it!
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try,
it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in
front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : I have problems printing in red...
Tech support : Do you have a color printer?
Customer : Aaaah....................thank you.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer : A teddy bear my boyfriend bought fo r me in the supermarket.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer : No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer : OK
Tech support: : Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer : Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another
keyboard?
Customer : Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter
V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer : Is that 7 in capital letters?
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support : Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer : Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support : Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer : Five stars.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer : Netscape.
Tech support : That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer : Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Customer : I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my
computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : How may I help you?
Customer : I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support : OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer : Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the
circle around it?
__________________________________________________ ____________________
A woman customer called the IBM help desk with a problem with her IBM Infoprint printer.
Tech support : Are you running it under windows?
Customer : "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The
man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and
his printer is working fine."
__________________________________________________ ____________________
Tech support : "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the
screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program
Manager."
Customer : I don't have a P.
Tech support : On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer : What do you mean?
Tech support : "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer : I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
__________________
Thats all for today
gary4gar
10-06-2006, 01:08 PM
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant.
"No, no, no!", said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
GIRL;Sir,could you please take my brother home because he is lost.
POLICEMAN:Why?Can't you take him home yourself.
GIRL:Because I'm lost too.
Once when the Pope is visiting U.S.A, he suddenly feels like driving the car.
He says to his driver,"I would like to drive the car for today".
But the driver says,"You don't have a licence sir & You don't know how to drive".
Pope says,"You have to obey me or else you will have to go to prison".
The poor driver had to give the wheel to him. The pope drove like a manic since he didn't know how to drive a car. A Police Officer seeing this signaled to stop the car. Pope stoped the car after his driver told him that the Police Officer singnaled him to stop. When the Police Officer came to the driver's window, he stared at the Pope for a moment and looked at the passenger's seat and started staring at the driver. Then he took out his walkie-talkie and called the President and said,"Sir,We have a Very Important Person here. I don't know him but Pope is his driver."
Burgler enters a policeman's house to steal. The wife wakes up and shakes her husband to wake up.
Wife: Look a burgler has come in our house. Catch him and take him to police station.
Husband: Dear, I am not on duty. Sleep now and I will take care of it in the morning.
There were three friends, Mad, Nobody and Somebody. One day, Somebody fought with Nobody and killed him. At once Mad called the police and said,"Somebody killed Nobody." The police asked him,"Are you mad?" and Mad said,"How did you guess?."
Lady:"i am in the middle of the road, can you tell me how to get to the hospital".
policeman:" just stay where you are and then you will get there anyway".
Policeman(to the watchman): Where were you when the labourer was kidnapped.
Watchman: I was on duty
Policeman: Then why didn't you try to save him.
Watchman: Sir, my duty is to keep watch on the building & not on the men of the building
Policeman:Stop, stop ,your headlights are not working
The Man:Move, move ,even the brakes are not moving
Q)Why is our Delhe Police considered most efficient?
Ans)Because they can tell about a robbery two days in advance.
Police:[to robber]Are you not ashamed?You come to jail so often?
Robber:[to police]Why should I be sir.You also come here everyday.
MegaD3th3K
11-06-2006, 03:30 AM
u might have heard these non-tech related jokes already. but anyway...
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an american and an idian archaelogist were discussing abt their country's technological progress. the american said, "during one of our recent excavations, we found copper wires which clearly indicates tht we had telephones for a long time in america!". Not to be outdone, the indian replied "during our excavations, we found nothing which proves tht we had wireless technology for a long time!"
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an american, a german and a sardar were standing in front of a mirror. the mirror was rumoured to have magical powers. anyone who said a lie would get sucked into it. the german says "I think i am the smartest guy in the world!". WHOOOSH. he was sucked in. next it was the americans turn. he says "I think i am the most handsome man in the .......". before he could complete, WHOOOOSH, he too was sucked in! Not deterred by the misfortune of his partners, the sardar proudly says "I think ................................" WHOOOOOOOOOOOSH.
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for guys who dont know hindi, a duck is called BATAK
manmohan singh and president bush were visiting Queen Elizabeth. they were asked to wait in the garden for her royal highness. the garden had a large pond right in the middle and there were many ducks swimming in it. when the queen finally arrived, president bush greeted her "ur majesty u look very $3xy today!". not to be outdone, manmohan singh tells her "ur machesthee, ur bataks are very beautiful!"
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go here for some tech related jokes:http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
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a few examples from rinkworks:
I burned a CD with some multimedia stuff on it for a friend of a friend. He couldn't get them working, because, it turned out, he had a 486 with 8 megs of RAM.
Him: "How come they don't work?"
Me: "You need a new motherboard, CPU, case, power supply, lots more RAM, and maybe a new video card."
Him: "Can you download them for me?"
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Customer: "I'd like to buy 2.5 gigabyte hard disk for my 286."
The machine didn't even have an IDE controller, so I had to explain there was no way he could get the disk.
Customer: "OK, I'LL GET IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE THEN!"
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I am the tech consultant for a computer repair company, but we also sell computers. Once, I had a teen walk in and say he wanted a gaming PC. I asked what kind of games he wanted to play.
Him: "Maybe I could get an Apple II to play Halo -- that's going to be about $20, right?"
I laughed and said that an Apple II wasn't going to cut it and that a PC that Halo could run on would run about $600. It wasn't what he wanted to hear.
Him: "Ok, how about a 50 megabyte hard drive, to make my other computer run faster?"
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I went with a friend to help him shop for a computer. Looking through the different varieties, he said, "I don't think I can afford one of these big ones [desktop machines]. I think I'll have to go with one of these little ones [laptops]."
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A while back, a friend of mine and I were discussing his new computer when he made a comparison to another friend's computer and said, "I know mine's better because it's bigger." I had a hard time not laughing.
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Customer: "Do I need a monitor? I have everything else."
Tech Support: "Yes, ma'am."
Customer: "Why? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of."
gary4gar
11-06-2006, 11:41 AM
Once two morons got fed up with the Indian Government and decided to blow up the parliament. They took 2 bombs, put them in a suitcase in the front seat of their car and set off.
On the way one moron asks the other, "What will happen if the bombs blast off now."
The other says, "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat"
Two morons walked towards each other on a country road. One carried a bag over his shoulder.
"What's in the bag?", said one moron
"Chickens", was the reply.
"If I guess their number correctly, how many can I have?"
"You can have both of them."
"OK," said the first moron, "Five."
Binny: "What happened to John, his nose was all swollen this morning?"
Pratik: "He tried to smell a brose."
Binny: "You mean a rose? There is no 'b' in a rose."
Binny: "There was a 'b' (bee) in this one."
moron1:Why can't we see the Sun at night?
moron2: Because it is too dark.
One evening, Ramesh and Mohan met in a garden. Suddenly Ramesh saw something that astonished him
Ramesh: That’s a strange pair of socks you are wearing- one green and one blue!
Mohan: That’s funny. I’ve got another pair just like this at home.
Rohan and Mohan got up on a double-decker bus. After a short while, frightened Rohan came down from the upper deck.
Conductor: Why did you come down?
Rohan: There is no driver in that bus.
There were 2 morons and each had a horse. They decided to put the horses in a shed for one month while they went on vacation.
One guy asked the other guy "How they were going to tell which one belonged to whom?"
After many long hours of thinking they finally came up with a solution.
They would shave the mane of one. That one belonged to the 1st farmer. So, they put the horses in the shed and left. When they came back the mane had grown back. They asked each other which belonged to whom.
Then the 1st farmer said, "OK I will take the black one you take the white one."
Did you hear about the idiot who made his chickens drink boiling water?
He thought they would lay hard boiled eggs.
Q:Which coat can you can put on wet?
A:A coat of paint
POOJA:WHAT NATIONALITY ARE YOU?
GLORY:MY FATHER IS FROM ICELAND AND MY MOTHER IS FROM CUBA.
POOJA:SO YOU ARE AN ICECUBE?
Customer:I like the material of the shirt but I did not like the shade
Shopkeeper:Don't worry sir ,after one wash it will dissappear.
Once a moron was going on a walk when he saw an ant. He hated ants and was about to stamp it.
Seeing this, the ant begged him not to stamp it today as it was it's birthday. Hearing this the moron picked the ant and said,"ok, let's celebrate your birthday.
I'll sing and you dance. The moron then started clapping and singing, "Happy Birthday to you!..." and killed the ant while doing so
FIRST MORON:I AM THE KING OF THIS WORLD.
SECOND MORON:WHO TOLD YOU?
FIRST MORON:GOD TOLD ME.
SECOND MORON: DON'T LIE. I NEVER TOLD YOU SUCH A THING
Once a moron got down at Agra.He thought that it was Delhi and searched for taxies which would take him to the Red Fort. Every taxi driver told him he didn't know the road to the Red Fort. After nearly twelve hours, he met another moron. the first moron asked:"Do you know the road to the Red Fort?"
The second moron asked him:"When did you arrive here?"
The first moron answered:"This morning.Why?"
The Second moron said:"That's a relief!What stupid city this is!I've been here a whole month searching for the Qutubminar!"
A moron asks another: if your dog lost his tail where would you get another one from?
Other moron: from a re-tail shop.:D
__________________________________________________ _______________
pls give some responses.:(
Rollercoaster
11-06-2006, 04:24 PM
response to gary4gar: nice jokes mate!
gary4gar
11-06-2006, 08:19 PM
A man visited a headmaster who was playing chess with his dog.
"Your dog must be very intelligent," said the man.
"Not really," said the headmaster. "I've won three games out of four."
Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother?
For smoking in bed.
Police officer: Excuse me, but your dog has been chasing a man on his bicycle.
Dog owner: Are you crazy? My dog can’t even ride a bicycle
Baby snake to its mother: Are we poisonous?
Mother: Why?
Baby: Because I've just bitten my tongue!
A frog went to an astrologer and was told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog said, “That’s great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No”, said the astrologer, “Next term—in her biology class.”
First cow: Moo
Second cow: Baa
First cow: What do you mean, baa?
Second cow: I’m learning a foreign Language.
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat.
Father Mouse jumped and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away.
"What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse.
"Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."
Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda.
The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back.
A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "Oh, come on, and let’s eat the sandwiches."
Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"
What should you do if you find yourself in the same room as Frankenstein, Dracula, a werewolf, a vampire and a coven of witches?
Keep your fingers crossed that it's a fancy dress party.
A snail got mugged by two tortoises. When he went to the police, they questioned him as to what happened.
He said, "I don't know, it all happened so fast!"
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, ''Hey, we have a drink named after you!''
The grasshopper looks surprised and says, ''You have a drink named Steve?''
Witch: "I'm on a diet and it's making me irritable. Yesterday I bit someone's ear off!"
Doctor: "Oh dear, that's a lot of calories"
An elephant was walking in a park. With each step he took, he squished many little ants.
Upset, the ants began to crawl up on the elephant -- first his legs and then up all over his body. When the elephant started feeling all the little ants on him, he shook hard, making all the little ants, except for one, fall to the ground.
As the only ant on the elephant hung on close to the elephant's neck, the ones on the ground began to yell, "Strangle him!!! Strangle him!!!"
ELEPHANT WAS ANGRY WITH ANT & WAS SEARCHING HER SUDDENLY HE FOUND THE ANT IN TEMPLE IN THE PLATE OF PRASAD HOW THE ELEPHANT FOUND HER
ANS:- ANT'S SHOES WERE AT THE GATE OF TEMPLE
Teacher:Name an animal found in the desert?
Rahul:Camel.
Teacher: Good,name another animal found in the desert?
Rahul:Another camel
warning:kripya apni fridge lock kar le kyonki abhi abhi pata chala hai ki cheetah bhi peeta hai
Submited By: shubham
What goes 99 clump , 99 clump 99 clump , 99 clump , 99 clump ? Ans:- A centipede with a wooden leg!!!
customer:- How long do you expect me to wait for half chicken?
Waiter:- Until someone else order for the other half. We can't go & kill half a hen!
Why do gorrillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers
A farmer concerned about well-meaning holiday makers feeding his horse. The farmer put a notice that said: Please do not feed cakes and buns to the horse
signed: The farmer.
Shortly afterwards the horse had put a notice that said: Please do not pay attention to the above notice.
signed: The horse
A boy went into a pet_shop and said to the man behind the counter, "Have you got any parrot-seed?"
"Oh.you've got a parrot, have you?" said the man.
"No," said the boy. "But I'd like to grow one!"
Once it was ant's birthday and she was looking beautiful in a lehenga-Chhunni.When the elephant came he took the ant in his hand and clapped and started singing 'Happy birthday to you.....'.But alas the ant died.
Teacher: John name me six animals that live on the snow. John:Three polar bears and three penguins.
Q: What did honey bee say when come back to home? A: "Honey i am home."
Ajay: My dog is very intelligent.
Timmy: How do you know?
Ajay: When I asked him what is 2 - 2 he kept quiet.
John:Name 6 animals which live in the north pole.
Maria:3 polar bears and 3 seals.
What do dinosaurs and decent lawyers have in common?
They're both extinct.
Gagan: "A dog bit me on the leg this morning."
Mohit: "Did you put anything on it?"
Gagan: "No, he liked it plain."
Customer: "When I bought this cat, you told me he was good for mice. He doesn't go near them!"
Shopkeeper: "Well, isn't that good for mice?"
How can you tell if two octopus' are lovers ?
They walk arm in arm in arm in arm!
gary4gar
11-06-2006, 11:08 PM
Famous quotes-from other forum
# The more i meet people the more i love my dog.
# Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
# Trust in God but lock ur car.
# I may be fat but ur ugly, and i can loose weight.
# Mothers are biological necessity, fathers are social inventions.
# There are women i could spend eternity with, but not this life.
The only advantage of living on Earth: It provides a free trip around the sun
There is no genius without sign of madness ....
#Life in VACUUM............SUCKSSSSSS
-- I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by
-- I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart
-- His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.
-- I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want an adorable pancreas?
-- I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
"Lead, follow or get out of the way..."
Behind every successful man there is a woman..and behind every unsuccessful man there are two
# Love conquers everything except poverty and tooth ache
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today."Work fascinates me"I can look at it for hours!
Love thy neighbor.But don't get caught.
"Looking like an idiot is the first sign of true love'.
# Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die
"When someone you love hurts you,
cry a river,
build a bridge,
and GET OVER IT.
#When u see women marry you realise how they must hate to work for living.
Your future depends on your dreams So go to sleep
# Smile yaar, its the second best thing u can do with ur lips.
#Home is where television is.
Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
-------------------------------
Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
-------------------------------
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired
-------------------------------
Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
Every man shud marry..afterall happiness is not the only thing..
Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" . . . 'till you can find a rock!
World cup Joke
To get everyone in the mood for the world cup....
It is just before an India v Brazil qualifying game.
Ronaldino goes into the Brazilian changing room to
find all his teammates looking a bit glum.
"What's up?" he asks.
"Well, we're having trouble getting motivated for this game. We know it's important but it's only India. They're sh*t and we can't be bothered".
Ronaldino looks at them and says "Well, I reckon I can beat these by myself, you lads go down the pub."
So Ronaldino goes out to play India by himself and the rest of the Brazilian team go off for a few jars.
After a few pints they wonder how the game is going, so they get the landlord to put the teletext on. A big cheer goes up as the screen reads "Brazil 1 - India 0 (Ronaldino 10 minutes)". He is beating India all by himself!
Anyway, a few more pints later and the game is forgotten until someone remembers "It must be full time now, let's see how he got on". They put the teletext on.
"Result from the Stadium "Brazil 1 (Ronaldino 10 minutes) India 1 (Bhaichung 89 minutes)". They can't believe it, he has single handedly got a draw against India!!
They rush back to the Stadium to congratulate Ronaldino. They find him in the dressing room, still in his gear, sat with his head in his hands.
He refuses to look at them. "I've let you down, I've let you down."
"Don't be daft, you got a draw against India, all by yourself. And they only scored at the very, very end!"
"No, No, I have, I've let you down... I got sent off after 11 minutes"
Vyasram
13-06-2006, 03:51 PM
F1 jokes
Why does Kimi prefer walkin back to the garage?
At least that way he won't hav 2 engine failures in the same race.
Why did Montoya get a podium position in monaco?
Cuz ther'z no grass on the monaco circut to mow on.
Why did Jaques get penalised in the pit?
Cuz he was running a proper race soo far.
Why did Coulthard wear a cape after gettin off the car?
Cuz he jus crapped in all that excitement.
Wat did Ron Dennis tell Kimi after the monaco race?
Who said mclaren's r unreliable, Montoya's on podium,wat other reason do u want.
Wat did Uji Ide ask the race engineer during the race?
"Wher'z the reset button, i want to start all over."
How do u make a renault engine to develop more "horse" power?
Get the bloody "donkey" outta it.
What did barri do when he saw schumi pull up behind him in monacco?
He switched off his radio.
Why wd anyone prefer Tigerwoods than a Mclaren.
TW can drive farther than 200m
Schumi and DC are in a desert. Evening comes, they set up their tent. Both go to sleep. DC wakes up in the middle of the night. Schumi isn't in the tent. He can hear something coming from outside the tent. DC peeps out and sees Schumi running around the tent like crazy, a big lion after him... DC: Run faster, he's gonna catch you! But Schumi kept his cool.
Reason: he already lapped that lion.
Why is Rubeno when at Ferrari was so popular with the ladies?
A: Because he lets his partner come first!
What's the difference between Ide and a bus driver?
One is a highly skilled professional driver, and the other is in Formula 1
The F1 race in Monaco ends with a big crash. Six drivers are killed, Kimi Raikonnen is one of them.
Now his wife is invited to come to the morgue to identify her Kimi.
The coroner opens the first box - she: "No, that's not my Kimi!"
The coroner opens the second box - she: "No, that's not my Kimi!"
The coroner opens the third box - she: "No, that's not my Kimi!"
The coroner opens the fourth box - she: "Sniff - yes - sniff, that's my Kimi!"
And suddenly she loses self-control and cries: "F****** Kimi, again not in the first three!!!"
Reasons why regular cars are far superior than Formula One racing cars
No door... I mean, people have to climb in. Actually, ANYBODY can climb in and steal it. Pffft!
No roof... The people who drive these things are left open to the elements. Like, even convertible cars have something you can pull over your head.
No radio (AM and FM), no cassette nor CD player... how boring it must be to drive in those things for close to two hours without having anything to listen to.
No heating... Being left open to the elements, the drivers' toes must become very cold after a while.
No coffee cup holder... Those guys can spill all the hot (and dangerous stuff) over themselves. What with them steering with one hand and trying to drink with the other.
No ashtrays and electric lighter...
No windshield wipers... and they expect them to race in the rain?
No windshields... Well, I guess no. 7 and 8 go hand in hand.
No turn signals... How can they indicate they intend to pass?
No headlights... No wonder they only drive in the day time.
Only one brake light...
Only one seat... How can a guy go necking with his girlfriend at the local drive in?
No anchor for a baby seat... And they are trying to make us believe that safety comes first?
No trunk...
No adjustable seats... (mine goes back and forth, and can be tilted as well)
High fuel consumption...
Engines that don't last...
Tyres that just wear off in no time flat...
Where's the bloody ignition? I guess it's back to the old Model T days when the cars had to be crank started.
No sun visor... Must be fun driving those things with the sun in the eyes. Talk about accidents waiting to happen
All jokes r taken frm various websites
Soccer
Match between Brazil and Dummies
Ronaldhino says "i 'll take them out single handedly"
Match changed to Ronaldhino vs Dummies
Score at Half time
Brazil 1 0 Dummies (ron 19')
Full time score (Brazil 1 1 Dummies (xyz 89'))
Ron complains "That ref screwed me from winning this match"
Teammates ask "He dissallowed a goal, eh?"
Ron : "no"
Teammates: "The dummies were offside when they equalized?"
Ron:"No, the ref sent me off in the 20th min"
Q: What part of a football pitch smells nicest?
A: The scenter spot!
Q: Why aren't football stadiums built in outer space?
A: Because there is no atmosphere!
Q: What's the chilliest ground in the premiership?
A: Cold Trafford!
Q: How did the footbal pitch end up as triangle?
A: Somebody took a corner!
Q: Which England player keeps up the fuel supply?
A: Paul gas coin!
Q: What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas?
A: Ince pies!
Q: What does a footballer and a magician have in common?
A: Both do hat tricks!
Q: Which goal keeper can jump higher than a crossbar?
A: All of them, a crossbar can't jump!
Q: Why are football players never asked for dinner?
A: Because they're always dribbling!
Q: Why did the footballer hold his boot to his ear?
A: Because he liked sole music
Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F*** me, is it May already?"
Two blokes were walking through a cemetery when they happened upon a tombstone that read:
"Here lies John Sweeney, a good man and a Chelsea fan."
So, one of them asked the other: "When the hell did they start putting two people in one grave?"
Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon?
A: A Problem.
Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: An even bigger problem.
Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon?
A: Problem solved
Q: What does Jose say when Chelsea score?
A: Fantastic. Now let us try to get goal at the other
Q: What do you get if you see a Chelsea fan buried up to his neck in sand?
A: More sand.
A bloke goes into Stanstead Airport and manages to eventually get into the departure lounge where his flight home is being called. All around him there are overturned tables, smashed windows, computer terminals broken, upturned chairs and crowd control barriers lying on the floor.
"Christ, what's happened here?" he asks one of the ground crew.
"Oh yeah...", he replies "Absolutely hopeless .... we had the Chelsea players in here this morning filming the new Nike ad".
A little boy took his parents to court because he did not want to live with them anymore. The honored judge said to him "So why don't you want to live with your dad?"
"Because he beats me" said the little boy.
"Why don't you want to live with your mum then?" asked the judge.
Because she beats me aswell.
"Oh" said the judge "Well who would you like to live with then?"
The little boy replied" I would like to live with Sunderland, because they don't beat anyone!!"
Alex Ferguson is curious how Arsenal reached the cl finals, so he decides on a visit to London to see how Arsene Wenger coaches his team. After one day he is not really impressed by the training practices, so he asks Wenger how he gets his players so sharp. 'Well it is simple. I sometimes ask my players a difficult question, and that way they stay really sharp mentally'. Of course Fergie wants an example, so Wenger asks Bergkamp to come over to the sidelines. He asks: 'Dennis, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is not difficult', Dennis answers immediately, 'Of course that is me'. 'You see? That's the way you keep them sharp', Wenger says to Fergie. Ferguson, who wants to shine in Europe also, decides to bring this into Manchester United's practice the next day. He calls Rooney over to the sidelines. 'Wayne, I have a question for you', he says, 'He is not your brother, but still he is your father's son, who is he?' 'My God, Coach', is the reply, 'That is a tough one to answer, can I sleep on that one night, and why do you ask me these questions?' Fergie explains it has to do with some continental coaching trick and agrees with the one night postponement. So that night Rooney decides to call Jaap Stam. He has played on the continent, maybe he knows something about these continental coaching methods. 'Jaap, maybe you know the answer to this question, he is not your brother, but still he is your father's son. Who is he?' 'That is easy, that is me!', says Jaap Stam. So the next day Wayne walks full of confidence to Ferguson. Fergie asks: 'Wayne, do you know the answer to my question now?'. 'Yes it was actually very easy', he says, 'Is it Jaap Stam?' Ferguson answers: 'No of course not you stupid idiot. It's Dennis Bergkamp
There was a Arsenal. fan with a really crappy seat at Highbury. Looking with his binoculars he spotted an empty seat on the half way line. Thinking to himself "What a waste", he made his way down to the empty seat. When he arrived at the seat, he asked the man sitting next to it, "Is this seat taken?" The man replied, "This was my wife's seat. She passed away. She was a big Arsenal fan." The other man replied, "I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. May I ask you why you didn't give the ticket to a friend or a relative?" The man replied, "They're all at the funeral."
Buffon was walking along the street one day when he heard screams from a nearby building. He looked up to see smoke billowing from a fourth-floor window and a woman leaning out holding a baby.
"Help ! Help!" screamed the woman, "I need someone to catch my baby!"
A crowd of onlookers had gathered, but none was confident about catching a baby dropped from such a great height. then Buffon, stepped forward. "I'm a professional goalkeeper," he called to the woman. "I'm renonwned for my safe hands. Drop the baby and I will catch it. For me, it will be just like catching a ball."
The woman agreed:"Ok, then. When I drop my baby, treat it as if you were catching a ball."
On a count of three, the woman dropped the baby. Everyone held their breath as the goalkeeper lined himself up to catch it. There was a huge sigh of relief, followed by wild cheering as he caught the baby safely in his arms. Then he bounced it twice on the ground and kicked it 50 yards down the street.
A border dispute emerged between heaven and hell. God invited the devil for conversations to find a way to resolve this dispute quickly. Satan, the devil, proposed a soccer game between heaven and earth.
God, always fair, told the devil, 'The heat must be affecting your brain, the game would be so one sided, don't you know all the "good" players go to heaven?"
The devil, smiling, responded "Yeah, but we've got all the refs'..."
All jokes are taken from various websites
gary4gar
13-06-2006, 05:49 PM
Teacher - Where is himalaya.
Kid - Madam!I don't know.
Teacher- Don't know? Stand on the desk.
Kid - I still cant see.
Teacher:What's the meaning of a school?
Robin: A school is a place where father pays and the child plays!
Raj:What is your baby brother name
Raju:I dont know he can"t talk yet
Girl: "What did you get that little medal for?"
Boy: "For singing."
Girl: "What did you get the big one for?"
Boy: "For stopping."
Son: "Dad, are you getting taller?"
Dad: "No, why do you ask?"
Son: "Because your head is growing through your hair!"
A little boy wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he tapped his teacher on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."
Raju: "What sort of a car has your dad got?"
Ajay: "I can't remember the name. I think it starts with T."
Raju: "Really - Ours only starts with petrol."
Q:WHAT IS THE NAME OF A CITY IN WHICH WE CANNOT ENTER?
A:ELECTRICITY
Teacher:Ramu,what is far moon or Bombay?
Ramu:Bombay,because we can see moon,but we cannot see Bombay.
There were two brothers, who were very naughty. If anything went wrong in a locality they were suspected. So one day their parents decided to take them to a counsellor.
At the counsellor’s place, he asked the younger brother: “Where is God?”
The kid went blank. The counsellor again repeated the question. At this the kid cried and went to his older brother saying that they were in trouble because God was lost and they were being suspected for stealing him.
Sahib Aggarwal, Jammu (J&K)
Rajiv: Oh God! Please make Mumbai the capital of India
Mother: But why son?
Rajiv: Because that’s what I wrote in my test paper.
Naina: We should use soap to keep our body clean. What should we do to keep our heart clean?
Nancy- I don’t know !!! Probably we must eat the soap.
Son: “Mon, teacher was asking me today, if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school.”
Mom: “That’s nice of her to take such an interest in you.So what did she say when you told her that you’re the only child, my dear?”
Son: “She just said… “Thank goodness!”
Father: “Son, why are you standing with your hands up?”
Son: “Because you told me to revise everything I did in school today!”
The child comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, “What did you learn today?”
The kid replies, “Not enough. I have to go back tomorrow.”
Early one morning, a lady went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
"Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
______________________________________________
A little guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink
for half an hour when this big trouble-making truck driver steps
next to him, grabs his drink and gulps it down in one swig. The
poor little guy starts crying.
"Come on man, I was just giving you a hard time." says the truck
driver. "I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a
man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life." says the little guy between
sobs. "I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an
important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the
parking lot, I found my car was stolen and I have no insurance.
I grabbed a cab home but, after the cab left, I discovered my
wallet was still in the cab. At home I found my wife in bed with
the neighbor. So I came to this bar trying to work up the courage
to put an end to my life. And then you show up and drink the
poison."
______________________________________________
A bus stops, and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice. Then I come ona lasta time.”
“You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine,” retorted the lady indignantly. “In this country . . .we don’t speak aloud in public places about our sex lives . . ”
“Hey, coola down lady,” said the man. “Who talkin’ abouta sex? I’m a justa tellin’ my frienda how to spell ‘Mississippi’.”
_____________________________________________
Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday. Little Bobby, of course, thought he did.
Bobby's mother wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you have behaved this year.
Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday." Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God,
I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend,
Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God,
This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3
Dear God,
I have been an "OK "boy this year. I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby
Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God,
I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike.
Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5
God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE!!!!!!!!!!
__________________________________________________ _____________
guys pls give some response
aryayush
14-06-2006, 04:19 PM
This joke is taken from somewhere else in this forum but it was a picture so I just typed it up and posted it in its appropriate place. :) Enjoy!
REMEMBER THE TIME
A computer was something on T.V.
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of goat
An application was for employment
A program was a T.V. show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano
Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out
Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You’d be in jail for a while
Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened in your commode
Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web site was a spider’s home
And a virus was the flu
I guess I’ll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody’s been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
rakeshishere
01-07-2006, 11:05 PM
This thread will be dedicated for computer pranks and jokes.....Pleaz post some really good ones.......Here is my share which i think is the best among all....
www.rjlsoftware.com
rakeshishere
01-07-2006, 11:33 PM
Some more cool links for having some real fun.....
www.computerpranks.com
www.lizardworks.com/pranks.html
www.mrfreefree.com/free_internet_services/pranks.html
www.charlietubbles.com/computerpranks.htm
www.prank.org
www.zug.com/pranks/fooltool/
View these links for pranks, gags and Tons of jokes
mediator
02-07-2006, 03:06 AM
This shud definately be made sticky!!
casanova
02-07-2006, 11:49 AM
Wrong section. This shud be in the generals section.
nitish_mythology
03-07-2006, 10:49 AM
The thread is nice but shd b in the General section...
Reported to a mod..
rakeshishere
04-07-2006, 03:12 PM
1. Gulshan Grover is riding a bike at the velocity of light.
On the way he offers a lift to a stranger.
Stranger: 'Sir, can I know your name please'
Gulshan : 'I am Gulshan Grocer'
Stranger : Grocer? Sure you dont mean Gulshan Grover??
Gulshan: No it is Grocer.
Now tell me why did Gulshan say so...
ANS: Because at the speed of light V=C
2. Ek baar ek aadmi ek auto mein baithta hai aur ghar le jaane ko bolta hai..
Autowala, yeh dekhkar ki aadmi sheher mein naya hai,bahut ghumak phira
Ke le jaata hai aur bahut charge kar deta hai.
Ghar pahunchte pahunchte bahut der ho jaati hai aur andhera ho jaata
Hai.
Aadmi pehle se hi bahut frustrated hai aur ghar jaake dekhta hai ki
Bijli nahi hoti hai.
Par aadmi ko sab kuch saaf saaf dikhayee deta hai. Kaise???
Kyonki autowala aadmi ko ULLOO bana deta hai aur usko raat ko sab kuch
Saaf saaf dikhta hai.
3. Why did the American get scared of the Gujju?
Because he said 'Sue kare chhe.'
4. What did the Gujju! mean when he said," Maro dikro
STATES ma gayon?"
His son failed in statistics.
5. Maro dikro Dubai gayo?
My son drowned.
6. Question: An elephant was in love with a she-elephant.
But the she-elephant went and got married to some
other elephant. So our elephant was very Depressed.
One of his friends felt sorry for him, and took him
to a park to cheer him up. In the park, they sat on a
see-saw, but the see-saw broke. Now, which song
would our hero sing?
Ans: "See-saw ho ya dil ho, aakhir toot jaata hai."
7. Question: Two hairs on a bald man's head fall in
love with each other and want to get married, but
cannot.
Why?
Ans: Because under Indian laws, "baal vivaah" is
illegal.
8. Question: One fine morning, Ravan felt guilty day
for all his bad deeds. He felt that he should go an
apologise to Ram for all the problems he had
caused. So he went to Ram's house and knocked on the door.
Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Ravan
standing there. Ravan just kept staring and
thinking but didn't say a word. What was he thinking?
Ans: "Kis mooh se maafi maangoon?"
9. Question: How do you "cut" roads?
Ans: By laughing... because "Haste haste cut jaye
raaste".
10. Question: Luv and Kush are going to a village and
pass by a well. Luv falls into the well. Why?
Ans: Because Luv is blind.
11. Question: Now, Kush also jumps in. Why?
Ans: Because Luv ke liye saala Kush bhi karega!
12. Question: Jackie Chan ki saas ka naam kya
hai?...........
.........Socho, socho. Nahi pata?
Ans: D'Cold; Because... Chain ki saans - D'Cold
13. Question: Chalo ab batao, Jackie Chan ki bahu ka
naam kya hai? ..........
.............
This one's really simple...
Ans: D'Cold again... Kyunki saans bhi kabhi bahu
thi
14. Question: In an elephant school, some loafer
elephants were hanging around in the canteen. A sexy female
elephant passes by. What do the loafer elephants
say about her?
Ans: Look yaar, 36000 - 24000 - 36000!!
15. Question: Prasad asks Kumble to bring a Pepsi.
Kumble brings a bottle, but takes it directly to
Tendulkar.
Why?
Ans: Because Tendulkar is an opener.
16. Question: Who is Joe?
Ans: Kambakth ishq... Because "Kambakth ishq hai
Joe!"
__Virus__
04-07-2006, 03:38 PM
**Dies after reading the first joke**
Vyasram
04-07-2006, 05:30 PM
there is a separate thread for jokes and lite talk
thats the worst set of Jokes.....ever....u deserve to die.................
Rollercoaster
06-07-2006, 12:26 PM
yo man. there should be(there is) one place for jokes n similar 'tuff. this way it is all "distributed database" and lesser people enjoy the jokes and more people get annoyed at the clutter....
i dont like these jokes.. they are bullshi#. waste of space.
~Phenom~
06-07-2006, 02:17 PM
they are just rubbish.
go_gamez
06-07-2006, 02:35 PM
all pjs ...gift it to our respected .president of india... cauz he is a pj (A P J Abdul Kalam )...i know this is also one of the worst PJ ..
teknoPhobia
06-07-2006, 08:21 PM
*Gack* *Hack* *Cough* *Cough* Keels over and dies
dIgItaL_BrAt
06-07-2006, 08:44 PM
*Gack* *Hack* *Cough* *Cough* Keels over and dies
+1
Chirag
27-08-2006, 08:29 PM
Hey now I m starting a joke thread. So guys post all the jokes u know here and make others laugh. I know there were many other threads but I searched but didn't find one.
This is a non veg joke but its kewl.
When Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he said "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind, good luck Mr. Goorski."
For years, mission control tried to find what he meant by "Good luck Mr. Goorski." They checked with Russian astronauts but could not locate Mr. Goorski. Until now, Neil would not reveal what he meant by "Good luck Mr. Goorski."
Today in a press conference, he told reporters that years ago, when he was a young boy, he and his brother were playing ball when his brother hit the ball under their neighbor's bedroom window. When Neil went to retrieve the ball, he overheard his neighbor's wife, Mrs. Goorski, telling her husband, "ORAL SEX? I'LL GIVE YOU ORAL SEX WHEN THE KID NEXT DOOR WALKS ON THE MOON!"
:D
Now even if its old then don't say its old or read somewhere. Jst post jokes.
haha..........that's a good one!!! where did you get it???
hemant_mathur
08-09-2006, 06:19 PM
nice ones.
ilugd
08-09-2006, 08:28 PM
Tie = Kant Langot..
ROFL
Vishal Gupta
08-09-2006, 11:40 PM
The best one were:
table tennis
Tea &
Mosquito was amazing. :D
I hv also heard about button : vastra sanyojak yantra :D
led_shankar
08-09-2006, 11:57 PM
OMG
I thought these were real, until I saw tea (chai) and mosquito (machchar)
__________
Tie = Kant Langot..
ROFL
I had a seriously dirty interpretation of that one
SolidSnake
09-09-2006, 01:14 PM
I had a seriously dirty interpretation of that one
What was that?:D
Kisiki ko pataa hai ki Electronic ko Hindi mein kya kehte hain?:neutral:
led_shankar
09-09-2006, 08:01 PM
@SolidSnake: I'll tell you only after you make a few guesses ;)
aadipa
09-09-2006, 11:43 PM
Telephones are दूरध्वनी and Mobiles are भ्रमणध्वनी. More common but funny.
@SolidSnake: isn't electronic = विद्युत ?
led_shankar
09-09-2006, 11:54 PM
@aadipa: I believe that vidyut is electric, not electronic. Totally different things, as you know.
SolidSnake
10-09-2006, 12:29 AM
विद्युत = Electricity (Electric Current)
Shankar, bataa do yaar warna neend nahin aayegi.:D
led_shankar
10-09-2006, 01:07 AM
विद्युत = Electricity (Electric Current)
Shankar, bataa do yaar warna neend nahin aayegi.:D
it is a very very crude thing that i cannot post her.
Basically, the first word in the phrase (esp. the one written by ilugd) sounds a lot like an English foul word.... :D ;)
anurag_online
10-09-2006, 01:12 AM
OMG OMG mast hai
SolidSnake
10-09-2006, 02:26 AM
it is a very very crude thing that i cannot post her.
Basically, the first word in the phrase (esp. the one written by ilugd) sounds a lot like an English foul word.... :D ;)
I got it....first word of Tie's Hindi counterpart...;)
led_shankar
10-09-2006, 09:56 AM
^
:D congrats....now you can sleep.....
Vyasram
10-09-2006, 11:17 AM
translation plz
led_shankar
10-09-2006, 11:31 AM
haha
VyasRam, I sympathise with you....
Anand_RF
10-09-2006, 11:38 AM
Lol yeah. Vyasram, some jokes are just meant to be heard in one language. Otherwise,they lose the effect.
Rollercoaster
10-09-2006, 12:37 PM
lolz
btw they seem to me like descriptions more then hindi equivalants...
anyone got a hindi/sanskrit teacher as parents pls get some truth :-)
thr 1st one for cricket translates back too
A compitition to repeatedly and enthusistacially hit the 'guttam' ball with a wooden flat piece of wood!!
technicially shouldnt cricket be just cricket as it is a noun(i think :-) )
sory for getting all nerdy here but - :-D
and also i think matchbox is just 'machis ki dibbi' ;-)
my fav - lawn tennis... LOLz
ilugd
10-09-2006, 01:01 PM
matchbox - machis ghar
TechGuru#1
11-09-2006, 04:23 AM
best,bester,bestest :)rofl!!!
sysfilez
11-09-2006, 02:44 PM
OMG
hilarious isn't it. nice interpretation.
freakitude
11-09-2006, 06:51 PM
lol
WHYIWASBANNEDFORNOREASON
27-10-2006, 11:48 PM
Main kal bazaar ja raha tha
Ke meri chappal toot gai
AB chappal to "moochi" seeta hai
"seeta" to "darzi" bhi hai
"darzi "to "kapray" seeta hai
"kapray" to "rangeen" hotay hain
"rangeen" to "lota" bhi hota hai
" lota" to "bathroom" main hota hai
"bathroom" main to "nal" bhi hota hai
"nal" to "lohay" ka hota hai
"lohay" ki to "istiri" (Iron) bhi hoti hai
"istri" to "garam" hoti hai
"garam" to "Custard" bhi hota hai
"custard" to "peela" hota hai
"peela" to "chooza" bhi hota hai
"chooza" to "anday" main se nikalta hai
"anda" to "sufaid" hota hai
"sufaid" to "doodh" bhi hota hai
"doodh" to "bhains" daity hai
"bhains" to "kaali" hoti hai
"kaala" to "bangali" bhi hota hai
"bangali" to "paan" khata hai
"paan" to "laal" hota hai
"laal" to "gulab"bhi hota hai
"gulaab" main to "kantay' hotay hain
"kantain" to "machli" main bhi hotay hain
"machli' to "acchi" hoti hai
"achcha" to "Bander" bhi hota hai
"bander' to! "bander' hota hai
Padhne walay "bunder" jaisay hi hotay hain
"Jo padh kar apna time barbad
Karte hain.."
Well..
Ooper wale nay aap ko
Bheja to bheja .
"per bheja to
Aisa bheja...."
Ki
"bheje mein bheja hi nahi
Bheja.".
Ye mujhe kisi
NE bheja ..
Isliye Maine aap ko bheja....
Aap ko Bura Laga ?
Toh Aap Kisi
Aur ko Bhej Do.
Hisaab...barabar :)
mediator
28-10-2006, 12:10 AM
"lohay" ki to "istiri" (Iron) bhi hoti hai
Lohay ka to mera haaat bi hai
haat mein khujli bi hoti hai
khujli to jhapad maarke bi theek ki jaa sakti hai
theek to tumhara thopda bi hai
tumhaarey thopde pe to khujli bi mitai ja sakti hai!
:D Just kidding!
hemant_mathur
28-10-2006, 12:16 AM
Heh heh .. nice one
Zeeshan Quireshi
28-10-2006, 12:39 AM
Lohay ka to mera haaat bi hai
haat mein khujli bi hoti hai
khujli to jhapad maarke bi theek ki jaa sakti hai
theek to tumhara thopda bi hai
tumhaarey thopde pe to khujli bi mitai ja sakti hai!
:D Just kidding!
too good yaar
sysfilez
28-10-2006, 10:39 AM
Lohay ka to mera haaat bi hai
haat mein khujli bi hoti hai
khujli to jhapad maarke bi theek ki jaa sakti hai
theek to tumhara thopda bi hai
tumhaarey thopde pe to khujli bi mitai ja sakti hai!
:D Just kidding!
too good mediator, u really made me laugh out loud. gr8 answer buddy.
Zeeshan Quireshi
28-10-2006, 10:58 AM
i really fell from my chair laughing after i read mediator's answer
jack// ani
28-10-2006, 12:15 PM
Lohay ka to mera haaat bi hai
haat mein khujli bi hoti hai
khujli to jhapad maarke bi theek ki jaa sakti hai
theek to tumhara thopda bi hai
tumhaarey thopde pe to khujli bi mitai ja sakti hai!
:D Just kidding!
LOL..........ROFL....nice dude
Kiran.dks
28-10-2006, 12:22 PM
hehehe...nice dude...simply cooool!
blackpearl
28-10-2006, 12:53 PM
Hey, we need a shayeri thread here. What do you say?
max_demon
29-10-2006, 02:45 PM
:) lol u 14 year boy and non veg jokes and.....if i send *o**se li*ks then u .....
I knew u r not my friend Chirag I will find many but u ...:D
chod na janne de
mediator
29-10-2006, 04:22 PM
He's gonna kill me 4 sure ! :oops:
hemant_mathur
29-10-2006, 04:48 PM
That was a good one.
Chirag
29-10-2006, 04:56 PM
@max demon - Hey dude this is a joke and shld I tell ppl what links u send???
max_demon
29-10-2006, 06:07 PM
@max demon - Hey dude this is a joke and shld I tell ppl what links u send???:D he he he but u only send this joke and BTY that link reqs credit card no.
Tech Geek
29-10-2006, 06:53 PM
I don't know how to post thumbnails. can any one tell me?
max_demon
29-10-2006, 07:02 PM
yes, post them in www.imagestack.us and copy forum from there and paste here . C |-| I R /-\ G told me
shaunak
29-10-2006, 07:05 PM
Stuff in my mail:'
Count every " F" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)
HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.
The reasoning
The brain cannot process "OF".
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
more junk
More Brain Stuff . . . From Cambridge University.
O lny srmat poelpe can raed tihs.
cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy,
it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
and more
> >>>> >>The European Commission has just announced an
>
> >>>> >>agreement whereby English will be the official
>
> >>>> >>language of the European Union rather than German,
>
> >>>> >>which was the other possibility.
>
> >>>> >>As part of the negotiations, the British Government
>
> >>>> >>conceded that English spelling had some room for
>
> >>>> >>improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan
>
> >>>> >>that would become known as "Euro-English".
>
> >>>> >>In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
>
> >>>> >>Sertainly, this will make the
>
> >>>>sivil servants jump
>
> >>>> >>with joy.
>
> >>>> >>The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This
>
> >>>> >>should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
>
> >>>> >>one less letter.
>
> >>>> >>There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
>
> >>>> >>sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be
>
> >>>> >>replaced with "f". This will make words like
>
> >>>> >>fotograf 20% shorter.
>
> >>>> >>In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new
>
> >>>> >>spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where
>
> >>>> >>more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
>
> >>>> >>will enkourage the removal of double letters which
>
> >>>> >>have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
>
> >>>> >>Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
>
> >>>> >>the silent"e"
>
> >>> >>in the languag is disgrasful and it should goaway.
>
> >>>> >>By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such
>
> >>>> >>as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
>
> >>>> >>During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
>
> >>>> >>from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer,
>
> >>>> >>ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
>
> >>>> >>Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
>
> >>>> >>vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a
>
> >>>> >>united urop vil finali kum tru.
>
> >>>> >>Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
>
> >>>> >>like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
>
> >>>> >>If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
>
> >>>> >hafun...
>
>
>
>
>
And a one liner i read in RD: Never be afraid to try something new, remember professionals built the titanic, noah built the ark.
Tech Geek
29-10-2006, 07:10 PM
u will like this
Tech Geek
29-10-2006, 07:34 PM
Cant get the thumbnail still
aakash_mishra
29-10-2006, 09:09 PM
@mediator
He is not going to kill you but in future I think he will not post such jokes.
WHYIWASBANNEDFORNOREASON
29-10-2006, 09:46 PM
He's gonna kill me 4 sure ! :oops:
I don't take this type of thing seriously, moreover you have written just kidding after your answer.
@mediator
He is not going to kill you but in future I think he will not post such jokes.
Why I will not post?
int86
29-10-2006, 10:24 PM
Sardar was doing experiment with cockroach, first he cut it's one leg and told WALK. WALK. Cockroach walked. Then he cut it's second leg and told the same. Cockroach walked. Then cut the third leg and did the same. At last he cut it's fourth leg and ordered it walk! But cockroach didn't walk. Suddenly sardar said loudly, "I found it. If we cut cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.
On a political rally sardar was arrested. Why??? A woman journalist walking with a badge wrote "PRESS" and He did it..
subratabera
30-10-2006, 12:00 AM
Stuff in my mail:'
Count every " F" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI
FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)
HOW MANY ?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.
The reasoning
The brain cannot process "OF".
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
more junk
and more
> >>>> >>The European Commission has just announced an
>
> >>>> >>agreement whereby English will be the official
>
> >>>> >>language of the European Union rather than German,
>
> >>>> >>which was the other possibility.
>
> >>>> >>As part of the negotiations, the British Government
>
> >>>> >>conceded that English spelling had some room for
>
> >>>> >>improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan
>
> >>>> >>that would become known as "Euro-English".
>
> >>>> >>In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
>
> >>>> >>Sertainly, this will make the
>
> >>>>sivil servants jump
>
> >>>> >>with joy.
>
> >>>> >>The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This
>
> >>>> >>should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have
>
> >>>> >>one less letter.
>
> >>>> >>There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
>
> >>>> >>sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be
>
> >>>> >>replaced with "f". This will make words like
>
> >>>> >>fotograf 20% shorter.
>
> >>>> >>In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new
>
> >>>> >>spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where
>
> >>>> >>more komplikated changes are possible. Governments
>
> >>>> >>will enkourage the removal of double letters which
>
> >>>> >>have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
>
> >>>> >>Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of
>
> >>>> >>the silent"e"
>
> >>> >>in the languag is disgrasful and it should goaway.
>
> >>>> >>By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such
>
> >>>> >>as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
>
> >>>> >>During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd
>
> >>>> >>from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer,
>
> >>>> >>ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
>
> >>>> >>Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
>
> >>>> >>vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a
>
> >>>> >>united urop vil finali kum tru.
>
> >>>> >>Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German
>
> >>>> >>like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
>
> >>>> >>If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl
>
> >>>> >hafun...
>
>
>
>
>
And a one liner i read in RD: Never be afraid to try something new, remember professionals built the titanic, noah built the ark.
Great stuff...
Rollercoaster
30-10-2006, 12:16 AM
http://pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/girlycops.jpg (www.funnyjunk.com)
http://pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/catgamer.jpg (www.funnyjunk.com)http://pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/ronaldgetsshow.gif (www.funnyjunk.com)
.................................................. ...............................Burger king kills McDee
and if u say u dont like my posts then....
http://pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/whatafunnybaby.gif (www.funnyjunk.com)
If YOU still dont like my posts then this is going to happen to ur car....
http://pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/cheatergotrevenge.jpg
with u in it! :evil:
and i will send this agent to ur computer...
http://pictureserver.funnyjunk.com/pics2/harddrivekitty.jpg
mediator
30-10-2006, 12:22 AM
OK here's mah contribution of some SANTA BANTA jokes!!
Banta car ki battery change karwane gaya ...
Mechanic - Sahab, Exide ki daal doon ?
Banta - Nahin yaar, dono side ki daal de, warna phir problem hogi.
*************
Banta on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question
Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?
Banta - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.
*************
Banta was fond of detective novels, he always read from the middle, why ?
Its double interesting. It builds curiosity not only about its end but also its beginning !
*************
Banta returns book to library, bangs it on table & says - What a **** ?
"I read the whole book, too many character, no story at all" ?.
Librarian : So, you are the one who took the Telephone Directory....
*************
2 Days of Powercut in India made life miserable. Worst affected was Amritsar where all the SARDARS were stuck for 48 hrs. on Escalaters.....
*************
Banta driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks Santa to check whether it is working.
He puts his head out and says - YES..NO..YES..NO..YES..NO
*************
Banta : Oye to har SMS ko do baar kyom bhej raha hai ?
Santa : Kyunki tujhe agar ek forward karna ho to dusra tere paas rahe !!!
Tutor to Santa: wat is u r father's name.
Sanat: BEAUTYFUL RED UNDERWEAR.
Tutor: R u joking?
Santa: NO SIR! MY FATHERS'S NAME IS "SUNDER LAL CHADDHA"
Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile.
Santa: Chal police ko de kar aate hain.
Banta: Agar koi bum raste main hi phat gaya to?
Santa: Jhoot bhol denge, ki 2 hi mile the.
SANTA going with his sister, Some shouts "Oye, ,mashoka le ker kahan
nikle"
SANTA gets furious & slap him & says" Oye. mashoka hogi tero. Meri to
behan hai"!
An American and a Sardar were walking down the street when the
American exclaimed-- look a dead bird.
The Sardar looks towards the sky and says -- where, where ??
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks...
takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks,
Kyon bhai ye sab kyun leke baithe ho?
Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun
Santa Singh returned back from the cinema hall without watching the
cinema.what was the name of the cinema?
Ans:NO ENTRY
Santa : Which is the most painful delivery in world?
Banta : sunny deol ki maa ki.
Santa : woh kaise?
Banta : woh nikla gaddi le ke.....
Santa dials a number, A girl recieves the call
santa: who r u?
girl: sita
santa: maine to chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to
yeh to ayodhya mil gaya.
A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -
Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?
Sardar - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.
SANTA : car me battery lagwane gaya, Mechanic ne poocha "EXIDE" ki
lagaun?
SANTA bole: yaar, bar-bar kaun ayega DONO SIDE KI LAGADE!
Sardarji opens his lunch box in the middle of the
>> road....why ?
>> Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming
>> back from the office
Sardar on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says,"
>> break nahi mar sakta tha
>> kya?
>> Sardar replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar
>> di....." *
Sardarji zebra crossing ke black & white patte par
>> bar bar idhar-udhar
>> chalte the, woh kya soch rahe
>> honge....think.............
>> "SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KYO NAHI" *
Sardar:Aap kitna padhe ho?
>> Friend: B.A.
>> Sardar: kamal karte ho yaar sirf do word padhe aur
>> woh bhi ulte. *
Sardar: Doctor help me, mein jab baat karta huun to
>> muje sirf awaaz sunai
>> deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta.
>> Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai?
>> Sardar: Phone karte waqt. *
Sardar jhad pe bethkar gaa rahe the, achanak ek
>> sardar jhad se ulta latak
>> ke gaane
>> laga, dusre ne pucha ki ulta kyon latka he, Sardar
>> bola oye side B gaa raha
>> hun. *
Sardarni asks her lover,"Santa dear, if we get
>> engaged, will u give me a
>> ring?"
>> "Sure" replies santa. "Whats ur phone no?"*
Rollercoaster
30-10-2006, 12:35 AM
please convert it to CODE insted of QUOTE
wizrulz
30-10-2006, 02:23 PM
WHYIWASBANNEDFORNOREASON
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
the reason now is obvious......just kidding :p
supernova
30-10-2006, 03:00 PM
After watching sales falling off for three straight months at Kentucky Fried Chicken, the Colonel calls up the Pope and asks for a favor.
The Pope says, "What can I do?"
The Colonel says, "I need you to change the daily prayer from,
'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'. If you do it, I'll donate 10 Million Dollars to the Vatican." The Pope replies, "I am sorry. That is the Lord's prayer and I can not change the words." So the Colonel hangs up.
After another month of dismal sales, the Colonel panics, and calls again. "Listen your Excellency. I really need your help. I'll donate $50 million dollars if you change the words of the daily prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken.'"
And the Pope responds, "It is very tempting, Colonel Sanders. The church could do a lot of good with that much money. It would help us to support many charities. But, again, I must decline. It is the Lord's prayer, and I can't change the words."
So the Colonel gives up again. After two more months of terrible sales. The Colonel gets desperate. "This is my final offer, your Excellency. If you change the words of the daily prayer from, 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken' I will donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The Pope replies, "Let me get back to you."
So the next day, the Pope calls together all of his bishops and he says, "I have some good news and I have some bad news. The good news is that KFC is going to donate $100 million to the Vatican."
The bishops rejoice at the news. Then one asks about the bad news. The Pope replies, "The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account."
nitish_mythology
30-10-2006, 04:09 PM
@Mediator
Keep it up!!!!!!!!!!!! Kya chop ki....
ruthless
30-10-2006, 04:23 PM
Well I saw it in HUM TUM movie:)
Behind Every succesful man there is a woman.
Thats because women doesnt go behind an unsuccesful man
Chirag
30-10-2006, 04:52 PM
Top 10 funny reasons you shouldn't upgrade to Internet Explorer 7.
1. Because there are plenty of known bugs in IE6. No need to get new ones in IE7.
2. Because Bill Gates will give you a dollar if you use Firefox and email this top 11 list to 11 friends.
3. Because your pirated version of Windows won't let you install it.
4. Because some 13 year old in IRC said that IE7 was "teh scuk."
5. Because you'll have a hard time finding the new IE icon on the desktop.
6. Because it's no longer cool now that it's out of Beta.
7. Because your son will yell at you if you do an upgrade without his approval.
8. Because M'zoft hasn't made a good browser since Netscape Navigator 4.0.
9. Because the Mac nerds already have enough reasons to beat you up.
10. Because prime numbers are inherently evil.
Funny One-Liners
100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
A day without sunshine is like, night.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All men are idiots, and I married their King.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
Assassins do it from behind.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks
Borrow money from a pessimist, they don't expect it back.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ass?
Criminal Lawyer is a redundancy.
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
Death is hereditary.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
Did anyone see my lost carrier?
Diplomacy is the art of saying good doggie while looking for a bigger stick.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me alone.
Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
Double your drive space. Delete Windows!
Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Energizer Bunny arrested and charged with battery.
Error, no keyboard. Press F1 to continue.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Friends may come and go, but enemies tend to accumulate.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Genius does what it must, talent does what it can, and you had best do what you're told.
Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
How does Teflon stick to the pan?
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
I used to have a handle on life, and then it broke.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If you get to it and you can't do it, well there you jolly well are, aren't you.
If you haven't much education you must use your brain.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again; it was probably worth it.
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an ( removed word ).
Join the Army, meet interesting people, and kill them.
Keep honking. I'm reloading.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Learn from your parents' mistakes: use birth control.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Montana: At least our cows are sane!
More hay, Trigger? No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!
Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.
My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.
My mind is like a steel trap, rusty and illegal in 37 states.
Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
Never mess up an apology with an excuse.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Oh Lord, give me patience, and GIVE IT TO ME NOW!
Okay, who put a stop payment on my reality check?
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
Plan to be spontaneous, tomorrow.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Quickly, I must hurry, for there go my people and I am their leader.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Remember half the people you know are below average.
Save the whales. Collect the whole set
Save your breath. You'll need it to blow up your date!
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Support bacteria, they're the only culture some people have.
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Finland. Now Santa Claus is missing.
The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
The universe is a figment of its own imagination. There's no future in time travel.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
Things are more like they are now than they ever were before.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Wanted: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
We were born naked, wet and hungry. Then things got worse.
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
What is a free gift? Aren't all gifts free?
What's the speed of dark?
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
When there's a will, I want to be in it.
When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
Who stopped payment on my reality check?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.
You can do more with a kind word and a gun than with just a kind word.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!
Your gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.
shaunak
01-11-2006, 01:21 PM
I happend to read one of the thousand forwarded mails i get and i must say i did find some genuinly good jokes imm posting the here:
"Never be afraid to try something new. Remember,
amateurs built the ark.
Professionals built the Titanic."
Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions inthe seventh largest
country in the world, California.
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the
California's third language.
Spotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.
Baby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.
Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.
Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it
crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screw-drivers and
baseball bats must be registered by January 2036.
A Charlotte, NC man having purchased a box of very rare, very expensive
cigars, insured them against fire among other things.
Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of cigars and without
having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the man filed a
claim against the insurance company.
In his claim, the man stated the cigars were lost "in series of small
fires".
The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason; that the
man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.
The man sued......and won! In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed that
the claim was frivolous.
He stated nevertheless that the man held a policy from the company in
which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed
that it would insure against fire, without defining what is considered to
be, "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim.
Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance
company accepted the ruling and paid the man $15,000.00 for the rare
cigars he had lost in the "fires".
Here comes the best part...!!
After the man cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on
24 counts of ARSON!!
With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being
used against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning his
insured property and sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine.
1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't
have e-mail addresses.
6. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in
a business manner.
7. When you make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get
an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three
different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get
long-service awards.
AND THE REAL CLINCHERS ARE...
13. You read this entire list, and kept nodding and smiling.
14. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "friends."
15. You got this email from a friend that never talks to you anymore,
except to send you jokes from the net.
16. You are too busy to notice there was no #9
17. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9
AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself !!
Also:
>you dont know how to play solitaire usinng real cards
number_of_man
01-11-2006, 03:11 PM
Wot me Reply??
hemant_mathur
01-11-2006, 03:11 PM
Nice thought .. i think i'll play with real cards for once ... just lemme mail my room mate about it.
navjotjsingh
03-11-2006, 01:27 PM
Nice reply mediator...BTW WHYIWASBANNEDFORNOREASON are you really 70 years old...your profile shows that? :D
shaunak
04-11-2006, 08:02 PM
Nice thought .. i think i'll play with real cards for once ... just lemme mail my room mate about it.
:D Good one :D
Here's a few more:
1. Regular naps prevent old age… especially if you take them while driving.
2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.
3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
4. They said we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.
6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without… but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.
8. You can't buy love . . but you pay heavily for it.
9. True friends stab you in the front.
10. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.
11. Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
12. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
13. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.
14. Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
15. Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
16. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.
18. Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
19. Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.
20. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
Here's a nasty one i got today:
There was a couple married for quite some time
and they had a boy of 5-6 years old.
Their relationship was turning sour.
So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was
better for them to be divorced than carry on such a relationship.
So they consulted a lawyer.
But the big question was who would have the kid.
In the hearing in the court.
It was decided that this choice should be left on the kid.
So the judge asked "Son, would you like to
stay with your mummy?"
Kid said,"No, mummy beats me" :(
So the judge asked
"Then, would you like to stay with your papa then ?"
Kid said, "No, papa beats me" :(
Now the judge was in a dilemma and was
not able to decide what to do…
after pondering for some time he smiled ……
And he gave the judgment that……
The kid would stay with the Indian Cricket Team because
THEY NEVER BEAT ANY BODY!!
Hoo ha india..... haara india....
And a good one:
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the
world.
So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to china.
On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he
noticed a
golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read "$10,000 per
call".
The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what
the
telephone was used for.
The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 you
could talk to God.
The American thanked the priest and went along his way.
Next stop was in japan. There, at a very large
cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the same sign under
it.
He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in china and
he asked
a nearby nun what its purpose was.
She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
he could
talk to God.
"O.K., thank you," said the American.
He then traveled to pakistan, srilanka, russia, Germany and France.
In every church he saw the same golden telephone
with the same "$10,000 per call" sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to
see if
Indians had the same phone.
He arrived in India, and again, in the first church he entered, there
was the
same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read "One Rupee
per
call."
The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
"Father, I've
traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden telephone in
many
churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, but in the US
the price
was $10,000 per call.
Why is it so cheap here?"
The priest smiled and answered, "You're in India now, son - it's a
local call".
Tech Geek
04-11-2006, 09:12 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
where do u get this from
~Phenom~
04-11-2006, 09:46 PM
great jokes yaar. about those 17 lines , everything was true.
__Virus__
05-11-2006, 12:28 AM
35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.. hahahahahahahahahahaa
dIgItaL_BrAt
05-11-2006, 02:36 AM
Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it
crashes BEFORE installation is completed.
ha LOL
max_demon
11-11-2006, 03:58 PM
http://members.rediff.com/chiruroy/jokes.htm
piyush gupta
11-11-2006, 04:13 PM
so long long jokes
isnt it a joke
subratabera
13-11-2006, 08:03 AM
Statutory Warning: Can be injurious to non-programmers :-)
A compilation of *Hello World programs* designed by
various categories of *developer* follows.
High School/Jr.High
===================
10 PRINT "HELLO WORLD"
20 END
First year in College
=====================
program Hello(input, output)
begin
writeln('Hello World')
end.
Senior year in College
======================
(defun hello
(print
(cons 'Hello (list 'World))))
New professional
================
#include <stdio.h>
void main(void)
{
char *message[] = {"Hello ", "World"};
int i;
mail -s "Hello, world." bob@b12
Bob, could you please write me a program that prints "Hello, world."?
I need it by tomorrow.
^D
Senior Manager
===================
% zmail jim
I need a "Hello, world." program by this afternoon.
Chief Executive
===================
% letter
letter: Command not found.
% mail
To: ^X ^F ^C
% help mail
help: Command not found.
% damn!
!: Event unrecognized
% logout
-----------------
max_demon
13-11-2006, 03:16 PM
Statutory Warning: Can be injurious to non-programmers :-)This is Whole COPY PASTE
sariq
13-11-2006, 03:37 PM
This is Whole COPY PASTE
LOL
what you think rest are self made :-D
subratabera
13-11-2006, 04:08 PM
LOL
what you think rest are self made :-D
LOL :-D
max_demon
13-11-2006, 05:48 PM
LOL :-DLolz
not at all.
GNUrag
13-11-2006, 05:50 PM
<Splinton> So I'm on my honeymoon with my wife right...and after we're done fuc|<ing, I get up to go to the bathroom, and without thinking I left a $50 on the bed.
<Aron> Oh sh!t..
<Splinton> Yeah...
<Aron> She'll get over it right though? She can't possibly expect you've never been with a woman up til now?
<Splinton> Yeah that's not what I'm worried about...she gave me $20 change!
http://bash.org/?681428
max_demon
13-11-2006, 05:54 PM
<Splinton> So I'm on my honeymoon with my wife right...and after we're done ****ing, I get up to go to the bathroom, and without thinking I left a $50 on the bed.
<Aron> Oh ****..
<Splinton> Yeah...
<Aron> She'll get over it right though? She can't possibly expect you've never been with a woman up til now?
<Splinton> Yeah that's not what I'm worried about...she gave me $20 change!
http://bash.org/?681428 Is this in forumn rules we can Post these things really!!!
__________
Brain transplant
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
GNUrag
13-11-2006, 05:54 PM
Is this in forumn rules we can Post these things really!!!
There's a thin line which divides obscenity and light-joke.
other mods may lock this up if they find it objectionable.
max_demon
13-11-2006, 05:57 PM
Brain transplant
If I ever need a brain transplant, I'd choose yours because I'd want a brain that had never been used.
Meaning of words
He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words.
Don't let you mind wander
Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own.
The brain
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
I am not interested
Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not. I hate everybody, and you're next.
Nobody's fool
I know you are nobody's fool but maybe someone will adopt you.
My opinion
I don't think you are a fool. But then what's MY opinion against thousands of others?
Never used it...
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
Everything you are not...
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot; This describes everything you are not.
Have I seen you someplace?
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Silver spoon
He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and every time he goes to a restaurant, he tries to complete the set.
The sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But, the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl’s empty and so is your head.
You are so sexy
Hey friend, remember that without stupidity there can be no wisdom and without ugliness there can be no beauty...so the world needs you after all!
Simple things in life
Raj: My sister’s boyfriend loves the simple things in life -that’s why he chose her! You are so beautiful, sweet and faithful... It’s a pity I do not like animals!
"http://xtraedition.indiatimes.com/articlelist/1599564.cms"
__________
ha ha ha
shaunak
13-11-2006, 08:06 PM
Some jokes:
What do constipated mathematicians do? Work it out with a pencil.
What do really constipated mathematicians do? Work it out with logs.:o
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an Indian, using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant.
That, my friends, is Globalization!!
Itemized billing!
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is!".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly, again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
_____________________________
Some tech jokes:
Computer lingo meaning for a farmer!
LOG ON: Making the wood stove hotter
LOG OFF: Don`t add wood
MONITOR : Keep an eye on the wood stove
MEGAHERTZ: When a big log drops on your barefoot in the morning
FLOPPY DISK : What you get from piling too much wood
RAM: The hydraulic thing that makes the woodsplitter work
DRIVE: Getting home during most of the winter
PROMPT: What you wish the mail was during the snow season
ENTER: Come on in
WINDOWS: What you shut when it gets 10 below normal
SCREEN: What is a must during black fly season
CHIP: What you munch during Vikings games
MICROCHIP: What`s left in the bag when the chips are gone
MODEM: What you did to the hay fields last July
DOT MATRIX: Eino Matrix`s wife
LAPTOP: Where the grandkids sit
KEYBOARD: Where you suppose to put the keys so that Misses can find them
SOFTWARE: The plastic picnic utensils, ya?
MOUSE: What leaves them little turds in the cupboard
MAINFRAME: The part of the sauna that holds up the roof
PORT: Where do commericial fishing boats dock
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When you can`t remember how much you spent on the new deer rifle when the wife asks about it.
Laloo Prasad & Bill Gates
The following is the conversation between Lallo Prasad Yadav and Bill Gates.
Gates : Hi! you must have heard of Windows.
Lallo : Oh yes! In most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : At home have u installed Windows?
Lallo : I have removed all windows due to increased burglaries in our house.
Gates (Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Lallo : OPERATION ? Yes I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates (Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Lallo : Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.
Gates : By the year 2000 India should export computer chips.
Lallo : We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Lallo : My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates (Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Lallo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Lallo : I have exhuasted all my leave.
Gates : I have no energy left let us go out and have a bite.
Lallo : BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates : (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."
Tech Support!!
Why we should feel sorry for tech support people:
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let`s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter `P` to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don`t have a `P`."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "`P` on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I`m not going to do that!"
Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
Customer: "So that`ll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that`s the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
_____________________________________________
And some Pj's from my mail
Pilot`s eyesight!
An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand.
One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he`d been suckered all these years. Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?"
"Well," said the pilot, "it`s really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years."
"I can understand that," replied the doctor. "But what about the take- off?"
"Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!"
"But once you`re aloft?"
"Oh, everything`s fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty much flies itself."
"But I still don`t see how you land!"
"Oh, that`s the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport`s radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, `AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!`, then I will pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!"
Club donation!
The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?"
The new member replied, "Yes, my mother-in-law."
Smart Chauffeur
A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a lecture on his new breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt sorry for him.
"Sir, why don't you take the day off today", he said, "I've heard your lecture so many times by now I know it by heart. I can give the lecture and you can just sit back and relax."
The scientist thought this was a great idea, since he was sick and tired of giving the exact same lecture over and over again.
When they arrived at the seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and seated himself in the back of the lecture hall. His trusted chauffeur walked to the podium and gave an excellent lecture showing at least as much confidence as the scientist would.
At the end of the lecture the chauffeur asked, just as his master always does, "Are there any questions?"
One of the professors in the hall stood up and asked a long question about a very complicated and highly theoretical matter. The chauffeur was panicking silently but finally managed to pull himself together.
"That, professor, is a very simple question," he answered, "in fact, it is so simple even my chauffeur can answer it."
A Letter to God
The post office received a letter addressed "To God." Not knowing where to deliver it, they forwarded it to one of the nearby churches.
The pastor read it at the next charity committee meeting:
Dear God,
I hate to bother you, but my family is having it tough right now. The rent is two month's due, my wife is expecting, and my car is broke down. Plus I just lost my job as a night watchman due to sleeping on the job. Please send us 1,000 bucks and I won't bother you again.
The pastor read the name and one of the members recognized it. "He lives right down the street from the church," she said. "This might be a good way to witness to him and show him we care."
The others agreed but the church fund was only to help members. Finally, after much discussion, they decided to pool their resources and give from their own pockets. They came up with 500 bucks, then wrote out a check from the church and sent it to him.
Months passed with no word of thanks or even acknowledgment. Some time later they received another letter forwarded to them addressed to God. It was from the same fellow.
Dear God,
I hate to bother you again, but I lost my new job at the shoe store, my car was wrecked, and my wife is in the hospital again. Please send me 1,000 bucks to get these creditors off our backs.
Thanks again.
P.S. Please send it to me directly this time. Last time you sent it through the church next door and those dirty crooks kept half of it.
Conveyance in heaven
Three guys die and go to heaven.
The first guy goes up to St. Peter, who says, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"
The guy thinks a moment then says, "No. No. I was always faithful to her through 55 years of marriage."
St. Peter scratches something down in a big book, then he says to the guy, "OK, mister, you can have that Rolls Royce over there to drive around here."
Now second guy goes up to St. Peter. He asks him, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"
This second guy takes a moment. He hems and haws a few minutes, then he says, "Well, I did flirt a little, and there was that one night with Julia. But other than that I tried to remain faithful to my wife through 40 years of marriage. I guess I just wasn`t perfect, huh?"
St. Peter scratches something in his book and says, "Don`t worry about it. You can have that motorbike over there to get around."
Third guy too gets the same question.
The guy blushes a bit.
"C`mon," he says. "You know I wasn`t the best of husbands. I cheated on my wife three times, and then I was a terrible flirt."
"I know, I know," says St. Peter without looking up from his Big Book. He scratches something down in that book then says, "Don`t worry about it. We`ll let you have that bicycle over there."
A few weeks later, guys no. 2 and no. 3 were driving along when they see Rolls Royce parked outside of a bar. They stop and go inside and find guy no.1 with empty bottles all around him, his face down in his hands on the table.
Guy no. 2 asks him, "What could possibly be wrong, you got to heaven, you`re driving a Rolls Royce, and everything`s great."
"I saw my wife today", he replied.
Guy no. 3 says, "That`s great! So, what`s the problem?"
He answers, "She was on roller skates!"
Six Nights
A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.
The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.
"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. There were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"
The woman agreed.
"Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."
The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?"
"Well," said his honor, "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench."
The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas."
Perfect Woman!
Sunny is almost 35 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Sunny just dates and dates.
Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Sunny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?"
Sunny weeks go by and again Sunny and his friend get together.
So Sunny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?
Sunny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends."
"Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"
"I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!"
Dog Bite
A man is out walking his dog one day when it slips the leash and runs away.
As the man is chasing him down the street, the dog runs into a yard and bites the lady that lives there.
The woman rushes into the house and sends her husband out to deal with the man and his dog.
The dog owner is beside himself with worry as the husband approaches, and says, "Sir, how about a settlement. Would one thousand rupees do?"
The husband pauses for a moment and replies, "Sure, and if you come around next week, it's worth another one thousand."
Killed the pig !
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?", asked Bill.
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me," said the driver.
"My God, what did you tell them?", asks Clinton.
The driver replies, "I`m Bill Clinton`s driver, and I just killed the pig."
Bill Clinton died?
When he reached the pearly gates and knocked, St. Peter asked "Who is it?"
Clinton said, "It`s me, Bill Clinton."
Peter asked, "Have you done anything wrong that I should know about?"
Clinton said, "I smoked pot once, but you can`t hold it against me because I did not inhale. I was unfaithful to my wife, but you cannot hold it against me because I didn`t have sex. I lied, but you can`t hold it against me because I didn`t commit perjury."
Peter said "Well we are going to send you to a place, but we`re not going to call it Hell. You are going to stay there for a while, but we are not going to call it eternity."
Super Computer
The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.
"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".
At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.
"Where is my father?" he asked.
There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.
On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.
Clever Guest laughed.
"Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!
It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?
Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"
Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."
n2casey
14-11-2006, 12:27 AM
What's happening there? Many members are below 18 yrs even some r student of class 9-10. If members want to talk on adult contents/jokes then it shud b stopped/locked by modes, otherwise there shud b jokes without adult talks. It seems that modes r sleeping. It's very painful that I have joined the forum where rules can b broken easily.
max_demon
14-11-2006, 02:47 PM
:confused: Some jokes:
What do constipated mathematicians do? Work it out with a pencil.
What do really constipated mathematicians do? Work it out with logs.:o
Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an Indian, using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant.
That, my friends, is Globalization!!
Itemized billing!
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.
Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is!".
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly, again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999.
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
_____________________________
Some tech jokes:
Computer lingo meaning for a farmer!
LOG ON: Making the wood stove hotter
LOG OFF: Don`t add wood
MONITOR : Keep an eye on the wood stove
MEGAHERTZ: When a big log drops on your barefoot in the morning
FLOPPY DISK : What you get from piling too much wood
RAM: The hydraulic thing that makes the woodsplitter work
DRIVE: Getting home during most of the winter
PROMPT: What you wish the mail was during the snow season
ENTER: Come on in
WINDOWS: What you shut when it gets 10 below normal
SCREEN: What is a must during black fly season
CHIP: What you munch during Vikings games
MICROCHIP: What`s left in the bag when the chips are gone
MODEM: What you did to the hay fields last July
DOT MATRIX: Eino Matrix`s wife
LAPTOP: Where the grandkids sit
KEYBOARD: Where you suppose to put the keys so that Misses can find them
SOFTWARE: The plastic picnic utensils, ya?
MOUSE: What leaves them little turds in the cupboard
MAINFRAME: The part of the sauna that holds up the roof
PORT: Where do commericial fishing boats dock
RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When you can`t remember how much you spent on the new deer rifle when the wife asks about it.
Laloo Prasad & Bill Gates
The following is the conversation between Lallo Prasad Yadav and Bill Gates.
Gates : Hi! you must have heard of Windows.
Lallo : Oh yes! In most govt. offices we have the single window clearance concept.
Gates : At home have u installed Windows?
Lallo : I have removed all windows due to increased burglaries in our house.
Gates (Confused): Then what is the system you operate on?
Lallo : OPERATION ? Yes I had a Hernia operation last month.
Gates (Sweating) : Hope the internet is being used a lot in India.
Lallo : Oh Yes! Due to increased mosquito problems many people are sleeping under the net.
Gates : By the year 2000 India should export computer chips.
Lallo : We are already exporting Uncle Chips.
Gates (Feeling very Uneasy): do you regularly use LapTops?
Lallo : My grand-child sleeps on the top of my lap.
Gates (Heavily Sweating): The Chief Minister of Andhra Pradesh knows a lot about RAM and ROM.
Lallo : RUM? Prohibition is being lifted and it will be shortly available in A.P..
Gates(Feeling Dizzy): I would like to take your leave before my system crashes.
Lallo : I have exhuasted all my leave.
Gates : I have no energy left let us go out and have a bite.
Lallo : BITE? I believe in non-violence. I will not bite.
Gates : (System Crashes and Found Missing). "Windows is restarting.Please wait............."
Tech Support!!
Why we should feel sorry for tech support people:
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows."
The woman then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his is working fine."
Tech Support: "OK Bob, let`s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter `P` to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: "I don`t have a `P`."
Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "What do you mean?"
Tech Support: "`P` on your keyboard, Bob."
Customer: "I`m not going to do that!"
Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"
I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start something like this:
Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"
Customer: "So that`ll get me connected to the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Yeah."
Customer: "And that`s the latest version of the Internet, right?"
Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."
_____________________________________________
And some Pj's from my mail
Pilot`s eyesight!
An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand.
One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he`d been suckered all these years. Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?"
"Well," said the pilot, "it`s really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years."
"I can understand that," replied the doctor. "But what about the take- off?"
"Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!"
"But once you`re aloft?"
"Oh, everything`s fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty much flies itself."
"But I still don`t see how you land!"
"Oh, that`s the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport`s radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, `AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!`, then I will pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!"
Club donation!
The president of the service club asked his new member, "Would you like to donate something to the home for the aged?"
The new member replied, "Yes, my mother-in-law."
Smart Chauffeur
A successful scientist was on his way to a seminar where he was supposed to give a lecture on his new breakthrough in research. His chauffeur saw his tired look and felt sorry for him.
"Sir, why don't you take the day off today", he said, "I've heard your lecture so many times by now I know it by heart. I can give the lecture and you can just sit back and relax."
The scientist thought this was a great idea, since he was sick and tired of giving the exact same lecture over and over again.
When they arrived at the seminar the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and seated himself in the back of the lecture hall. His trusted chauffeur walked to the podium and gave an excellent lecture showing at least as much confidence as the scientist would.
At the end of the lecture the chauffeur asked, just as his master always does, "Are there any questions?"
One of the professors in the hall stood up and asked a long question about a very complicated and highly theoretical matter. The chauffeur was panicking silently but finally managed to pull himself together.
"That, professor, is a very simple question," he answered, "in fact, it is so simple even my chauffeur can answer it."
A Letter to God
The post office received a letter addressed "To God." Not knowing where to deliver it, they forwarded it to one of the nearby churches.
The pastor read it at the next charity committee meeting:
Dear God,
I hate to bother you, but my family is having it tough right now. The rent is two month's due, my wife is expecting, and my car is broke down. Plus I just lost my job as a night watchman due to sleeping on the job. Please send us 1,000 bucks and I won't bother you again.
The pastor read the name and one of the members recognized it. "He lives right down the street from the church," she said. "This might be a good way to witness to him and show him we care."
The others agreed but the church fund was only to help members. Finally, after much discussion, they decided to pool their resources and give from their own pockets. They came up with 500 bucks, then wrote out a check from the church and sent it to him.
Months passed with no word of thanks or even acknowledgment. Some time later they received another letter forwarded to them addressed to God. It was from the same fellow.
Dear God,
I hate to bother you again, but I lost my new job at the shoe store, my car was wrecked, and my wife is in the hospital again. Please send me 1,000 bucks to get these creditors off our backs.
Thanks again.
P.S. Please send it to me directly this time. Last time you sent it through the church next door and those dirty crooks kept half of it.
Conveyance in heaven
Three guys die and go to heaven.
The first guy goes up to St. Peter, who says, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"
The guy thinks a moment then says, "No. No. I was always faithful to her through 55 years of marriage."
St. Peter scratches something down in a big book, then he says to the guy, "OK, mister, you can have that Rolls Royce over there to drive around here."
Now second guy goes up to St. Peter. He asks him, "In all the years you were married, were you ever unfaithful to your wife?"
This second guy takes a moment. He hems and haws a few minutes, then he says, "Well, I did flirt a little, and there was that one night with Julia. But other than that I tried to remain faithful to my wife through 40 years of marriage. I guess I just wasn`t perfect, huh?"
St. Peter scratches something in his book and says, "Don`t worry about it. You can have that motorbike over there to get around."
Third guy too gets the same question.
The guy blushes a bit.
"C`mon," he says. "You know I wasn`t the best of husbands. I cheated on my wife three times, and then I was a terrible flirt."
"I know, I know," says St. Peter without looking up from his Big Book. He scratches something down in that book then says, "Don`t worry about it. We`ll let you have that bicycle over there."
A few weeks later, guys no. 2 and no. 3 were driving along when they see Rolls Royce parked outside of a bar. They stop and go inside and find guy no.1 with empty bottles all around him, his face down in his hands on the table.
Guy no. 2 asks him, "What could possibly be wrong, you got to heaven, you`re driving a Rolls Royce, and everything`s great."
"I saw my wife today", he replied.
Guy no. 3 says, "That`s great! So, what`s the problem?"
He answers, "She was on roller skates!"
Six Nights
A kleptomaniac woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in court, taking along her long-suffering husband for marital support.
The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.
"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. There were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"
The woman agreed.
"Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."
The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, "Your honor, may I approach the bench?"
"Well," said his honor, "this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench."
The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas."
Perfect Woman!
Sunny is almost 35 years old, his friends have already gotten married, and Sunny just dates and dates.
Finally a friend asks him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you that particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?"
"No," Sunny replies. "I meet many nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my Mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!"
"Listen," his friend suggests, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?"
Sunny weeks go by and again Sunny and his friend get together.
So Sunny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?
Sunny shrugs his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became fast friends."
"Are you and this girl engaged, yet?"
"I'm afraid not, my Father can't stand her!"
Dog Bite
A man is out walking his dog one day when it slips the leash and runs away.
As the man is chasing him down the street, the dog runs into a yard and bites the lady that lives there.
The woman rushes into the house and sends her husband out to deal with the man and his dog.
The dog owner is beside himself with worry as the husband approaches, and says, "Sir, how about a settlement. Would one thousand rupees do?"
The husband pauses for a moment and replies, "Sure, and if you come around next week, it's worth another one thousand."
Killed the pig !
Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Bill told his driver to go up to the farm house and explain to the owners what had happened. About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?", asked Bill.
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the Cigar and his 19 year old daughter made mad passionate love to me," said the driver.
"My God, what did you tell them?", asks Clinton.
The driver replies, "I`m Bill Clinton`s driver, and I just killed the pig."
Bill Clinton died?
When he reached the pearly gates and knocked, St. Peter asked "Who is it?"
Clinton said, "It`s me, Bill Clinton."
Peter asked, "Have you done anything wrong that I should know about?"
Clinton said, "I smoked pot once, but you can`t hold it against me because I did not inhale. I was unfaithful to my wife, but you cannot hold it against me because I didn`t have sex. I lied, but you can`t hold it against me because I didn`t commit perjury."
Peter said "Well we are going to send you to a place, but we`re not going to call it Hell. You are going to stay there for a while, but we are not going to call it eternity."
Super Computer
The Super Computer stood at the end of the Computer Company's production line. At which point the guided tour eventually arrived. The salesman stepped forward to give his prepared demo.
"This", he said, "is the Super Computer. It will give an intelligent answer to any question you may care to ask it".
At which a Clever Guest stepped forward - there is always one - and spoke into the Computer's microphone.
"Where is my father?" he asked.
There was a whirring of wheels and flashing of lights that the manufacturers always use to impress lay people, and then a little card popped out.
On it were printed the words: Fishing off Goa.
Clever Guest laughed.
"Actually", he said, "My father is dead"!
It had been a tricky question! The salesman, carefully chosen for his ability to think fast on his feet, immediately replied that he was sorry the answer was unsatisfactory, but as computers were precise, perhaps he might care to rephrase his question and try again?
Clever Guest thought, went to the Computer and this time said, "Where is my mother's husband?"
Again there was a whirring of wheels and a flashing of lights. And again a little card popped out. Printed on it were the words, "Dead. But your father is still fishing off Goa."nice joke but sooooooooooooo long
__________
<Splinton> So I'm on my honeymoon with my wife right...and after we're done fuc|<ing, I get up to go to the bathroom, and without thinking I left a $50 on the bed.
<Aron> Oh sh!t..
<Splinton> Yeah...
<Aron> She'll get over it right though? She can't possibly expect you've never been with a woman up til now?
<Splinton> Yeah that's not what I'm worried about...she gave me $20 change!
http://bash.org/?681428
What's happening there? Many members are below 18 yrs even some r student of class 9-10. If members want to talk on adult contents/jokes then it shud b stopped/locked by modes, otherwise there shud b jokes without adult talks. It seems that modes r sleeping. It's very painful that I have joined the forum where rules can b broken easily.
But If Mods are only ......:D
then what we can except about the other members
:D
and afterall this thread was created by a 14 year student.......:)
max_demon
16-11-2006, 04:00 PM
TO BE A MILLIONAIRE
A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as
a test. "You are employed."
He said." Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the
application to fill in, as well as date when you may start."
The man replied "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
I'm sorry", said the HR manager, "If you don't have an email, that
means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."
The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only
$10 in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a
10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two
hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the Operation
three times, and returned home with $60. The man realized that he can
survive by this
Way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late Thus, his
money doubled or tripled every day. Shortly, he bought a cart, then a
truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.
5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US
. He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life
insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the
conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email. The man
replied, "I don't have an email". The broker answered curiously, "You
don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can
you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at
Microsoft!"
Moral of the story:
M1 - Internet is not the solution to your life.
M2 - If you don't have internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
M3 - If you received this message by email, you are closer to being an
office boy,
than a millionaire..........
Have a great day!!!
Pls Note: - Do not forward this email to me back, I'm closing all my
email addresses & going to sell tomatoes!!!
Smiling after reading is not mandatory!!!!
go4saket
23-11-2006, 08:36 PM
Hi Friends!
I am adding in some cool SMS from my collection. Hope you like the and add in from you own collection...
NAUGHTY COLLECTION...
***He came at night,explored my body,got on top of me,touched me,he bit,sucked, swalowd,when he was satisfyed,he left,i was hurt,BLOODY...MOSQUITO !!!!
***CONGRATS.Your phone has been installed with a new puzzle game. To play,throw your phone against the wall.Then assemble the pieces....
***Always start your day with a lot of... S E X S - SMILE E - ENERGY X - XCITEMENT so make S E X a daily habit, and you"ll always B SUCSEXFUL! in LIFE. "
***Come here,take off urs pants and knickers, get on top of me, enjoy until u get satisfied, loving urs.....toilet!
***Lastnite i went 2 bed without u..cold,naked,thinking of u, missing ur warmth, ur soft touch against my skin. Where were u lastnite,my lovely pyjamas...
***A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home...
***I really deeply wish tat u r here with me in my room.on my bed&lights is off & we get under the cover together.. 2 show u my watch glow in the dark.
***oT TnAW T2UL I +THpinboop YA2 !..2mA3rb T33w2 ! .. niH)A2 2'rU
Confused na? Read it in a mirror..
***What is the height of Flirting? When your love letter starts with "To whomsoever it may concern..."
FUNNY COLLECTION...
***When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God that everyone should have a friend like you.... Why should only i suffer!!!
***One day Santa's Girlfriend asks him, Darling, on our Engagement will you give me a RING?Santa:Ya sure, Give me ur Telephone No.
***"When I was born Devil said...Oh ****!!! Another GOD!!!..& When u were born devil said ...Oh ****!!!!Competition...!!! ....
***Do U know the fullform of COLLEGE- C-Come,O-On,L-Lets, L-Love, E-Each,G-Girl,E-Equally......Thats why boys go to college regularly....
***Who said english is easy???Fill in the blank with YES or No... 1.-----I don"t have brain... 2.-----I dont have sence... 3.-----I am stupid....
***If ur world is spining Round & Round..& Round....Ur heart is beating fast ,do u think its LOVE? na Munna na its called high B/P...
***Birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye, I don't worry I don't cry, I'm just happy that cows can't fly!
***Its been a rough day.I got up this morning,put on a shirt N a button fell off.I picked up my briefcase N the handle came off.I'm afraid 2 go 2 the bathroom...
***i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again
***God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested...
***terrorists have kidnapped our lecturers... and demanded aransom of 500000 rs or else they will burn them with kerosene... plz donate. i have donated 15 litres.
***Dear user,your wife can become mother without your struggle!Just SMS 'CHILD' or call customer care at 9890****** & be a tension-free DAD!
***A couple wanted katna(Circumcision)of their son,but they dont know proper word to print,so they printed the wording :THE CUTTING CEREMONY OF FU*KI*G INSTRUMENTS...
***Why do couples hold hands during their wedding day?.?.?.?.... It is just a formality, like two boxers shaking hands b4 the fight begins !
***Husband asks, Do you know the meaning of WIFE.It means...Without Information Fighting Everytime! WIFE satys No, it means - With Idiot for Ever.
***MAMU :Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?
***Marriage:It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.
***Love affairs:Something like cricket,where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.
***Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write for mother tongue.? Santa: Very long!
Chao...
Tech Geek
23-11-2006, 08:39 PM
hehehehe
:lol:
:lol:
:lol:
heard some of them already
k_blues24
23-11-2006, 08:41 PM
:twisted:
outlaw
23-11-2006, 11:17 PM
lol
"***What is the height of Flirting? When your love letter starts with "To whomsoever it may concern..." "
good one
clmlbx
23-11-2006, 11:40 PM
Gooddddd
:d :d :d :d :d :d
optumsprime
23-11-2006, 11:43 PM
more:D
digit_technology2001
29-12-2006, 02:40 PM
Hey Guys!!!
Can anyone tell me any website where i can find latest funniest sms jokes, funny shayari. bilkul nayi...... plz help me to find. and rply me.. waiting of ur rply.
shakshy
29-12-2006, 02:49 PM
try atrochatro
nithinks
29-12-2006, 04:32 PM
www.santabanta.com
www.aasma.com
you can get ASCII SMSs also.. in aasma.
go4saket
08-01-2007, 08:46 PM
Last nite i wantd u. needed u so badly dat it hurt. wantd 2 taste u. i wantd u in me so u could work ur magic on me...but i couldnt find u. u stupid..PARACETAMOL!
__________
What is hairy on the outside
and moist inside, begins with
a 'C' ends with a 'T' and
has U' and 'N' in the middle?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A:) 'COCUNUT
__________
In which place men & women
both have CURLY HAIR..?
Oh god!!!
ur thinking is so vulgur....
its in AFRICA....
::cyborg::
08-01-2007, 09:24 PM
hi hi :-)
~Phenom~
08-01-2007, 09:31 PM
ROFL, too good.
kuni5_hem
08-01-2007, 09:35 PM
all r gud...gud work dude..
panacea_amc
08-01-2007, 09:52 PM
gud gud very gud!!!!!
Mr. Moderator....please make this thread Sticky!!!
my personal favourite :
*******"Gabbar singh jab paida huwa tha, tab uski Maa ne use ek Thappar mara tha....kyun???......kyunki usne apni Maa se pucha tha "Kitne aadmi the re?"""
Pathik
08-01-2007, 11:24 PM
lol .. Good ones.. But i think this shd b moved to the chitchat zone
Pathik
08-01-2007, 11:25 PM
lol .. Good ones.. But i think this shd b moved to the chitchat zone
Tech.Masti
09-01-2007, 12:45 AM
he he :) :) cooooooool !!!!!
speedyguy
09-01-2007, 12:31 PM
nice ones.....
Why was heisenberg unsuccesful in bed?
Becoz he didnt knew position when he had momentum and when he knew position he didnt had momentum.
Enjoy~!
phreak0ut
11-01-2007, 08:31 AM
Its getting a bit 'dirty' here :D I've heard all of it.
aryayush
11-01-2007, 12:49 PM
A bit! A BIT!!! :o
They've done everything apart from posting pictures and videos. I am truly surprised this thread is still running. I have been ignoring it for a long time thinking the mods will take care of it but they seem to be oblivious to this thread. It should be locked and deleted. :mad:
47shailesh
11-01-2007, 03:01 PM
1.Gham me hasne walo ko kabhi rulaya nahi jata,
lehro se pani ko hataya nahi jata,
hone wale ho jate hain khudhi dil se apne,
kisi ko kehkar apna banaya nahi jata
2.Socha tha na karenge kisi se dosti,
na karenge kisi se vaada,
par kya kare dost mila itna pyara ki karna pada dosti
ka vaada
3.Samja do apni yado ko,
wo bin bulaye pas aaya karti hai,
aap to dur rehkar satate ho magar,
wo pas aakar rulaya karti hai
4.Waqt guzarta raha par sanse thami si thi,
muskura rahe the hum,
par ankho me nami si thi,
saath hamare ye jahan tha sara,
par na jaane kyu tumhari kami si thi
5.Kyu dil ke mere tukde kar diye,
kyu mere aansu ko apni muskan se baha diye,
gunah kya tha mera bus chahna tumhe,
kyu meri zindagi me tune dard bhardiye
6.Phool se pehle khusboo ko to dekho,
karne se pehle kaam ko to dekho,
kisike roop mein diwana naa bano,
surat se pehle uske dil ko to dekho
7.Movie titles related to engg students:
exams - socha na tha,
classes - kabhi kabhi,
question papers - na tum jano na hum,
copying - yaarana,
maths2 - asambhav,
maths1 - mission impossible,
environmental sciences - pyar mein kabhi kabhi,
1st semester - kuch to hai,
2nd semester - yeh kya ho raha hai,
distinction - kal ho na ho,
1st class - raju bangaya gentleman,
2nd class - dil mange more
fail - phir milenge
7.Hum wo ishq hain jo dil bankar dhadakte hai,
hum wo khushbo hain jo baho mein mahakte hain,
humse pyar na karna e-zalim hum vo dard hain jo ankho
se chalakte hain
8.School- a place where papa pays & son plays
life insurance- a contract tht keeps you poor all ur
life so tht you can die rich
nurse- a person wakes up to give you sleeping pills
marriage- a contract in which a boy loses his
bachelors degree & girl gets her masters degree
9.Apne pyar ko chupana chaha par chupa na sake,
diwane dil pe kabu hum pa na sake,
aaj itne karib se gujar gaye wo,
phir bhi unka hath hum tham na sake
10.Ikrar may shabdo ki ahmiyat nai hoti,
dil ke jazbat ki awaz nai hoti,
ankhen bayan kar deti hai dil ki dastan,
mohabbat lafzo ki mohtaz nai hoti
11.Gam ki aahat na aaye tere dar par,
pyar ke samander ka tum bhi ek kinara ho,
bhool se jo tapke teri aankhon say moti,
thame wohi jo tumhe sabse pyara ho
12.Mohabbat me sath to harpal hota he,
koi dikhne se hota he to koi dilse hota hai,
maza to sath tab aye yaro,
jab judai ka lamha mahsus hota hai
13.Be slow in choosing a friend & slower while loosing
them bcoz friendship is not an opportunity its a
sweet rsponsibility
14.If love is sweet why does it hurt,
if love is deep why does it burn,
if love is warm why do we shiver,
if love is tender why do we cry,
if love is forever why do we die
15.God picked up a flower & dipped in honey he touched
it with love n turned into u,
he then gifted it to me & said this friend is for u
16.Na chaho kisi ko itna ki chahat aapki majburi ban
jaye,
chaho kisi ko itna aapka pyaar uske liye jaruri ban
jaye
17.Gham ne hasne na diya,
zamane ne rone na diya,
is uljhano ne jine na diya,
thak ke jab sitaron se panah li,
neend aayi tho aapki yaad ne sone na diya
18.Har ek se achi baat karna FITRAT hai hamari,
har ek khush rahe ye HASRAT hai hamari,
koi hum ko yaad kare ya na kare,
har ek ko yaad karna aadat hai hamari
19.Yaadon mein hum rahein ye ehsaas rakhna,
nazron se door sahi dil ke paas rakhna,
ye nahi kehte ke sath raho dur sahi par yaad rakhna
20.Fasle mita kar aapas me pyar rakhna,
dosti ka ye rishta hamesha yunhi barkarar rakhna,
bichad jaye kabhi aap se hum,
aankhon me hamesha hamara intejar rakhna
21.Hamne zindagi ki shurarat S se ki,
s se suraj, s se subah, s se swagat, s se saaz, s se
sangeet par phir s se samay ne aisi karwat badli ke
s se hamari shaadi ho gai, aur fir jeewan ka arth
saas, sasur, saala, saali, sasural or sankat ho gaya
to hamne s se sharab pi ne lage, so beaware of s
22.Zindagi mein hamesha SMART log milenge,
kahi zyada to kahi kum milenge,
choice zara sochke karna,
zaroori nahi har jagah tumhe hum jaise milenge
23.Sms karenge hum ek duje ko bari bari,
hame lagti hai ye rasam badi pyari,
ye sms milte hi ek sms bhej dena,
kyunki hame bilkul pasand nahi udhari
24.Kisi na kisi pe kisi ko aetbar ho jata hai,
ajnabi koi shaks yaar ho jata hai,
khubiyo se nahi hoti mohabbat bhi sadaa,
khamiyo se bhi aksar pyaar ho jata hai
25.Khuda se thoda rahem kharid lete,
aap ke zakhmo ka marhar kharid lete,
agar kahin kabhi bikti khushiyan meri,
to saari bechkar aapka har gam kharid lete
26.Sabse loving kaun: TUM,
sabse sweet kaun: TUM,
sabse cute kaun: TUM,
in sab me TUM se zyada kaun: HUM
lekin duniya me sabse acche dost kaun: HUM TUM
27.Nighahe nighago se milakar to dekho,
naye logo se rishta banakar to dekho,
hasrate dil me dabane se kya faida,
apne hoton ko hilakar to dekho,
asmaan simat jayega tumhare agosh me,
chahat ki bahen failakar to dekho
28.Frindship opens many doors each with a different
view but none could be more beautiful view
than the door that leads to u
29.Tum kya jano kya hai tanhai is tute hue patte se
pucho kya hai judai,
yu bewafa ka ilzam na de zalim,
is waqt se puch kis waqt teri yaad na aayi
30.Bathmeez
Chaddar ki KAMEEZ,
Lohe ka PAIJAMA,
Bandar tera MAMA,
Billi teri MAUSI,
Kutte mera YAAR,
Aam ka AACHAR
Miss u mere YAAR
31.Aap ka ashiyana dil mein basaya hai,
apki yado ko sine se lagaya hai,
pata nahi yaad apki hi kyo aati hai,
dost to hamne auro ko bhi banaya hai
32.Make a heart which never breaks,
make a smile which never hurts,
make a touch which never pains,
make a friendship which never ends
33.Dosti gazal hai gane ke liye,
dosti nagma hai sunane ke liye,
ye wo jazba hai jo sabko nahi milta,
kyonki aap jaisa chahiye nibhane ke liye
34.Zindagi hai nadan isiliye chup hoon,
dard hi dard subah shaam isiliye chup hoon,
keh du zamane se dastan apni,
usme aayega tera naam isiliye chup hoon
35.Hoth keh nahi sakte jo fasana dil ka,
shayad nazron se vo baat ho jaye,
is ummid se karte hain intezar raat ka,
ke shayad sapne me mulakat ho jaye
36.Sehmi si nigaho mein khwab hum jaga denge,
sooni in raho pe phool hum khila denge,
humare sang muskura ke to dekhiye,
hum aapke har gum bhula denge
37.Kaise kehde ki unse milne ki chahat nahi,
bekarar dil ko ab bhi rahat nahi,
bhula dete unhe bhi magar kya kare dost,
kisi ko bhulane ki is dil ko aadat nahi
38.Mana aaj unhe hamara koi khayal nahi,
jawab dene ko hum razi he par koi sawal nahi,
pucho unke dil se kya hum unke yaar nahi,
kya hamse milne ko wo bekarar nahi
39.Bolti hai dosti chup rehta hai pyar,
hasati hai dosti rulaata hai pyar,
milati hai dosti judaa karta hai pyar,
phir bhi kyun dosti chodkar log karte hai pyar
40.Aap to manzil ko mushkil samajte he hum aap ko
manzil samajte he,
bada fark he apke or hamare nazariye me
aap hume sapna or hum aap ko apna samajte hai
41.Wife: kaash main newspaper hoti dinbhar tumhare
hathon me rehti
Hus: meri bhi yahi dua hai rab se issi bahane her din
nayi nayi to milti
42.Leke hum dusro ki hasi kya kare,
jo apni nahi wo khushi kya kare,
tanha jine se behatar hai mar jaye hum,
jab saath tum nahi to zindagi jikar kya kare
43.Phool bankar muskurana zindagi hai,
muskurake gum bhulana zindagi hai,
milkar log khush hote hai to kya hua,
bina mile dosti nibhana bhi zindagi hai
44.Happy moments praise allah,
difficult moments seek allah,
quiet moments worship allah,
painful moments trust allah,
every moments thank allah
45.Ae khuda dua ye meri khali na jaye ke mere dost ki
palkon main kabhi aansu na aaye,
aansu nikle to khushi ke nikle gum ke aansu mere hisse
me aa jaye
46.Tumhari yaadon ki mehek in hawaon mein hai,
pyar hi pyar hi bikhra in fizao mein hai,
aisa na ho ki duriya dard ban jaye,
ab to aapke msg ka intezaar niaghon mein hai
47.Mohabbat ko mohabbat ka ishara yaad rehata hai,
har pyar ko apna pyar yaad rehta hai,
wo pal jo yaar ki baho me guzarta hai,
maut tak vo nazara yaad rehta hai
48.Panchi keh rahe hai ki hum chaman chod denge,
aur sitare keh rahe hai ki hum gagan chod denge,
agar tere ishq mein mai mar bhi jau ae sanam,
tum dilse pukar lena hum kafan chod denge
49.Aansu aa jate hain aankhon mein,
par labon pe hasi lani padti hai,
yeh mohabbat bhi kya cheez hai yaaro,
jisse karte ho usi se chupani padti hai
50.Kyun kisi ki khamoshi mujhe khamosh kar jaati hai,
kyun uski udaasi muje udaas kar jaati hai,
kya rishta hai uska mera jo mujhe uski yaad har pal aa
jaati hai
51.Jab koi khayal dilse takarata hai dil na chahkar
bhi khamosh reh jata hai,
koi sab kuch kehkar pyar jatata hai toh koi kuch na
kehkar bhi pyar nibhata hai
52.Reth pe likhna to adat hai hamari isiliye toh sagar
se dushmani hai hamari,
chahe wo lakh bar apka nam mitaye, apko bhulana taqdir
nahi hamari
53.Lamhe ye sunhere kal sath ho na ho,
kal me aaj jaisi baat ho na ho,
yaadon ke hasin lamhe dil me rehenge,
tamaam umar chahe mulaqat ho na ho
54.Mere alfazon ko juth mat samajna,
yaad aati hai bahut jaldi milne ki dua karna,
ji raha tha tumhare naam par mar jau toh bewafa mat
samajna
55.Lehar ati hai kinare se palat jati hai,
yad ati hai dil me simat jati hai,
faraq itna hai ki lehar bewaqt ati hai,
aur aap ki yaad har waqt ati hai
56.Rab se aapki khushi mangte hain,
duaon me aapki hansi mangte hain,
sochte hain kya mangen aapse chalo aapki umar bhar ki
dosti mangte hain
57.Nazre na hoti to nazara na hota,
duniya main hasino ka guzara na hota,
hamse yeh mat kaho ke dil lagana chhod de,
jaake khuda se kaho hasino ko banana chhod de
58.Best day aaj, best gift zindagi,
best eahsaas khushi,
best feeling pyar,
best relationship dosti,
best person hum,
best friend tum hum tum
59.Wo laut aayega teri zindagi mein,
jiska intzaar tujhe aaj bhi hai,
maana waqt ne ki hai bewafai tujhse lekin meri duaon
me asar aaj bhi hai
60.Ruthne ka haq aap rakhte hai manane ki chahat hum
rakhte hai,
aapke hoton pe muskurahat yu hi bani rahe yehi dua rab
se hum roz karte hai
61.Kiss is not like nokia just connecting people,
not like nike just do it,
not like pepsi yeh dil mange more,
but kiss is like lays no one can eat just one
62.Kaash dil ki awaaz me itna asar ho jaye ki hum jise
yaad kare use khabar ho jaye
rab se yahi dua hai meri ki aap jise chahe woh aap ka
humsafar ho jaye
63.Heart is like a crystal preserve it,
love is like a perfume spread it,
feelings are like flood flow it,
friendship is like umbrella come lets share it
64.Kafi hai husn dil ko behlane ke liye,
mohabbat karlo dil ko dukhane ke liye,
chahe bhale pade gam se vasta,
ek hum jaisa dost rakhna sab gamo ko bhulane ke liye
65.Anjane me hum apna dil gawa baithe is pyar me kaisa
dhoka kar baithe
unse kya gila kare bhool hamari hi hai jo bina dil
walon se dil laga baithe
66.Har khushi dil ke karib nahi hoti,
zindagi gamo se dur nahi hoti,
ae dost is dosti ko sanjokar rakhna,
aisi dosti har kisi ko nasib nahi hoti
67.Hum mitti ka aashiyana banate gaye,
bana bana kar unhe mitate gaye,
hume koi na apna bana saka,
hum har kisi ko apna banate gaye
68.Days r too busy,
hours r too fast,
sec r too few,
but there's always time for me to remember a nice
friend like u
69.Kaun hai jo manzil se door nahin,
kaun hai jo zindagi se majboor nahin,
gunaah to sabhi karte hain,
humari nazar mein to khuda bhi bekasoor nahin
70.Kab unki palkon se izhaar hoga,
dil ke kisi kone mein hamare liye pyar hoga,
guzar rahi hai raat unki yaad mein,
kabhi to unko bhi hamara intezar hoga
71.Nazroo se jab nazar ka takrar hota hai,
har mod par kissi ka intezaar hota hai,
dil rota hai zakham haste hai,
isi ka naam to pyaar hota hai
72.Unhone dekha aur aansu gir pade,
bhari basant mein jaise phool bikhar pade,
dukh woh nahin ki unhone hume alvida kaha,
dukh to ye he ki uske bad wo khud ro pade
73.Mana ye waqt hame yaad karne wala nahi,
par bewaqt he yaad karliya karo,
mana aapke aspas sari duniya hai,
kabhi hamari kamika bhi ehsas karliya karo
74.Nashili aankho se wo jab hamein dekhte hain,
hum ghabraakar ankhen jhuka leite hain,
kaun milaye unn ankhon se ankhen,
suna hai wo ankho se apna bana leite hai
75.Chandni raat main jab sara jahan sota hai kisi ki
yaad main koi badnaseeb rota hai,
khuda kisi ko pyar pe fida na kare aur kare to juda
nakare
76.Har pal muskurana zindagi hai,
muskurakar gam bhulana zindagi hai,
jeet kar muskurana bhi kya muskurana hai,
haar kar muskurana zindagi hai
77.Hum nibhayenge dosti marte dum tak,
hum hasayenge tumko gham se khushi tak,
aye dost kabhi humse naraz na hona,
saath rehna hamare akhiri dum tak
78.A child uses its thumb 2 chew,
an illiterate uses his thumb 2 sign,
a winner uses his thumb 2 show victory,
but a monkey is using his thumb 2 read this sms
79.Jab se tumhe jana hai,
jab se tumhe paaya hai,
har dua mein tera naam aaya hai,
taaki poochhu rab se ki yeh kaisa namoona banaya hai
80.Ret pe naam kabhi likhte nahi,
ret pe naam kabhi tikte nahi,
log kehte hai ki hum patthar dil hain,
lekin pattharo pe likhe naam kabhi mit te nahin
81.How can u tell the rain not 2 fall when clouds
exists,
how can u tell the leaves not 2 fall when the wind
exists,
how can u tell me not 2 miss when u exists
82.Aankhon me rahne walo ko yaad nahi karte,
dil me rehne walo ki baat nahi karte,
hamari to ruh me bus gaye hain aap,
tabhi to hum milne ki fariyaad nahi karte
83.Every tear is a sign of brokenness,
every silence is sign of lonliness,
every smile is sign of kindness,
every sms is sign of remembrance
84.To walk is easy but 2 walk alone is tough,
being missed by someone is nice but missing someone is
painful,
being loved is secure but to love is insecure
85.Some people have nice eyes,
some people have nice smiles,
others have nice faces, but u have all of them with a
nice heart
86.Phool bankar muskurana zindagi hai,
muskurake gum bhulana zindagi hai,
milkar log khush hote hai to kya hua,
bina mile dosti nibhana bhi zindagi hai
87.Tujse dosti karne ka hisab na aya,
mere kisi bhi sawal ka jawab na aya,
hum to jagte rahe tere hi khayalo me,
aur tujhe so kar bhi hamara khawab na aya
88.These are some of the romantic countries in the
world,
holland: hope our love lasts & never dies,
italy: i trust & love u,
libya: love is beautiful & u also,
france: friendship remains & never comes to an end
89.Jakham aisa diya ki koi dawa kaam na aayi,
aag aise lagayi ki paani se bhi bhuj na payi,
aaj bhi rote hai unki yaad main,
jinhe hamari yaad hamare guzar jane par bhi na aayi
90.Bhool jane ka hounsla na hua,
door rah kar bhi wo juda na hua,
unse mil kar kisi aur se kya milte,
koi dusra unke jaisa na hua
91.Laughter is the jam on the toast of life,
it adds flavour keeps it from being too dry & makes it
easier to swallow lifes sorrows
92.Kaanch chube to nishan reh jaata hai,
dil tute to armaan reh jaata hai,
laga to deta hai waqt marham is dil par,
phir bhi umra bhar ek zakhm reh jata hai
93.Log phoolon se mohabbat karte hai,
kaaton ko kisne yaad kiya,
hum kaaton se mohabbat karte hai,
kyunki phool ne hume barbaad kiya
94.Hum agar aapse mil nahi pate aisa nahin ke hamein
aap yaad nahi aate,
mana jahan ke sab rishte nibhaye nahi jate,
par jo bas jate hai dil me phir bhulae nahi jate
95.Nazar nawaz najaro me ji nahi lagta,
fiza gai to baharo me ji nahi lagta,
na puchh mujse tere gum me kya gujarti hai,
yahi kahunga hazaron me ji nahi lagta
96.Never search ur happiness in others which will make
u feel alone,
but search it in urself u will feel happy even if u
are left alone
97.Kafi hai husn ko behlane ke liye,
mohabbat karlo dil ko dukhane ke liye,
chahe bhale pade gam se vasta,
ek hum jaisa dost rakhna sab gamo ko bhulane ke liye
98.Fiza par asar hawaon ka hota hai,
mohabbat par asar adaon ka hota hai,
koi aisa hi kisi ka diwana nahi hota,
kuch kasoor to nigahon ka hota hai
99.Pyar ke ujalo me gum ka andhera kyu aata hai,
jisko hum chahte hai wohi kyu rulata hai,
mere khuda agar wo mera naseeb nahi to aise logon se
kyu milata hai
100.Waqt guzrega hum bikhar jayenge,
kaun jane ke hum kidhar jayenge,
hum apki parchayi hain yaad rakhna,
jahan tanhai mili wahan hum nazar ayenge
speedyguy
11-01-2007, 07:30 PM
wosh! quite big ones....i thought of writing some here but now....oh no! nowez! newez nice ones
Enjoy~!
soham
12-01-2007, 11:59 AM
Some wise sayings:
A smile is a curve that can.Straighten out a lot of things.
Life is not measured by breaths we take in a moment but by moments that take our breaths away
life is short! if you dont look around once in a while you might miss it
Those who are afraid to fall, will never fly
Love ur enemys... It really ticks them off
If you don't Stand for Something.You will Fall for Everything
da poorest man on earth is not da 1 without money, but is da 1 without a dream
To the world you may be one person but to one person you may be the
world
Look into the picture of ur present life, 4 the picture determines ur future
It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for what your not
Be yourself, there are enough other people
dont frown,you never know whos falling in love with ur smile
if u can stay calm while every1 else is goin mad ... u probably havnt completely understood the situation!
FRIENDS are like stars…you do not ALWAYS SEE them but you know they are always there!..
A Person Who Asks A Question Is A Fool For Five Minutes. A Person Who Doesn't Is A Fool Forever
Dont b afraid 2 expose yourself.Reach out and tell sum1 wot they mean 2 u coz when u decide its the right time it might b 2 late!
Sumtimes its harder 2 say no wen u really mean yes.Its hard 2 close ur eyes wen u really want 2 see.But the hardest thing 2 do is to let go wen u want to stay
Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think
What do you do when the only person who can stop you crying, is the person who makes you cry in the first place?
You might regret what you do- but you'll you regret what you don't do SO much more
2 let go doesnt mean 2 stop carin.2 let go is to learn theres sumthin beyond.2 let go means acceptin reality.2 let go is lovin more coz u only want the best.
If you are the flame you can't be burned
Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery.today is a gift that is why we call it the present!
Intelligence is like a river. The deeper it is the less noise it makes
__________
Jokes :
It's important to find a man who has money, a man who adores you,a man who is great in the sack. It's also imprtant that these 3 men should never meet!
Hey can u do me a favour, take a pic of urself n send me it, i'm playin cards n i'm missin the joker!!
Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty… so the world needs YOU after all
A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home
The rain makes all things beautiful.The grass & flowers 2. If rain makes all things beautiful why doesn't it rain on you?
i want u 2 know dat our friendship means alot 2 me.U cry i cry.U lauf i lauf.U jump out of da window... I look down & den... i lauf again
Police arrested 2 kids yesterday: 1 was drinking battery acid the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the one off.
An independant study has proven dat those who have a bad sex life & who are crap in bed are readin dis message in their right hand!
A woman was found dead in her home 2day! She was discoverd in her bath tub which was filled with milk & conflakes.the police suspect a cerial killer!
Police r lookin 4 a suspect whos smart sexy witty & very gorgeous- they've already eliminated u from the enquiry (where do you think i shood hide?)
I saw sumthing in da shop window 2day.It was stunning sexy cute beautiful & adorable.I was supposed 2buy it4u till i realised it was my own REFLECTION
Those innocent eyes... Those kissable lips... A great smile... The perfect walk... Smoothest talk... Absolutely gorgeous.. Thats enough bout me-How r u?
im at the police station.The police caught me & filed a case against me "possession of good looks".i'm doomed! i need someone ugly 2 bail me out-so hurry up!
4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN 1)dogs obey wen u shout at dem 2)dogs dont shop 3)u can giv away ur dogs children 4)any guy can get a good lookin dog!
Y WOMEN R LIKE COMPUTERS 1)no one really understands dem 2)all ur mistakes r stored in their memory 3)u find urself spendin all ur money on accessories for dem!
Crazy Kidd
12-01-2007, 01:53 PM
By the way this isn't the place for this kind of topics. try Chit Chat. Where are the moderators.
.
.
.
.
.
Damn, can't find one when needed.
__________
Life itself cant give you joy, unless you really want it. Life just gives you time and space. Its up to you. How you fill it. Have a nice day.
mehulved
12-01-2007, 02:41 PM
I have edited/deleted some messages which will be inappropriate for some of the audience here.
And please remember this is a technology forum. There are many other forums out there where you can share your adult jokes.
jatt
15-01-2007, 10:15 PM
hi friends keep it up please give more sms here
thanks to alll friends
Third Eye
15-01-2007, 11:44 PM
nice SMS Collection.post more.
DeSmOnD dAvId
16-01-2007, 01:36 PM
You know that the net is filled with wild and really ridiculus stuff. Tell here about the most wacky stuff you find. Also you can post your own Jokes.
To start with, heres some stuff I found :
Desi Bryan Adams kaisa gayega Summer Of 69??
I had my first real six rupees,
stole it from my father's pants.
went to a madrasi hotel,
to eat the sambhar of 69.
Me and some kadke dost,
had it all and we caught bukhaar,
jimy puked, joey got ulcers,
and Bagga ne maari dakar.
Oh when I went back there now,
the food was as stale as ever,
and though it was 1999,
still the sambhar was being served over there,
that was the worst food of my life.
Therez no use in complaining,
when you got no other place to eat,
rushed in the evening to the doctors clinic, but he too was at the toilet seat, yeah
standing there waiting outside,
nurse told me I will wait forever,
oh and when I held my breath,
I knew that I had to use that loo there
That was the worst food of my life.
BACK 2 SUMMER OF 69
aryayush
16-01-2007, 05:15 PM
I have edited/deleted some messages which will be inappropriate for some of the audience here.
And please remember this is a technology forum. There are many other forums out there where you can share your adult jokes.Thank you for doing what should have been done a long while ago. :)
Just a suggestion: There are already a few threads on this forum meant for jokes and stuff. Can't they all be merged together - and maybe even stickied, so that new threads do not keep popping up every now and then?
x7r3m3
16-01-2007, 10:20 PM
so pathetic song
gauravakaasid
16-01-2007, 10:42 PM
@x7r3m3..........dude looks like you need to get a life and some sense of humour too.....if you aint happy with whatevers posted, y dont you give it a shot? atleast dnt discourage others
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