Share Your Computer Jokes Here

[s18000rpm]

Sing it with the original song playing in the background.

man its so FUNNY :D:D:D

[Arsenal_Gunners]

:-x

[iMav]

its hilarious ....

[blueshift]

Another one..from Orkut

HOTEL KERALA-FONIA - by The Yeagles
On the road to Trivandrum
Coconut oil in my hair
Warm smell of avial

Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a bright pink tube-light
My tummy rumbled, I felt weak and thin
I had to stop for a bite
There he stood in the doorway
Flicked his mundu in style
And I was thinking to
myself
I don't like the look of his sinister smile
Then he lit up a petromax
Muttering "No power today"
More Mallus down the corridor
I thought I heard them say



Welcome to the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace,
Plenty of bugs at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Any time of year
Any time of year (background)
It's
infested here
It's infested here



His finger's stuck up his nostril
He's got a big, thick mustache
He makes an ugly, ugly noise
But that's just his laugh
Buxom girls clad in pavada
Eating banana chips
Some roll their eyes, and
Some roll their hips
I said to the manager
My room's full of mice
He said,
Don't worry, saar,I sending you

meen karri, brandy and ice
And still those voices were crying from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them pray



Save us from the Hotel Kerala-fonia
Such a lousy place,
Such a lousy place (background)
Such a sad disgrace
Trying to live at the Hotel Kerala-fonia
It is no surprise
It is no surprise (background)
That it swarms with flies



The blind man was pouring
Stale sambar on rice
And he said
We are all just actors here
In Silk Smitha-disguise
And in the dining chamber
We gathered for the feast
We stab it with our steely knives
But we just can't cut that beef
Last thing I remember
I was writhing on the floor
That cockroach in my appam-stew was the culprit,
I am sure
Relax, said the
watchman
This enema will make you well
And his friends laughed as they held me down
God's Own Country? Oh, Hell! __._,_.___

[blackpearl]

Here is a better Hotle California

HOTEL KARNALOFONIA

On the dark GT highway
Pagdi patka in my hair
Warm smell of some dhabas
Rising up in the air

Up ahead in the distance
I saw a ttharra joint
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I must have drunk over a pint
There he stood in the drive way
I heard his truck helper yell
And I was thinking to myself
This had to be Devinder Singh Behl

Then he belched, and scratched his head
And he was on the highway
And the other drivers leaning from their truck car doors
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-a-fonia
Vaddi changi place (vaddi changi place)
Vaddi changi place
Massage, manicure, pedicure at Karnal-a-fonia
Any kind of ear (any kind of ear)
You can clean it here

His car's grill was definitely twisted
He's got a Maruti-Benz
He's got a lot of petty petty MLAs
Whom he calls friends
Dancing bhangra in the courtyard
See surdie sweat
Some dancer is this Devinder
Armpits stinking wet
So I told the bell captain
I's made a reservation online
And he said, oye khoteyya our internet hasnt worked at all Since Y2K - 1999

And still those drivers were calling from the drive way
Woke me in the middle of the night
I know I heard them say

Welcome to the hotel Karnal-a-fonia
Itthey karlo rest (itthey karlo rest)
Itthey karlo r Aish karo at the hotel Karnal-a-fonia
Kudi umr bais (kudi umr bais)
Will serve you nice

Daler on the ceiling
And on the walls in every guise
And waitresses dressed like actresses
From flicks of Subhash Ghai's
And in the downstairs canteen
I sat down for my meal
Butter chicken, and sarson da saag
Had a shock when they showed me the bill
Looking for help I saw Devinder
Dancing wildly on the floor
I had to find my hostess back
Oh where is this Gurpreet Kaur?

Relax said Milkha Singh
Play golf with my son Jeev
Tu ban gaya Punjab da puttar
Now you cant ever leave


So here I am,
Wasting life at the Hotel Karnal-a-fonia
__________


My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me. And my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed. That one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age.

One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my b! edroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me. I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house and walked straight towards my car.

My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

The moral of this story is:

Scroll down...

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"Always keep your condoms in the car"
__________


Once there was this man, working in a lighthouse all one on a lonely island.The island was 100's of miles from the mainland, and completely deserted.One fine day, he sees a shipwreck on the horizon.Through his telescope, he sees that all the sailors die except one who manages to swim ashore.Feeling pity on this man, the man in the light house decides to help him out.So he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.On reaching the person, he realised that the man was on the edge of death...so as a last wish the sailor asks for one last wish to be granted.The man from the lighthouse agrees and asks him what does he want as his last wish.The sailor asks for a bowl of chicken soup.The man is kinda puzzled, but agrees.So he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.He prepares chicken soup up in his cabin in the lighthouse.Then he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.He gives him the chicken soup he prepared, and then after having the soup, the man dies.The person feels pity on him ,and buries him.After burying him, he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.

The next day, he sees another shipwreck on the horizon.Through his telescope, he sees that all the sailors die except one who manages to swim ashore.So he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where this sailor had landed.On reaching the person, he realised that this man was also at the edge of death...so as a last wish this sailor too asks for one last wish to be granted.The man from the lighthouse agrees and asks him what does he want as his last wish.The sailor asks for a bowl of prawn soup.The man is now really puzzled, but agrees.So he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.He prepares prawn soup up in his cabin in the lighthouse.Then he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.He gives him the prawn soup he prepared, and then after having the soup, the man dies.The person feels pity on him ,and buries him.After burying him, he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.

The next day, he sees another shipwreck on the horizon.Through his telescope, he again sees that all the sailors die except one who amazingly manages to swim ashore.So he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.On reaching the person, he realised that this man was also at the edge of death...so as a last wish this sailor too asks for one last wish to be granted.The man from the lighthouse agrees and asks him what does he want as his last wish.The sailor asks for a bowl of chicken soup.The man is now completely puzzled, but agrees with some hesitation.So he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.He prepares chicken soup up in his cabin in the lighthouse.Then he climbs all the way down the spiral stairs, after that he crosses the long pathway that leads to the beach, and then walks all the way to the end of the beach where the sailor had landed.He give him the chicken soup he prepared, and then after having the soup, the man dies.The person feels pity on him ,and buries him.After burying him, he goes all the way back up the beach, then all the way up the pathway, and all the way up the spiral staircase.


What is the moral of the story??

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Moral: Chicken soup is more popular than prawn soup.

[DeSmOnD dAvId]

:lol:
Cool Jokes blackpearl!

[hemant_mathur]

Nice songs and cool stories.

[mehulved]

Just a suggestion: There are already a few threads on this forum meant for jokes and stuff. Can't they all be merged together - and maybe even stickied, so that new threads do not keep popping up every now and then? There were a couple of threads made for jokes, they were followed for a while but after sometime as they fell beyond the 2nd - 3rd page people again started making new threads. Only way to stop is make one sticky thread. But, making a sticky thread for jokes and such stuff doesn't make sense on a tech forum.

[aryayush]

But it IS the 'Chit-Chat' thread. And having five 'Jokes' threads on a tech forum does not make much sense either! :D

[shadow slayer 2007]

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”


This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”


Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.


A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”


A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "Okay, now what?"

[DeSmOnD dAvId]

An American, Japanese and Indian general were once on a ship alongwith all of their soldiers. After sometime of drinking together, the American replied,"Lets see whose Army has got the guts". The others agree. The american calls one of his bravest men and orders him to jump into the ocean, swim two rounds around the ship and return. The soldier does the same and returns not exhausted at all. The other generals are wonderstruck. The american General replies,"See the guts!".

The Japanese general calls one of his bravest men and orders hime to jump into the ocean, swim 5 rounds around his ship and return. The soldier does the same and returns. The other two generals are wonderstruck. The Japanese General replies,"See the guts!".

The Indian General calls one of his bravest men and orders him to jump into the ocean, swim 10 rounds around the ship and return. The soldier shouts," AM I YOUR FATHERS SERVENT!!". The Indian general says,"See the guts!"

[s18000rpm]

^^:D:D:D
nice one

[~Phenom~]

^^really funny.

[Pathik]

lol

[Josan]

Cool Collection well Done!!

[shaunak]

~-****(Scientific PJs)****-~
PJ= (pathetic joke)^∞

> Once some electrons (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electron) were having a party when they were attacked by protons (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proton). A dashing superhero comes to their rescue. His name? Bond, COVALENT BOND (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Covalent_bond).

> Once Heisenberg (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Werner_Heisenberg) [the author of the uncertainty relations which states that it is impossible to simultaneously determine the velocity and position of an electron.] Was stopped by a traffic cop in Berlin for who asked him "do you have any idea how fast you were going?". To this the physicist replied "No, but i know precisely where I am."

Warning
[If you have forgotten you math dont read this]

> Suppose you want to have a bath and there is nothing around you, what do you do?

A:
You integrate ∂ℓuϰ wrt ℓuϰ
=∫(∂ℓuϰ)ℓuϰ
= ℓuϰ+ć
You bathe with the ℓuϰ in the "c"

[s18000rpm]

geeky jokes. nice:D

[shaunak]

http://www.best-wallpapers.com/funny/imagepages/image9.htm

[SolidSnake]

Mera source code padh kar hasnaa nahin,
Ise chalata dekh tum fasna nahin,
Main testing karta hun boss ki kasam,
Bina piye Whiskey , Beer ya Rum,
Bill Gates milaa mujhe raste mein,
Beche Windows humne saste main,
Usne kaha "Tujhe CEO banaoo",
Ghar tere aake Operator ban jaoon...
Bill Gates ko kaha mere ghar na aanaa,
Bill Joy ko bol diya naa baba naa,
Chahe Boston me dede mujhe BMW car,
Ya H-1 pe dede mujhe dollar dus hazaar,
Par development ke liye main to kachha hoon,
Dus saal se Porting me atkaa hoon,

(slow)
Mere daddoo, likhe software,
Binaa use kiye, koi Hardware,
Meri beti, banegi Aunty,
Jab tak install hoga NT

(fast)
Release ho raha hai mera Software nayaa,
Unix ko DOS pe hai port kiyaa,
Microsoft ne jab mera H-1 kiyaa,
Bug free Windows maine release kiya...

:D :twisted: :-D

[s18000rpm]

funny:D,
but you could have posted it @ this thread- *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^* (http://www.thinkdigit.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29532&page=14)

[NIGHTMARE]

lage raho

[SolidSnake]

funny:D,
but you could have posted it @ this thread- *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^* (http://www.thinkdigit.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29532&page=14)

Oops...koi baat nahin, there is always next time...:D

[DeSmOnD dAvId]

:lol:
Cool Joke!!

[blueshift]

Got this from email forward.

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/1.jpg

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/2.jpg

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/3.jpg

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/4.jpg

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/5.jpg

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/6.jpg

http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a171/blueshift155/Wedding/7.jpg

[24online]

funny.........but its not topic for chit chat.....
there should be separate section for jokes,pics...

[koolbluez]

Perfect couple.. accordin to "The Law of Opposites - Opposites attract"

[jack// ani]

very funny!!

[s18000rpm]

:lol:

btw best place for jokes/funny pics-> *^^All jokes,homour & light talk here^^* (http://www.thinkdigit.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29532&page=14)

[iMav]

love is blind

[Tech Geek]

lol

[desertwind]

Stumbled today.


http://img151.imageshack.us/img151/6061/elephantsjpgvc2.gif

[s18000rpm]

:D:lol: she's got the Largest Brain Size.- a size Peanut.:D:D:D

nice find:)

[Pathik]

lola

[srikanthgss]

Sardaji Strikes Back.......
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is buying a TV........
Sardarji : "Do you have color TVs? "
Salesman : "Sure. "
Sardarji : "Give me a green one, please. "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji calls Air India...........
Sardarji : "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar? "
Receptionist : "Just a second "
Sardarji : "Thank you."..........and hangs up.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
EMPLOYMENT........
Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly
filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the
column
'Salary Expected :'
He was not sure as to what to be filled there. After much thought he
wrote :
"Yes"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
CROCODILE BOOTS..........
Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one . He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims
"71st and *again* barefeet! "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardar goes into a store and sees a shiny object. He asks the clerk.......

Sardarji : "What is that shiny object? "
Clerk : "That is a thermos flask "
Sardarji : " What does it do ? "
Clerk : " It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold. "
Sardarji : "I'll take it ! "
The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos. His sardar boss
sees him and asks......
Boss : "What is that shiny object with you? "
Sardarji : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do?"
Sardarji : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. "
Boss : "Wow! What do you have in it? "
Sardarji : "Two cups of coffee and a coke. "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, but two days later disconnected it because he was getting complaints like :

"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?
He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What will a sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of paper ?
(he already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a photcopy of the

white paper !!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They were planning for free Punjab.........
Santa Singh raised a point " Oh..we'll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it? "
That was a difficult question indeed.
Suddenly Banta Singh replied, " No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed. "
Santa Singh : " OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA ????? "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardar went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain........
Sardarji : "I would like to buy this small TV,"
Salesman : "Sorry, we don't sell to SARDARs "
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and returned to tell the salesman........ Sardarji : "I would like to buy this TV."
Salesman : "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars"
"Damn, he recognized me " he thought. He went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new hair color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before he again approached the salesman.......
Sardarji : "I would like to buy this TV. "
Salesman : "Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars, "
Frustrated, he exclaimed "How do you know I'm a Sardar? "
Salesman : " Because that's a microwave, "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you measure a Sardar's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the Sardar doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
Trying to hold on to a thought.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do Sardars work seven days a week?
So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?
They always forget the recipe.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?
The back of his head.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
Just-one Singh.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
" Toes Go In First. "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why can't Sardar dial 911?
They can not find the eleven on the phone
------------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you get Sardar on the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a sardar is walking on the road. He sees a piece of ****. He bends down........dips a finger and tastes it........."Yuk! ! It's ****!!! ".........then he moves on thinking "Good, I din't step on it"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
What do smart Sardar and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman as opposed to a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
TO LOSE WEIGHT.. The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days,
he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem......... "What's the problem?"asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
TRAIN TO LUDHIANA..
Sardars Hari Singh and Gyani Singh are in a railway station.
Hari Singh asks the clerk: "Can I take this train to Ludhiana? "
"No," answers the Railway man.
"Can I? " asks Gani Singh.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
A sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai"
Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai
lekin
voh
to janwar hai, usko kya pata "
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks and he takes
along some wine and chicken with him. Somebody stops him and asks "kyon
bhai
ye sab kyon leke baithe ho? "
Sardarji replies "Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave
the guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the
station
arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 rupees, the
sardarji
deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the barber
quietly
shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji was woken
up,
and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face, and suddenly

screamed when he saw the mirror.
Said his wife " What's the matter? "
Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and woken up
someone else"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started
thanking God.
A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you
thanking
God for ?"
The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't
riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing
too."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji got the 4th child. He fills data in the birth certificate
"Mother:Sikh.........Father:Sikh.........Kid:Chines e."
"How come you write "Chinese" when both parents are Sikh? "
"Aah" said Sardarji " I read in a newspaper, that every 4th person born
on
the Earth now is a Chinese."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two dogs, Rubi and Moti, and a Sardarji were sent to the outer space.
The
ground control issues commands..........
Ground control : "Rubi!"
Rubi : "Woof!" (its the barking sound)
Ground control : "Press the red button."
Rubi : "Woof! Woof! "
Ground control : " Moti! "
Moti : "Woof! "
Ground control : "Press the white button."
Moti : " Woof! "
Ground control : " Sardarji! "
Sardarji : "Woof. "
Ground control : " Stop barking, feed the dogs and don't touch
anything!
"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has a Clock Tower
when
someone asks him........
" You want to buy the clock on the Tower "
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The man took the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several
hours
the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the
Sardarji
is again walking along the same street and the same man asks
him..........
"You want to buy the clock."
Sardarji says " Yes "
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This time,
you wait and I'll go get a ladder."
------------------------------------------------------------------------
DOUBLE DECKER BUS RIDE
Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get into a
double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when the rush was over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Banta Singh. He met Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands, scared to death.
Santa Singh : "Arre Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on? Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ?
Banta Singh : "Yeah, but you've got a *driver.*"
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him
what had happened to his ears and he answered........
Sardarji:"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking
up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
The doctor exclaimed in disbelief : " Oh Dear! ......But what happened to
your other ear?"
Sardarji : "The scoundrel called back."

[nix]

OMG, you gotta see this :p

http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Snakes_on_a_Plane

[nilesh.3892]

When Bill Gates was in India, he had a chance 2 listen Ramayana from Atal Behari Vajpayee. After returning 2 US he wrote it in his personal Diary. A Tabloid in US got a copy of his writings. These are excerpts from his diary.
Â*
Ramayana by Bill Gates...
Â*
LAN, LAN ago, in the SYSTEM of I/O-dhya, there ruled a PROCESSOR named DOS-rat. Once he EXECUTED a great sacrifice PROGRAM after which his queens gave an OUTPUT of four SUNs--RAM, LSIman, BUG-rat and SED-rughana. RAM the eldest was a MICROCHIP with excellent MEMORY. His brothers, however, were only PERIPHERAL ICs. Once when RAM was only 16MB, he married princess 'C'ta. 12years passed and DOS-rat decided to INSTALL RAM as his successor. However, Queen CIE/CAE(Kayegayee), who was once offered a boon
by DOS-rat for a lifesaving HELP COMMAND, took this opportunity at the instigation of her BIOSed maid (a real plotter), and insisted that her son Bug-rat be INSTALLED and that RAM be CUT-N-PASTED to the forest for 14 years.
Â*
At this cruel and unexpected demand, a SURGE passed through DOS-rat and he collapsed, power-less. RAM agreed to LOG INTO forest and 'C'ta insisted to LOGIN with him. LSI-man also resolved on LOGGING IN with his brother. The forest was the dwelling of SPARCnakha, the TRAN-SISTOR of RAW-van, PROCESSOR of LAN-ka. Attracted by RAM's stature, she proposed that he should marry her. RAM, politely declined. Perceiving 'C'ta to be the SOURCE CODE of her distress, she hastened to kill her. Weeping, SPARC-nakha fled to LAN-ka ,where RAW-van, moved by TRAN-SISTOR's plight, approached his uncle MAR-icha. MAR-icha REPROGRAMED himself into the form of a golden stag and drew RAM deep into the forest. Finally, tired of chase, RAM shot the deer, which, with his last breath, cried out desperately for LSI-man in RAM's voice. Fooled by this VIRTUAL RAM SOUND, 'C'ta urged LSI-man to his brother's aid. Catching the opportunity ,RAW-van DELINKED 'C'ta from her LIBRARY and changed her ROOT DIRECTORY to LAN-ka.
Â*
RAM and LSI-man started SEARCHING for the missing 'C'ta all over the
forest. They made friendship with the forest SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR SU-greev and his powerful co-processor Ha-NEUMAN. SU-greev agreed to help RAM. SU-greev ordered his PROGRAMMERS to use powerful 'SEARCH' techniques to FIND the missing 'C'ta. His PROGRAMMERS
SEARCHED all around the INTER-NETworked forests. Many tried to 'EXCITE' the birds and animals not to forget the 'WEBCRAWLERS' (Insects) and tried to 'INFO SEEK. something about 'C'ta. Some of them even shouted'YAA-HOO' but they all ended up with 'NOT OUNDMESSAGES'. Several other SEARCH techniques proved useless. Ha-NEUMAN devised a RISKy TECHNOLOGY and used it to cross the seas at an astonishing CLOCK SPEED. Soon Ha-NEUMAN
DOWNLOADED himself into LAN-ka. After doing some local SEARCH, Ha-NEUMAN found 'C'ta weeping under a TREE STRUCTURE Ha-NEUMAN used a LOGIN ID (ring) to identify himself to 'C'ta. After DECRYPTING THE KEY, 'C'ta believed in him and asked him to send a 'STATUS_OK' MESSAGE to RAM. Meanwhile all the raakshasa BUGS around 'C'tacaptured Ha-NEUMAN and tried to DELETE him using pyro-techniques. But Ha-NEUMAN managed to spread chaos by spreading the VIRUS 'Fire'. Ha-NEUMAN happily pressed ESCAPE from
LAN-ka and conveyed all the STATUSMESSAGES to RAM and SU-greev. RAW-wan decided to take the all-powerful RAM head-on and prepared for the battle. One of the RAW-wan's SUN (son) almost DELETED RAM &LSI-man with a powerful brahma-astra. But Ha-NEUMAN resorted to some ACTIVE-X gradients and REFORMATTED RAM and LSI-man. RAM used the SOURCE CODE secrets of
RAW-wan and once for all wiped out RAW-wan's presence on earth. After the battle, RAM got INSTALLED in I/O-dhya and spreaded his MICROSOFT WORKS and other USER FRIENDLY PROGRAMS to all USERS and every one lived happily ever after.

Super Joke!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!

I have reputed you. Tell a mod, not to close this topic. this could be thread where jokes can be discussed.
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D
lol lol

[joey_182]

LETTER BY A SARDARJI's MOM to HIM (SardarJi)
Vahe Guru. I am in a well here and hoping you in the same well there. I'm writing this letter slowly, because I know you cannot read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from home, so moved 20 miles. I wont be able to send the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the Address Plate with them for their new house so they would not have to change their address. Hopefully by next week we will be able to take our earlier Address Plate here, so that our address will remain same too. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine,
situated right above the commode. I am not sure it works. Last week I put in 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for 3 days and second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the metal buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. Your father has another job. He has 500 men under him. He is cutting the grass a the cemetery. By the way I took bahu to our club's poolside. The manager is badmash. He told her that two piece swimming suit is not allow in this club. We were confused as to which piece should we remove? Your sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it is a girl or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle, Jetinder fell in a the nearby well. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off bravely and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days. Your best friend, Balwinder, is no more. He died trying to fulfil his father's last wishes. His father had wished to be buried at sea after he died. And your friend died while in the process of digging a grave for his father.
There isn't much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
P.S : Beta, I was going to send you some money but by the time I realized, I had already sealed off this letter.
Faqat, Teri Maan

[Chrono Cr@cker]

Nice sardar jokes both you guys. Haha!

[koolbluez]

A mail i got on Filmy Dialogues for the Geek:
http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/2550/downloadtx2.jpg (http://imageshack.us) http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/2365/download001uv7.jpg (http://imageshack.us) http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/9590/download002ed2.jpg (http://imageshack.us) http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/1024/download003gs3.jpg (http://imageshack.us) http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/8201/download004zz5.jpg (http://imageshack.us) http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/7029/download005ku6.jpg (http://imageshack.us)
__________
What do children tell 2 God...
http://img247.imageshack.us/img247/1663/downloadyn5.jpg

[24online]

scrap karne ka... kya !!!!


Munna Bhai :
Bapu.....Bole To Apun Ko Aaj Kal Ek Problem ho Gaaela Hai ???

Bapu :
Bolo Munna . Dil Khol Ke Bolo .

Munna Bhai :
Apun Ko Aaj Kal ..... Bole To Koi Scrap Nahi Karta.
Sala Sab Log Eede Ho Gaaele Hein...!!!

Bapu :
Aise Nahin Bolte Munna. Mere Paas Iis Ka Haall Hai. Rasta Muskil Hai
Lekni Jeet Pakki Hai.

Munna Bhai :
Bolo Bapu Bolo, Agar Tumko Confidence Hai To apun Ye Kaam Karega.

Bapu :
To Suno. Tum Scrap Karte Raho. Tab Tak Karte Raho... Jab Tak Tumhe Koi
Scrap Nahin Karta. Kabhie To Unka Hirdaya Paribartan Hoga. Woh Bhi
Tumhe Scrap Karenge........

Munna Bhai :
Thank U Bapu Thank U.. Apun Yeich Karega...

Bole To Mamu Get Well Soon Hone Ka Aur mujhe Ko Scrap Karne Ka

__________

MUNNA BHAI JOKES



PROFESSOR :
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jante ho?
MUNNA BHAI :
Gandhi bahut zabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin maloom ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

____________ _________ _________

CIRCUIT :
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Aye Circuit, woh Sabrina ka baap aya hai tere ko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai usko bolo apun gaoon gayea hai, kheti karne ko.
MUNNA BHAI :
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

____________ _________ _________

MAMU :
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

____________ _________ _________ _

CIRCUIT :
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla hai aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI :
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT :
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

____________ _________ _________ __

MAMU :
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Sindhi sikhna padega. Kuch hal batao.
MUNNA BHAI :
Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU :
Meinay ek Sindhi baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.
____________ _________ _________ _


PROFESSOR :
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI :
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

____________ _________ _________

MUNNA BHAI :
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

____________ _________ _________ __


Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN :
What is that?
CIRCUIT :
Air India

____________ _________ _________ __


CIRCUIT :
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU :
Nehin.
CIRCUIT :
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU :
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI :
Yaad nahin hai yaar. Bahut purani baat hai.
____________ _________ _______
MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, tu kitna padha hai?
MAMU :
B.A.
MUNNA BHAI :
Sala, two lafz padha aur woh bhi ulta?
____________ _________ _________
MAMU :
Oye, maar gayea yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hain.
MAMU KA DOST :
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.
____________ _________ _________ __
CIRCUIT :
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT :
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.
____________ _________ _________ __
PRINCIPAL :
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI :
Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

[santu_29]

tech support at a call center
Call to technical support:

Caller: Hi, my printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? And how it is related to printer?
Caller: Mmmm.. Wait, I will send a picture.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

http://img68.imageshack.us/img68/7766/image001hp2.jpg

[gxsaurav]

lolz :D :rofl

[vishalgupta]

A man and his wife were eating dinner in an expensive restaurant when young beautiful women approached and kissed him on the mouth,
She said to him "see you later" and came out.
The wife shouted:
- Who was she?
- She is my mistress.
- What? ... I want a divorce!
- Ok. I agree. But you must know that you wouldn' have a mercedes in your garage, you wouldn't spend your holidays in hot countries and you wouldn't go shopping in paris.

At the same time their friend karol came in to the restaurant with a young woman.
- Who is that woman with karol ? - Asked wife
- She is his mistress.
- Really? ... Ours is more interesting - said the wife.

[piyush gupta]

nice jokes
__________
nice jokes

[santu_29]

Ordering a Pizza IN 2020





Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Galaxy . May I have your..."

Customer: "Hello, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold........ ..on..... .889861356102049 998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 43rd Floor, Akask View Apt, Cantt Road, ........
Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is
0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes"
from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The
total is Rs2249.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs10,720.55 since October last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your scooter.. ."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system, you own a Lambretta 1969 Vintage
Scooter,...registra tion number USE 8999..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're
also diabetic.... ... "

Customer: uh..err..err. .eh#$$^%&$@$%^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 11th Nov 1986 you were convicted for using abusive language on a policeman who stopped you for driving through a one way, in fact you were driving a 1973 Ambassador bearing registration number UTD 4267.......

Customer: [Faints]

[Third Eye]

Another Joke on Windows :D



There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer.

Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.
The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.
The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.
Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work !?"

[s18000rpm]

^^nice one:D:D:D:D

[ilugd]

liked that mouse picture. Now i have one more troubleshooting step to check if the office printer malfunctions :-)

[vishalgupta]

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of
the street. A tall lady answered the door.Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I could not clean this up with the use of this new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this s**t!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilli sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house..." said the lady
__________________________________________________ ________________
__________________________________________________ ________________
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father.
"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
"But that's right!"
"Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f**king difference?"
"That's exactly what I said!"
__________________________________________________ ________________
__________________________________________________ ________________
Reunion of Four Friends

Four freinds decided meet after a very long time.After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room.

The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes. The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.

The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a traveling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend.

The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons. The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked: What's going on, what are all the congratulations for? One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?

The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a
stripper at a nightclub.

The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel. The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends. :-D


Moral: Be careful to whom you brag !

[piyush gupta]

> >Why did Newton commit suicide???
> >
> >Here is the reason.
> >
> >Once, Newton came to India and watched a few Tamil
> >movies that had his head spinning. He was convinced
> >that all his logic and laws in physics were just a huge pile of junk
and
> >apologized for everything he had done.
> >
> >In the movie of Rajanikanth, Newton was confused to
> >such an extent that he went paranoid. Here are a few
> >scenes
> >
> >1) Rajanikanth has a Brain Tumor which, according to
> >the doctors can't be cured and his death is imminent.
> >In one of the fights, our great Rajanikanth is shot in
> >the head. To everybody's surprise, the bullet passes
> >through his ears taking away the tumor along with it
> >and he is cured! Long Live Rajanikanth!
> >
> >2) In another movie, Rajanikanth is confronted with 3
> >gangsters. Rajanikanth has a gun but unfortunately
> >only one bullet and a knife.
> >Guess, what he does? He throws the knife at
> >the middle gangster? & shoots the bullet towards the knife. The knife

>cuts
> >the
> >bullet into 2 pieces, which kills both the gangsters on each side of
the
> >middle gangster & the knife kills the middle one.
> >
> >3) Rajanikanth is chased by a gangster. Rajanikanth
> >has a revolver but no bullets in it. Guess, what he
> >does. Nah? not even in your remotest imaginations.He
> >waits for the gangster to shoot. As soon as the
> >gangster shoots,Rajanikanth opens the bullet
> >compartment of his revolver and catches the bullet.
> >Then, he closes the bullet compartment and fires his gun.Bang... the
> >gangster dies...
> >
> >This was too much for our Newton to take! He was
> >completely shaken and decided to go back. But he
> >happened to see another movie for one last time, and thought that at
>least
> >one movie would follow his
> >theory of physics.
> >
> >The whole movie goes fine and Newton is happy that all
> >in the world hasn't changed. Oops, not so fast!
> >
> >The 'climax' f! inally arrives. Rajanikanth gets to know that the
villain
> >is on theother side of a very high wall.
> >
> >So high that Rajanikanth can't jump even if he tries like one of
those
> >superman techniques that our heroes normally use.
> >
> >Rajanikanth has to desperately kill the villain because it's the
climax.
> >
> >(Newton dada is smiling since it is virtually impossible?)
> >
> >Rajanikanth suddenly pulls two guns from his pockets.
> >
> >He throws one gun in the air and when the gun has reached above
> >the height of the wall, he uses the second gun and
> >shoots at the trigger of the first gun in air. The
> >first gun fires off and the villain is dead.
> >
> >Newton commits suicide...

[shivkumar]

Different operating systems. Different styles. But what if the quirks and styles of the different operating systems were applied to AIRLINES? What if airlines ran things the way operating systems do? This humorous analogy, applying operating system philosophies as if they were airlines, is a long-standing much-circulated amusing story, and we'd credit the author if we knew who wrote it!

If Operating Systems Ran The Airlines...

UNIX Airways

Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.

Air DOS

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on...

Mac Airlines

All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.

Windows Air

The terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.

Windows NT Air

Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes, and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.

Windows XP Air

You turn up at the airport,which is under contract to only allow XP Air planes. All the aircraft are identical, brightly coloured and three times as big as they need to be. The signs are huge and all point the same way. Whichever way you go, someone pops up dressed in a cloak and pointed hat insisting you follow him. Your luggage and clothes are taken off you and replaced with an XP Air suit and suitcase identical to everyone around you as this is included in the exorbitant ticket cost. The aircraft will not take off until you have signed a contract. The inflight entertainment promised turns out to be the same Mickey Mouse cartoon repeated over and over again. You have to phone your travel agent before you can have a meal or drink. You are searched regularly throughout the flight. If you go to the toilet twice or more you get charged for a new ticket. No matter what destination you booked you will always end up crash landing at Whistler in Canada.

Linux Air

Disgruntled employees of all the other OS airlines decide to start their own airline. They build the planes, ticket counters, and pave the runways themselves. They charge a small fee to cover the cost of printing the ticket, but you can also download and print the ticket yourself.

When you board the plane, you are given a seat, four bolts, a wrench and a copy of the seat-HOWTO.html. Once settled, the fully adjustable seat is very comfortable, the plane leaves and arrives on time without a single problem, the in-flight meal is wonderful. You try to tell customers of the other airlines about the great trip, but all they can say is, "You had to do what with the seat?"

Source (http://www.zyra.org.uk/os-air.htm) Got through StumbleUpon

[desertwind]

Ever asked Google a Question ?

http://www.shinyfire.com/feats/google/google.htm

[luckypayal]

hey
joined today,
trying to post something for all there

This is the scene of a Chinese call center.

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller : No, I want to speak to Annie Wan !
Operator : Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone.You can speak to me. Who is this?
Caller : I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator : I know you are someoneand you want to talk to anyone ! But what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wanthat our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator : Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller : You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree ..

[hailgautam]

If you want to see the unholy effect of clothing a simple thought with bombastic verbosity, slant your gaze at the following sentences. Hidden away beneath the lush overgrowth of phrases are some plain, simple ideas which you know as common maxims. Can you pierce the verbiage and extricate the proverbs? [8 is very good, 10 is terrific, 6 is average]........... In simple words, Can you guess the hidden proverb for the following..

________________________________________

1. A mass of concreted earthy material perennially rotating on its axis will not accumulate an accretion of byrophytic vegetation.
2. A superabundance of talent skilled in the preparation of gastronomic concoctions will impair the quality of a certain potable solution made by immersing a gallinaceous bird in ebullient Adam's ale.
3. Individuals who perforce are constrained to be domiciled in vitreous structures of patent frangibility should on no account employ petrous formations as projectiles.
4. That prudent avis which matutinally deserts the coziness of its abode will ensnare a creature.
5. Everything that coruscates with effulgence is not ipso facto aurous.
6. Do not dissipate your competence by hebetudinous prodigality lest you subsequently lament an exiguous inadequacy.
7. An addlepated beetlehead and his specie divaricate with startling prematurity.
8. It can be no other than a maleficent horizontally propelled current of gaseous matter whose portentous advent is not the harbinger of a modicum of beneficence.
9. One should hyperesthetically exercise macrography upon that situs which one will eventually tenant if one propels oneself into the troposphere.
10. Aberration is the hallmark of Homo Sapiens while longanimous placability and condonation are the indicia of supramundane omniscience.

[prasathvishnu]

Look at this screenshot from NetBanking section of HDFC Bank.....

At the top 'Net Banking Round the Clock', down is the 'Unavailable' message

;-)

[desertwind]

^^^

Haha. LOL.

[ilugd]

hail gautam
1. A rolling stone gathers no moss
2. Too many cooks spoil the broth
3. Those who live in Glass houses should not throw stones at others
4. The early bird catches the worm
5. All that glitters is not gold
6.
7. A fool and his money are soon parted
8.
9.
10.

Just average, I guess. But I have got a splitting headache looking at all those long words. Need to go get an aspirin
__________
@prasathvishnu, round the clock, yeah, right!

[kumarmohit]

How do you do a Crash course in Ramayan?
Simple, change your name to Micky and go crash in a Wall, U will become WallMickey...

[sspradhan]

That was a good joke made up by you Mohit. Keep it up.

[aryayush]

hail gautam
1. A rolling stone gathers no moss
2. Too many cooks spoil the broth
3. Those who live in Glass houses should not throw stones at others
4. The early bird catches the worm
5. All that glitters is not gold
6.
7. A fool and his money are soon parted
8.
9.
10.

Just average, I guess. But I have got a splitting headache looking at all those long words. Need to go get an aspirinJust average!!! Either you know a enormous number of quotes or you are a genius in the English Language - or both!
You definitely deserve reps for this, the least I can do. :)

But honestly, I am jealous. I have always been lauded among my friends and in school as being the best among them when it comes to English. And you have just shattered my pride - with an iron hammer, no less. :(

[ilugd]

uh.. is it? I didn't know that was good. The question said 6 was average. Well, every week I need to share from the bible in staff devotion (prayer and lecture from bible. I work in a church you know) and everyone falls asleep unless i talk on something interesting. So i have made the habit of using interesting quotations and stories. So I guess I know quite a few.
6. There is no substitute for hard work
8. Pride comes before a fall.
9. .. (Aargh.... Damn. Got a headache again.)

Ok, here is a story I shared today morning.
A milk man was a very devout believer and a worshipper of his God. He used to get up each morning and worship his God, he used to offer sacrifices and the like. And like all milkmen, he used to then get up and go about his day's activities, taking milk from the cows, going to the taps and topping up the cans with water to give with milk to his customers. His God was pleased, (not with his adding water to the cans, but because of his devotion to him) and so appeared in person and told him that as a boon he was giving him a lake of milk in his backyard which would never ever dry up. Still God wanted to do more for him and asked him what else he could do.
The milk man's answer, give me two ponds of water.
Moral: People never change.

[jawwadsajid]

goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood

[24online]

Omkara - Bidi jala le by IIT delhi students

http://youtube.com/watch?v=buf13ZiDAZY

:D:-D:mrgreen:

[The Unknown]

:lol:

[DeSmOnD dAvId]

TITANIC song remake in ORKUT song.

Every time in my orkut
I see you. I scrap you.
That is how I know you go on.
Far across the Scrap Book
And testimonials between us
You have come to show yourself “ single”.
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the friends list does go on
Once more you logged on
And you're here in my scrap book
And my scrap book will go on and on
Testimonials can touch us one time
And last for sometime
And never let go till we're friends
Love was when I saw your friends list
One true time I hold to
In my life I’ll surely view her/his profile
Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the friends list does go on
Once more you logged on
And you're here in my scrap book
And my scrap book will go on and on
There is some amazing profile that will not
go away
You're here, there's so much to fear,
And I know that my friend will know I checked her/him out
We'll stay forever th rough

[ilugd]

orkut doesnt work for me. :-(

[krates]

Hey Friends I Started This Thread To Share Your Computer Jokes Here Now What You Are Waiting For Share Your Joke Here Like This One :eek:

Light Bulb
Q: How many internet mail list subscribers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 1,331:
* 1 to change the light bulb and to post to the mail list that the light bulb has been changed
* 14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.
* 7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.
* 27 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs.
* 53 to flame the spell checkers
* 156 to write to the list administrator complaining about the light bulb discussion and its inappropriateness to this mail list.
* 41 to correct spelling in the spelling/grammar flames.
* 109 to post that this list is not about light bulbs and to please take this email exchange to alt.lite.bulb
* 203 to demand that cross posting to alt.grammar, alt.spelling and alt.punctuation about changing light bulbs be stopped.
* 111 to defend the posting to this list saying that we are all use light bulbs and therefore the posts **are** relevant to this mail list.
* 306 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique, and what brands are faulty.
* 27 to post URLs where one can see examples of different light bulbs
* 14 to post that the URLs were posted incorrectly, and to post corrected URLs.
* 3 to post about links they found from the URLs that are relevant to this list which makes light bulbs relevant to this list.
* 33 to concatenate all posts to date, then quote them including all headers and footers, and then add "Me Too."
* 12 to post to the list that they are unsubscribing because they cannot handle the light bulb controversey.
* 19 to quote the "Me Too's" to say, "Me Three."
* 4 to suggest that posters request the light bulb FAQ.
* 1 to propose new alt.change.lite.bulb newsgroup.
* 47 to say this is just what alt.physic.cold_fusion was meant for, leave it here.
* 143 votes for alt.lite.bulb.

:p :p :o :D :wink: :lol: :-) :p :o :eek: :lol: :-) :D

[Lucky_star]

It was funny...but there is already a thread running .
Post there:http://www.thinkdigit.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29532&highlight=Jokes

[piyush gupta]

Already a thread running

also wrong section

thread reported

[24online]

cool video :
DHL Deliver Everything
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/406443/dhl_deliver_everything/

[Anindya]

Why not make this thread a sticky? So that whenever someone is angry and comes to the forum he/she can directly go to this thread and cool down.:D

[Third Eye]

It was sticky before

[navjotjsingh]

________________________________________

1. A mass of concreted earthy material perennially rotating on its axis will not accumulate an accretion of byrophytic vegetation.
2. A superabundance of talent skilled in the preparation of gastronomic concoctions will impair the quality of a certain potable solution made by immersing a gallinaceous bird in ebullient Adam's ale.
3. Individuals who perforce are constrained to be domiciled in vitreous structures of patent frangibility should on no account employ petrous formations as projectiles.
4. That prudent avis which matutinally deserts the coziness of its abode will ensnare a creature.
5. Everything that coruscates with effulgence is not ipso facto aurous.
6. Do not dissipate your competence by hebetudinous prodigality lest you subsequently lament an exiguous inadequacy.
7. An addlepated beetlehead and his specie divaricate with startling prematurity.
8. It can be no other than a maleficent horizontally propelled current of gaseous matter whose portentous advent is not the harbinger of a modicum of beneficence.
9. One should hyperesthetically exercise macrography upon that situs which one will eventually tenant if one propels oneself into the troposphere.
10. Aberration is the hallmark of Homo Sapiens while longanimous placability and condonation are the indicia of supramundane omniscience.

1.A rolling stone gathers no moss.
2.Too many cooks spoil the broth.
3.People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
4.The early bird catches the worm.
5.All that glitters is not gold.
6.Waste not, want not.
7.A fool and his money are soon parted.
8.'Tis an ill wind that blows no good.
9.Look before you leap.
10.To err is human, to forgive, divine.

[ilugd]

^^^ clap clap clap

[Charan]

Im gonna get into trouble for posting this :D


Private Class secretary
Dim _dress As Boolean
Dim _shoes As Boolean
Dim _underwear As Boolean

'constructor
Public Sub New()
End Sub

Public Function IsNaked() As Boolean
If _dress = False AndAlso _shoes = False AndAlso _underwear = False Then
Return True
Else
Return False
End If
End Function
End Class

Private Class MySelf
Public Function KeepDressed() As Boolean
'lazy to type
End Function

Public Function DressOff() As Boolean
'lazy to type
End Function
End Class



usage:


Private Sub GetNaked()
Dim Jane As secretary = New secretary
Dim myself As MySelf = New MySelf
If Jane.IsNaked = True Then
myself.DressOff()
ElseIf Jane.IsNaked = False Then
myself.KeepDressed() 'don't even think about it to dress off before her
End If
End Sub

:D (http://www.vbcity.com/forums/topic.asp?tid=139308)

[slugger]

just recieved this

http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/6268/warningqo3.jpg

the images (not the message)

[Third Eye]

^ Lol

[casanova]

Two IT guys were chatting in a pub after work. "Guess what, mate," says the first IT guy, "yesterday, I met this gorgeous blonde girl in a bar."

"What did you do?" says the other IT guy.

"Well, I invited her over to my place, we had a couple of drinks, we got into the mood and then she suddenly asked me to make her feel special"

"You're kidding me!" says the second IT guy.

"I then I lifted her and put her on my desk next to my new laptop."

"Really? You got a new laptop? What configuration?"

"It's a 1 GB RAM and mobile internet connectivity card and 180GB HARDDISK..Wi-Fi..DVD-Writer......................"

[abhi_10_20]

^^rofl

[jawwadsajid]

“Space? Space is only the key in between the two alt keys.”

~ Al Gore (http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Al_Gore) on Space

space <uri gagreen is famus for it >

[jawwadsajid]

look it