Wow, looking at you, I feel rather odd. I am heading towards the same path you are heading to right now.
For the past month, I have been falling ill frequently, I feel increasingly depressed and my mind feels blurry.
But one difference is that my friends are *still* behind me. They see that I am still the old guy that I was and I still have the same old brains because I notice that I often end up helping people better understand subjects despite me being in the bottom of the class in some of them.
I still have my rock solid logic, but I am getting sick and tired of this fact based world. I am sick of studying subjects that need us to memorise a HUGE list of stuff and apply them robotically to solve problems.
I like to have fewer rules curtailing my thoughts and more space to express them and create something new. So I started getting hooked on to computers and programming.
But of late, I am inching more towards writing as a profession (despite my rather bad spelling, I DO produce decent stuff especially under pressure).
My dad is pissed off at me because I am a science student (I am in 12th and aged 17) studying CBSE's PCMC syllabus. He says I should have taken up arts if I wanted to write. But I like doing things for doing's sake, and I took up science only because I love learning about new things and getting to know how things work - it inspires me in life.
Currently, I have a solid future if you put me (even at this moment) into a good computer engineering collage. But at other subjects I am performing poorly (especially in Physics and Chemistry, once upon a time feilds of my insanely high expertise in comparison with my peer group). I have a HUGE backlog of stuff to study, which I think I can make up for, but I doubt I would be able to study my last year's portions thoroughly enough to make it in IIT-JEE. And yeah, I go to coaching for the same where I am doing miserably, and there is a HUGE weight of expectations from my family on me.
My dad says he wouldn't send me to any place to study by paying a huge sum in donation or fees, and he wants me to make it by rank or by merit, or atleast, prove myself competitively superior to others if I want to go someplace of my choice.
I don't know what to do at this point. The max I can do at the moment, even if I work really hard, is manage a good score in 12th, and from there, there are dead ends wherever I see.
WHAT DO I DO ?
